By
Debbie
Schlussel
I am not surprised that this has been the worst summer in terms of tickets
sold and money made at the movies. The movies this summer have been the most
underwhelming that I can remember, and this weekend is
par for the course. I only really liked one new
movie debuting at theaters this weekend.
* “
And So It Goes“: This is the relative best of the
bunch among the new releases this weekend. And it appears to be aimed primarily
at older adults and senior citizens, though I think adults of any age above 25
will like it (and the story is timeless and ageless). Michael Douglas and Diane
Keaton star in this senior citizen chick flick that is very funny and which even
guys will like and find entertaining. It’s cute, light, and airy–the kind of
escapist movie I and many others enjoy going to the movies to see.
Douglas is an egomaniacal, rude, insensitive
real estate agent who owns a set of duplex apartments in which
he lives along with other tenants. He has developed a love-hate relationship
with one of his tenant’s, Keaton, a nightclub singer who shares too much gloomy
personal
information with her
audience. Douglas is trying to help clean up her act (with not so subtle
constructive criticism) and also attempting to get her a higher paying gig. In
the midst of all this, Douglas’ estranged son is sent to prison for nine months
and the young granddaughter he never knew is dropped on him to take care of. He
then pawns off the granddaughter on Keaton, who develops a loving relationship
with Keaton. Eventually, they all become like a family, while Douglas and Keaton
develop a romance.
As I said, this is very funny. I laughed a lot. I could have done without a
scene of a dog having sex with a stuff animal (it was gross in the first of a
gazillion movies I’ve seen this cheap shot in–now it’s beyond rotten). But
everything else was hilarious and fun to watch. The best actor or actress in
this movie is
Frances
Sternhagen, who cracks many of the jokes and smart alecky lines
perfectly, as if she were 24 instead of 84 years old. (Eighty-year-old Frankie
Valli makes a cameo in this, too.) But I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that
this is directed by uber-lefty Rob Reiner. The movie moves along at a fast clip
and, at just over 1.5
hours, it’s
the perfect length, too.
Enjoyable and with a happy, if predictable, ending. (This is one of the few
movies that is actually far better than its trailer.)
THREE REAGANS
* “
Lucy“: I expected better from
this
movie, and I’m usually a fan of Luc Besson. This isn’t a horrible movie,
but it’s not a great one, either. It’s not tight and well-crafted, and below
what I usually expect from Besson, who directed this. The first half of the
movie is good, suspenseful, and action-packed. But the second half is a mess and
bored me. The thing about science fiction movies of this ilk is that you can
only suspend disbelief so much. My general rule of mental suspension of
disbelief is this: only one thing can defy reality. Too many things, and I just
don’t believe it or find it credible or enjoyable anymore. And that’s the case
here: the one thing that would cause me to experience a credible suspension of
disbelief is then topped by many others that simply aren’t credible or sensical.
In
this movie, Scarlett Johansson is forcibly
subjected to surgery in which a Korean mobster inserts a powerful, unusual
drug into her body and then forces her
to become a
drug courier. But the pouch containing the
drug leaks into her body, and the
drug
causes her to become supersmart
and able to use up to 100% of her brain, which the movie tells us is far more
then the proverbial 10-20% of the brain that some claim that we use (that, by
the way, is a myth–we all
already use 100% of our brains, according to brain
surgeons and other medical professionals in the know). That Johansson becomes
hypersmart and superstrong is something about which I could suspend my
disbeliefs.
But, then, she starts controlling the internet, computers,
phone lines, people and their guns, and all
matter, and she’s able to go forward into the future, backward into the past,
and able to stop time. At that point the movie becomes a silly mess I wasn’t
buying. And that’s the point at which the movie
begins borrowing heavily from “2001: A
Space Odyssey” and
“Transcendence” (read my review), which most other
critics panned, but which I found semi-interesting and entertaining until it,
too, became an all-controlling mess just like “Lucy” (and in which Morgan
“Whites Are Racist” Freeman plays a similar role as in this–come on Hollywood,
stop repeating yourself like a fart).
This movie is incredibly violent. But, as with most
Besson movies, there is clear good and evil, and the violence is ultimately
against the bad guys. Still, I just didn’t find the movie to be as good as I was
expecting it to be. Moral of the story: don’t believe the hype. Johansson and
this movie are getting a lot of that. But they don’t
merit it here. Not so much, anyway.
The movie isn’t objectionable, but just isn’t up to snuff. At least not to my
liking.
HALF A REAGAN
* “
Hercules“: More like, “Not Hercules.” This silly
“re-imagining” of the story about the Greek demigod really has nothing to do
with anything. It’s like someone made a long, boring, silly flick so that Dwayne
“The Rock” Johnson could be half naked for 1.5
hours
and get paid, and then stuck the name “Hercules” on the movie. And it’s funny
that all of the Greek kings and minions–and everybody else–in the movie have
English accents, while only Johnson has an American accent, and it’s never
explained why (other than that he was too lazy to try one or the movie was too
stupid to try to make sense).
I note that the other “Hercules” movie, “The Legend of Hercules,” which
debuted early this year was panned by critics (though not by me–
read my review). This makes that version look like a
masterpiece.
This long bore made the 1.5
hours seem more like 15
hours. And it’s quite violent, with men being shown
burned alive, lots of beheadings and dismemberments, and so on (which I’d hate
to see in 3D–I saw this in 2D, but you can shell out extra bucks for the
charming thrill of seeing limbs fly in your face). Lots of fighting in this
“300″-wannabe, but not much in the story department. Also, a guy sticks his
finger into a month-old rotting dismembered head and then eats what he digs out.
Yuck.
The “story”: Hercules is a man who may or may not be the son of a god and a
mortal. He may or may not have special powers. But he’s never proven any of
this. He and his band of fighters doubt it and think he’s just a mighty con
artist thug who can fight, just like them. And he’s a mercenary who fights for
the highest bidding kings, doing their dirty work. He’s sent out to fight
legions of troops who are harassing a king and his kingdom. But soon, Hercules
learns he’s been set up and must discover and prove whether or not he has the
powers of a demigod to fight off the evil king.
Who cares? I certainly didn’t. I couldn’t
wait for
this movie to end, and
that was just a minute after it started (or maybe 30 seconds). Snooze-fest
extraordinaire.
ONE MARX
* “
A Most Wanted Man“: The only thing you need to know
about this long, boring, waste-of-time movie is that it’s based on a John Le
Carre novel. As I’ve noted before on this site, the far left Le Carre a/k/a
David Cornwell
hates Israel and Jews and loves Muslims and Arabs,
whom he sees as innocent victims of the West. Oh, and he also hates America and
loves Communists to the point that he
proudly declared how he nearly became a double agent for the
Soviets while a member of British intelligence. Almost all of those
sentiments are sharply on display here in this incredibly unthrilling
“thriller.”
In his last movie, the late Philip Seymour Hoffman looks every day of his 66
years, except for the fact that he died at 46. His role in
this movie shows us yet again, why he was no loss to
acting or movies. It’s a mess, and so is he.
The story: a Chechen Muslim comes illegally immigrates to Germany, and a
German intelligence group run by Hoffman (with a really bad German accent that
he uses only about 60% of the time) is trying to use him to unwittingly frame
another Muslim who is the father of another Muslim who is an informant to
Hoffman. Got that? Yeah, it’s confusing, and really kinda stupid when you get to
the conclusion of the movie in which nothing really happens (other than evil
Americans messing everything up). On top of that, Rachel McAdams plays a German
lawyer for illegal aliens who is trying to protect the Chechen Muslim and
coaches him on what to say so he can get asylum (sound familiar? Texas border,
anyone?). McAdams, by the way, went to the same Crappy German Accent University
at which Hoffman matriculated. She is then forced by Hoffman into getting the
Chechen Muslim to unwittingly frame the father of the other guy, the Muslim
informant.
Throughout this, an evil American female CIA agent (Sean “Spicoli” Penn’s
former wife, Robin Wright) is hovering over Hoffman, annoying him and
threatening to mess up his operation with the American “exuberance” to actually
catch and lock up Islamic terrorists. But, of course, the “evil,” “bigoted,”
“headstrong,” “anti-Muslim” Americans don’t get that this Chechen Muslim is not
a terrorist, but just a peaceful, good, innocent guy who is legitimately
escaping torture he experienced at the hands of non-Muslims. I mean, isn’t that
the case with all Muslim illegal aliens and immigrants to America?
Yeah, that’s the ticket. . . in John Le Carre’s warped mind. Which this movie
reflects.
Alhamdulilah [praise allah] and Hollywood. And Mr. Al-Carre.
FOUR MARXES PLUS FOUR BIN LADENS PLUS FOUR OBAMAS