Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post about some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to choosing good movies to watch yourself!

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story – Just Okay (All the Bad Guys Are White; Heroes All Minorities)

By Debbie Schlussel



I saw the new Star Wars prequel, “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story,” yesterday morning, under heavy security and lock and key. But it ain’t all that. The movie–which debuts in theaters Friday (early screenings Thursday night)–was just okay. Plus, I couldn’t help but notice a stark casting decision: all the evil Empire leaders are old White men, and all the rebel leaders and heroes are minorities (including a whiny Muslim dude) and a perpetually-miserable chick.
At some point, one would expect that people will get sick of Disney/Lucasfilm serving up what is essentially the same Star Wars movie plot over and over again with more and more politically-correct, watered-down characters. But apparently not yet, as this movie is expected to do blockbuster numbers at the box office. Still, the movie is exactly that: a watered-down rehash of the original Star Wars movie from 40 years ago, with flat, boring characters picked for their nationalities and non-White status only. The story is okay, but there’s no magic here, no excitement the way there was for Harrison Ford’s Han Solo and his suave smart-aleckiness, no naive but noble Luke Skywalker. Instead, we get New Coke . . . or probably Crystal Pepsi, because it tastes flat and it’s so clear and obvious you’re being served up an inferior imitation of the original thing. Mediocrity gets old . . . eventually. Though not in America.
Yes, there are a few characters from Star Wars movies past, including Darth Vader. I won’t reveal those familiar old faces who make cameos, but I’m not spoiling anything by telling you Vader’s in this (it’s in all of the trailers and press coverage). And at least one evil old White man from the original is back, too, courtesy of the magic of computer and digital regeneration. But the story isn’t that exciting. Been there, seen that. And it was done better the first four times, including in last year’s Star Wars: The Force Awakens, which I liked a lot better (read my review), despite it’s verge into political correctness. This one is over the top in that department. I mean, we’re talkin’ hitting you over the head with a two-by-four with it.
All of the generals and directors and commanders of the Empire look the same: old, White, and evil-looking. And the rebels are some Hispanics (Diego Luna and they even rehabbed Jimmy Smits from some crypt), some Asian dudes (one of them blind), some Black guys, a dour chick, and a Pakistani Muslim–Muslim-grievance-theater rapper and actor Riz Ahmed, who plays Bodhi Rook. I’m bummed there was no Egyptian transsexual vegan knitter. Would it have killed them to have even just one White male rebel hero? Or was Jedi “White privilege” used up in the first Star Wars flick? Maybe I can start a hashtag: #EvilEmpireSoWhite. Funny how the #OscarsSoWhite isn’t whining about no minorities cast for those roles.
The movie takes place before the original and after the Jar-Jar Binks fiasco set of movies. There aren’t any Jedi Knights or Kedi warriors per se, although we know that there is a Force and it is with some of the characters. Still, the Force seems to be missing most of the time, if not all of it. The characters are boring, the story is full of holes, and as I noted, it just lacks any charisma or magic. There’s no charm here. And it’s missing any kind of warmth, the kind you felt with the original Star Wars trilogy, back in the day. I guess maybe that’s the times we’re living in–a colder world.
Felicity Jones–the dullest, most overrated actress on Earth–is a dud as the heroine Jyn Erso. She looks bitter and sour all the time, and her acting is equally unremarkable and unenthusiastic. Even though, supposedly, the Force is with her (or something), it’s hard to believe that she has the chops of a male MMA fighter. But in today’s Star Wars world, everything has to be chickified (” target=”_blank”>as it was in last year’s “Star Wars: The Force Awakens”–again, read my review). Just how many times must Luke Skywalker be remade into a girl? She’s the daughter of the White male architect of the Death Star. But she’s been captured and joins the rebels. Plus her dad isn’t as evil is you might think. She and a band of others–again, all minorities–come together with the Rebel Alliance to steal the plans for the Death Star. That a band of rebels stole those plans, was referenced in the original Star Wars movie, and from that, the filmmakers created this movie.
There’s no Yoda here, but there are the traditional scenes of aliens in a bar, however so brief. And there’s the usual magnificent John Williams music, although the Darth Vader theme is muted and the main Star Wars theme is as well (at least until the closing credits roll). There’s also a more rudimentary droid than the shiny gold C3PO we’re used to (why do all Droids have an English accent?). The studio asked me not to provide intricate details of plot points or to give away twists and other spoilers. But, sadly, other than the cameos I alluded to above, there really aren’t any of these to give. The movie just wasn’t that suspenseful or exciting.
I didn’t hate this movie. And there is–per usual with Star Wars flicks–stark good versus evil, which I like. But I hated the PC casting. And I just wasn’t very overwhelmed (or whelmed in any way) by this movie. It’s just a churned out factory product, and nothing I’d watch again like I did with other Star Wars movies. While it’s not objectionable, it’s not that likable, either. It’s just . . . okay. Color me disappointed.
As Darth Vader might say, I find this film’s lack of imagination disturbing.
Forget the Evil Empire. I’ve met the Mediocre Empire. It’s called Disney.
***
BTW, I say all of this as someone who is a tremendous, life-long Star Wars fan. (Since we aren’t Trekkies, are we “Warsies”? We don’t have a term.) My late father took me to see the original when I was just seven years old. In a day when parents still cared about what their kids consumed, he went to see it first. “Kids, you have to see this great movie!” he said. When it comes to Rogue One, I can hear my dad wondering, “Is that all there is?”
HALF A REAGAN PLUS ONE DARTH VADER

Watch the trailer . . .

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Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post about some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to choosing good movies to watch yourself!

Weekend Box Office: Miss Sloane, Office Christmas Party

By Debbie Schlussel



It’s nearly Christmas time. So, this is supposed to be the time of year when most of the new movies are very good. That ain’t happening. Two new movies this weekend, neither of them good.
* Miss Sloane – Rated R: This is a very cold, very harsh, very dark, and very overwrought picture of the kind of lobbying that happens on Capitol Hill. As one who worked for several Congressman on the Hill, I can tell you that this movie is ridiculous and bears no resemblance to reality. The cat-and-mouse absurdities that go in during the course of this movie are just not how it’s done in real life. Not even close.
Plus, while the movie pretends to be even-handed on the gun control debate, it really isn’t. The protagonist, a female lobbyist, risks it all in order to get stricter gun control laws passed–it’s the only “moral” position she’s ever taken in her life. And with that, the movie is a more subtle version of the gun control propaganda we’re used to seeing in the movies, on TV, and throughout pop culture. On top of that, this is an attack on the free market and makes no bones about it. Our “heroine,” the lobbyist, is a free marketeer and evil until she gives it all up to pull out all the stops in favor of more gun control.
On top of that, the movie is long, slow, and boring, taking up 132 minutes of your life that just aren’t worth the wasting here.
Jessica Chastain–in very dark, harsh makeup–is a Elizabeth Sloane, the aforementioned lobbyist, who tells us flat-out that she believes in the free market and American free enterprise. That’s “bad” in the filmmakers eyes, as she bends the rules to almost the breaking point in order to get tax laws and import duties to go her clients’ way. But she’s also smart (or so we’re told). In order to get a client’s sugar-laden breakfast cakes out from under restrictive regulations, she recommends reclassifying them as cookies, which are covered by more relaxed rules.
But that’s the humdrum stuff. Now, a new client–the gun lobby (and presumably, the NRA)–wants to hire her lobbying firm and her to in order to relax gun laws. The lobby wants her to present guns as the ultimate equalizer for women against violence and would-be attackers. But Elizabeth doesn’t want that and laughs in the new client’s face, as well as that of her boss (Sam Waterston). Soon, she’s gone from her big firm to a smaller one in order to lobby for more gun control and fight her former employer in the fight.
Elizabeth has no life. She never sleeps (and takes a lot of pills to stay awake). She hires male prostitutes for sex, as there’s no time for a relationship. And so on. In the meantime, the team she’s poached from her former firm, helps her pursue several senators to get their votes for gun control. They’re working with a victim of “gun violence.” However, later in the film, there’s an incident that makes the gun lobby’s point.
The various machinations in this movie just don’t happen on Capitol Hill. The lobbying in real life is a lot more dry and basic. There just isn’t the intrigue–to the point of the cockamamie in this film–that is presented here. Not even close. And there aren’t mechanical bugs with cameras crawling into Senators’ and lobbyists’ cars. There also aren’t major Senate hearings into the personal lives of lobbyists. The only thing I can ever remember happening that was even close (and it didn’t involve an examination of the lobbyist’s private life or health), were the Senate hearings into corrupt, convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff’s multi-million-dollar rip-offs of federal Indian tribes. But in that case, there was major money-laundering, tax-evasion, and other crimes going on, including the use of jihadist Muslim Grover Norquist’s “non-profit” Americans for Tax Reform to launder Indian tribe money and hide the source and ultimate destination of it. Apparently, some of that money went to Islamic terrorist outfits tied to Al-Qaeda, too. That’s a legit inquiry by Congress.
The Senate inquiry into Miss Sloane, a major and prolonged scene in the movie, is just ludicrous, and it would never happen. After nearly 2.5 hours of this movie, there just isn’t a worthy payoff. Not even a little bit. (Unless gun control is what you consider a worthy payoff.)
The movie’s just a high-styled, low-brow bore pretending to be something important. It isn’t. Certainly not important enough for 132 minutes of your life and ten-bucks-plus from your wallet.
Yawn.
TWO MARXES

Watch the trailer . . .

* Office Christmas Party – Rated R: I hated this poor excuse for comedy. You’ve seen this crap–waaaaay toooooo muuuuuch of it–already in recent years. Juvenile, crass, depraved jokes pretending to pass for funny. And they just aren’t. Sure, I laughed several times. But most of this movie was just dumb. Extremely dumb. On top of that, it’s the usual message from liberal Hollywood: loser, drug-using, incompetent, unethical schmucks are the good guys and the heroes; straight-laced, disciplined people, who actually work for a living are the losers and the villains. (Ditto for the human resources manager who objects to female employees wearing too-sexy-for-work outfits–she’s “too uptight”). So typical, so stupid.
The story: Jason Bateman is the Chief Technology Officer at the Chicago branch of Zenotek, a failing internet-hosting and online promotions company. Everyone at the branch is either incompetent or a whiner. The boss is Clay VanStone (T.J. Miller), a rich idiot who wastes money and acts like a child. His rival sister, Carol (Jennifer Aniston), is the hard-working, responsible adult in the family and the company CEO. She wants to pull the plug on the Chicago branch and end the bleeding. She’s right. But, of course, in all Hollywood movies these days, responsible people and responsible decisions aren’t hip and they aren’t to be admired. Instead, they are to be condemned.
Clay and his sister agree that if he can land more business and keep the office profitable, it can remain open. So, he goes about trying to recruit the account of Walter Davis (Courtney B. Vance). At first, Walter rules out hiring Zenotek, and morale is lower than low. But Clay decides to throw a giant, wild Christmas party to entice Walter to change his mind and hire Zenotek. The party is filled with cocaine binges, topless naked women, a prostitute and her female pimp, and other lowlife stuff, which makes it “cool” in the world according to Hollywood. Soon, Walter is literally hanging from the chandeliers, trying to ride ropes of lighting–Tarzan-style–from across a second-floor balcony.
Ultimately there are hospital trips, annoying Uber rides, car crashes, and a power outage in the entire Chicago. Haha, funny. NOT. Also not funny: that a guy (Bateman–who is supposed to be the voice of reason here) drinks spiked eggnog from the male genitalia of an anatomically-correct ice sculpture and then gets his tongue stuck on it. If this is your idea of humor, that’s a not-so-thrilling statement on the state of America. And, sadly, that’s where we are. Forget Kris Kringle. This is Kris Kringeworthy.
Absolute garbage. And not even good for more than five or six laughs. If that.
FOUR MARXES PLUS TWO ISIS BEHEADINGS

Watch the trailer . . .

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post about some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to choosing good movies to watch yourself!

Weekend Box Office: Manchester By the Sea (America, Hillary-Style)

By Debbie Schlussel
I took off the last week or so for Thanksgiving and some good stuff I plan to announce soon. As for movies, I’ll try to put up my review of recent past movies. The only new one this weekend is “Manchester by the Sea.”



This movie is a dog (with apologies to canines for the comparison with this tripe-on-film). We’re taking Gitmo torture material . . . though I’m not sure we can torture anymore because Trump’s James “Mad Dog” Mattis says we can’t torture terrorists.
Most movie critics are raving and gushing over this piece of crap (and heaping the awards on it) because it’s an anti-American, pretentious, tragic bore. And they eat up that stuff. When it’s not incredibly long, slow, boring, and the cure for insomnia, this movie is incredibly miserable and dreadful. If you don’t like that kind of stuff, most film critics dismiss you as a simpleton and not sophisticated enough. The movie critic emperors wear no clothes.
This film is a Hillary-Clinton-style attack on working-class American life (and, frankly, all American life). The movie basically says that the working class in America have horrible lives filled with tragedy, boredom, poverty, drudgery, and mishaps. It all sucks and is completely hopeless, the filmmakers want you to know. Yeah, that’s the ticket, Hollywood . . . to selling fewer tickets. Anybody who reads my review and then pays to see this anyway is a glutton for punishment. You would have more fun literally flushing the ten-bucks-plus you’d have paid to see this, down the toilet. Oh, and it stars the poor man’s Ben Affleck, Casey Affleck (although I would argue that Ben Affleck is also the poor man’s Ben Affleck).
The story: Affleck is a janitor in Massachusetts. He is the maintenance man at an apartment complex and is miserable. All of the women come on to him (why is not apparent–he ain’t all that). And, then, he gets a call that his older brother (Kyle Chandler) is dead. His brother had a heart condition (or something–I was so bored an annoyed by this excuse for a movie that I didn’t care enough to pay much attention). And his brother had a will making Affleck the guardian of his brother’s son a/k/a his nephew. The nephew is a sleazy jerk of a high school student who is sleeping around with several female students. The nephew is also disrespectful to everyone, including his hockey coach whom he attacked and swore at.
Affleck doesn’t want to be his nephew’s guardian. He’s selfish. He doesn’t want to change and upend his life and he doesn’t want to move to Manchester By The Sea, the Massachusetts town where his brother lived and where his nephew lives. He’s divorced and, we later learn, was befallen by a great tragedy involving his children–a tragedy of his own accidental making. His nephew’s mother cannot be found or reached for most of the movie. Then, she is reached, and we find out she is now a devout Christian–something the movie mocks intensely, because that’s what Hollywood does to Christians (but never Muslims).
On top of that, the movie is filled with annoying, distracting flashbacks–more than enough to give you a headache.
This movie was incredibly grey (not fifty shades of it, just one–which is more than enough) and depressing and a totally pointless waste of time. It’s like a bad reality show of someone’s awful life. Why would you want to pay to go see that when you can see it every day on the streets and other locales of America?
Like I said, this is the stuff of high-quality Gitmo torture material (plus it fulfills their view of America as a miserable place and American life as something to be condemned–so it might make a great ISIS recruitment video). I’d show it to the Muslim terrorists over and over again. They’d beg for mercy pretty quickly.
This is garbage.
FOUR MARXES PLUS FOUR ISIS BEHEADINGS

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post about some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to choosing good movies to watch yourself!

Weekend Box Office: Arrival (Pretentious, OVERRATED!)

By Debbie Schlussel




So we’re into November and, usually, at this time of year, the movies are supposed to get better. Right now, it seems like it’s just hype getting bigger. (I did not see “Shut In,” which was not screened for critics and didn’t have any nearby early showings–both bad signs.)
* Arrival – Rated PG-13: This movie is waaaay overrated. Liberal movie critics are falling all over themselves to gush about this nothing movie. Don’t believe the hype. In fact, it’s a crappy movie. This movie emperor wears no clothing. It’s long, slow, and boring, and nothing really ever happens. I never thought I’d hate an aliens-from-space movie, but this managed to induce me to that state. This is how liberals idealize dealing with aliens and fellow humans. It’s soooo pretentious. And so dumb. It will also be confusing to most moviegoers.
This is a snoozefest chick flick parading as something else. If you enjoy constant flashbacks to a single mother playing with and lamenting over her young daughter who died of cancer, then this is for you. For everyone else, this is a dud.
And there are a couple of cheap tricks used at the end of the movie to explain what is unexplainable. It doesn’t pass the smell test. I felt ripped off. On top of that, the script hides the relationship between some of the characters. Like I said, the whole thing makes for a confusing ending for the average moviegoer. It’s almost like you need a movie whisperer or a Cliffs Notes aide to help you figure it.
The story: twelve pod-style spaceships from outer space land all over the world. Well, they don’t really “land,” so much as they hover. There’s one hovering over a field in the United States. U.S. government officials can’t communicate with the aliens aboard the pods because they can’t understand the alien language, which is essentially a bunch of pictures that look like puffs of smoke in the shapes of circles.
Amy Adams plays the aforementioned single mother of the young daughter who died of cancer. She’s a linguistics professor who is recruited by the feds to go to the alien pod over the U.S. and try to figure out their language. This is necessary to tell the aliens we are peaceful and to find out if the aliens are peaceful (and why they are here). There, she and a physicist (Jeremy Renner) try to communicate with the aliens.
The movie is supposed to be a statement on miscommunications between humans. It’s a “statement” I could do without. There’s nothing enlightening or the very least interesting here. Anyone who says otherwise is delusional or a pretentious, phony intellectual.
ONE MARX PLUS ONE MICHELLE LAVAUGHN ROBINSON HUSSEIN OBAMA IDI AMIN DADA DON’T LET THE DOOR AT 1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVE HIT YA ON THE WAY OUT ON JANUARY 20TH

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post about some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to choosing good movies to watch yourself!

Wknd Box Office: The Magnificent Seven, Queen of Katwe, Storks, The Hollars

By Debbie Schlussel

Unfortunately, the best new movie in theaters today is very politically correct and racist (it kills off ALL of the White heroes). Even more unfortunate, there are themes of political correctness, anti-White racism, and/or Black supremacism running through virtually every new movie.

* The Magnificent Seven – Rated PG-13: The first thing you need to know about this very politically correct movie is that ALL three of the White Magnificent Seven members are killed off by the end of this movie. Only the minorities survive. Oh, and also, the movie’s villain is also White (as is his large band of mercenary thugs–where’s da diversity?), and he’s an evil businessman/real estate developer. Always gotta insert that gratuitous, hypocritical Hollywood faux-hate of capitalism in the plot line. Plus, this movie is incredibly violent and bloody–much more than I expected, especially for a PG-13 flick. Still, despite all of that, I mostly liked the movie. That’s also despite its running time of two hours and 12 minutes.
But would it have killed them to write a movie in which at least ONE of the White Magnificent Seven lives??? This movie gets the Colin Kaepernick Black Racist Seal of Approval.
There have been several remakes of what was originally Japanese director Akira Kurosawa’s truly magnificent “The Seven Samurai,” including a 1998 CBS TV series co-starring my high school friend Rick Worthy. But most Americans remember the best “remake” to be the original English language version, the 1960 “The Magnificent Seven” movie, in which a Mexican village requests the help of the White Magnificent Seven.
In this movie, a White town requests the help of a mostly minority Magnificent Seven–led by a Black guy (Denzel Washington) and also comprised of an American Indian, er . . . “Native American,” a Mexican, a Chinese dude, and three White guys (Chris Pratt, Ethan Hawke, and Vincent D’Onofrio. It’s unlikely that really would have happened in the 1800s Old West, the setting for this “update.”
Also, in this movie, there isn’t always stark good-versus-evil, at least at the beginning. Chris Pratt kills one or two gamblers who rip him off, and he shoots a guy’s ear off. (Of course, it’s a White member of the Magnificent Seven who does these things.) Though, this is before he joins the “Seven.”
The story: an evil White real estate developer from Sacramento (played by ultra-left-wing America-hater Peter Sarsgaard) terrorizes the people of a small town and murders some of them in cold blood–all because he wants their land at a cheap price. The wife of one of the men who is killed hires Denzel Washington and his band of six other men to come to town and fight off the real estate developer and his band of mostly White thugs (there is one exception–he has an American Indian thug, Denali, but other than that–the rest of his bad guys, which number in the hundreds, are all White).
The Magnificent Seven come to town and train the townspeople to shoot and fight. And then they help the people fight off the bad guys. But their battle is bloody, and they’ve been forewarned that many people will die.
As I watched the battle and saw the three White Magnificent Seven (plus the Chinese one) get killed, I thought, “Wow, there isn’t a lot of room for the sequel here.” But, then, I realized that White people are disposable, and they can be recast. My mind was also screaming . . .
White Magnificent Seven Lives Matter!
Just not in this racist, politically-correct movie.
Still, I love a good western, and this movie wasn’t bad as far as that goes–despite all the racist, PC baloney.
So I give it . . .
TWO REAGANS PLUS TWO COLIN KAEPERNICK RACIST SEALS OF APPROVAL

Watch the trailer . . .

* Queen of Katwe – Rated PG: Hmmm . . . since nearly half of the greatest chess players of all time were/are Jews, when I think of chess champions I think of Uganda. Don’t you? Of course, that’s the absurd conceit (and deceit) of this movie, even though the movie is ultimately uplifting after moving very slowly for the first half. Also, FYI, when I think of Uganda, I think of their late Muslim leader, Idi Amin, and the Muslim hostage-taking of Jews who were held and terrorized in Entebbe, NOT chess.
Also, I was horrified that a Disney movie aimed at and heavily marketed to kids–especially Black kids–repeatedly features a child prostitute who gets pregnant. And it doesn’t exactly look down on her and her exploits much. Walt Disney is turning over in his grave.
The movie goes out of its way to downplay, minimize, and whitewash the role of Christianity in the story. And, since mostly Americans and Brits play the main characters, they go out of their way to overdo their “Ugandan” accents, making it hard to understand them and what they are saying for most of the first half of the movie. The first half of the movie is also slow and boring, and the movie doesn’t really heat up and get interesting until half way through, when the chess competitions get going.
“Based on a real-life story,” this is about a Ugandan girl, Phiona Mutesi, who becomes Uganda’s first chess master, and ultimately plays and beats chess champions all over Uganda and internationally. She and the other kids in the movie live in an extremely poor ghetto of Katwe in Uganda. They are destitute. A local community organizer (really a man working for a local Christian church ministry) is a chess player and coach. He reaches out and teaches them chess. Ultimately they beat the stock Hollywood-cast snobby rich kids. But the star is Phiona. She is so good that she beats the top Ugandans and goes to international competitions. Her dream is to become a chess “master.”
Phiona’s father died, and her mother (Lupita Nyong’o) is a single mother because of that. She’s struggling to survive, and so she is skeptical of Phiona’s chess aspirations. Phiona’s sister is a teen prostitute who takes money for sex, dresses like a whore, and eventually becomes pregnant by one of the men. I was disappointed that this darkness (and other darkness–Phiona’s home, an old church, is completely flooded like a river and they lose everything) was in a Disney kids’ movie. It wasn’t necessary.
The coach, played by David Oyelowo, is actually a Christian minister, but you’d be hard-pressed to know that because–as I’ve noted–Disney mostly washed that out of this ultimately inspiring and uplifting story. The only hint of it is that in one scene you can see the van he drove has a barely-visible cross and the name “ministry” on it.
The kids in the movie are very cute and funny. And eventually the story is uplifting and inspires ambition. I liked that message of empowering one’s self and taking personal responsibility to get out of poverty. But, let’s be real: Uganda ain’t known for its chess champions, despite what the movie wants you to think.
HALF A REAGAN PLUS TWO MICHELLE LAVAUGHN ROBINSON HUSSEIN OBAMA IDI AMIN DADAS PLUS TWO COLIN KAEPERNICK RACIST SEALS OF APPROVAL

Watch the trailer . . .

* Storks – Rated PG: This dumb, cockamamie “kids” movie was soooooo incredibly annoying. And the very stupid story looked like it was slapped together by a two-year-old (with apologies to two-year-olds for the comparison with the writers of this crappy waste of time). In an era–and in a year–when there are so many far-superior animated kids’ movies, this falls stunningly flat. It also highlights the lack of good, original story-telling that apparently befuddles so many in Hollywood. I was surprised at the silliness of this movie. Plus it is very slow and very boring. The animation is fine, but nothing outstanding. Just the basics that we’ve already come to expect, given today’s technology. Pixar this ain’t. Not even close.
The “story” (if you can call it that): storks used to deliver babies to new parents. But it was too hard, and they had so many near-accidents. So, now, they are out of that business and into something else. Today, the storks are delivery men for a giant Amazon.com-like company, called “CornerStore.com.” The main character stork in the movie is about to be promoted to “boss” by the CEO stork. But, first, he has to attend to the orphan girl who lives in the company’s facility in the sky. She’s left over from the days of when the storks used to deliver newborns. Unfortunately, the girl and the stork accidentally set off the old factory machinery from those days, and a new baby is delivered.
The rest of the movie basically follows the stork and the orphan girl trying to brave the elements and other obstacles in order to deliver the baby to its family. (The cutest–and only interesting–scene is when the two are trying to escape a very smart and resourceful pack of wolves.) Meanwhile, the orphan girl longs to find her own family and be united with them, after all these years. And, at the same time, a “Valley Guy-esque” stool pigeon is telling on them to the CEO because the pigeon wants to be boss instead of the stork. While all of this is going on, a young boy wants a baby brother because his real estate agent parents are neglectful and devoted to their jobs instead of him. So, he begins building a giant amusement-park on the family home’s roof, in order to attract a delivery stork.
At the end of the movie, the storks accidentally set off the baby factory, and thousands of kids pop out. So the storks have to deliver them to their families. This is exactly when I thought to myself, “here’s where the political correctness starts and we see gay families and so on getting deliveries.” Sure enough, Hollywood never disappoints the PC crowd. You see all-female and all-male couples getting baby deliveries. Soooo predictable.
The first ex-Mrs. Brad Pitt (Jennifer Aniston) and Andy Samberg voice characters in this movie. I’m not a fan of either.
Believe me, I’m making this dumb story sound far better than it is. This is a snoozer, and pointless. But kids will probably love the colors.
ONE-AND-A-HALF MARXES

Watch the trailer . . .

* The Hollars – Rated PG-13: Oy vey. Directed by and starring John Krasinski, this movie is HORRIBLE! Absolutely awful. High quality Gitmo torture material and 1.5 hours of my life I’ll never get back. Who on earth would pay ten-bucks-plus to see this? Only a sucker or a dupe. They’d have to pay me a lot to see this again. Yuck. And it’s incredibly depressing.
Make no mistake: this movie is a deliberate and loud attack on middle American life by snobby Hollywood elitist creeps. (And it’s also, sub rosa, an attack on the lives of average White Americans, too.)
The story: Krasinski plays a guy living in New York trying to “live the dream.” But it turns out he’s not exactly living the dream and isn’t happy with his life. That comes out after he returns home to the small town from which he came to see his family. He learns that his mother has had a seizure because of a brain tumor and she must get immediate surgery to remove it. He also learns that his father’s business is about to go bankrupt and has been losing money, that the family is completely broke, and that his divorced-dad brother is living in his parents basement and lost his job in the family business. The father is a dopey, infantilized, incompetent fool. On top of that, they don’t know how they’re going to pay for their mother’s surgery. And they worry that she won’t survive the operation. But, other than that, GUH-REAT! movie.
Oh, wait. I forgot that Krasinski’s girlfriend (Anna Kendrick) is pregnant, but he really doesn’t think he wants to be a father or to marry the girlfriend. His career is basically non-existent, though, and he’s being “floated” by her financially, as she is very rich. Still, he realizes his life ain’t so bad compared to that of his family in “red state” G-d’s country. Virtually everyone in the small town is a “lesser than” and either a jerk or backward or something.
Shame on Josh Groban for co-starring in this garbage. Also, I’m not sure how this avoided an R-rating. Standards have clearly disintegrated.
I couldn’t stand this movie from the beginning, and each time when I thought it couldn’t get any worse or more boring and depressing, it got worse, more boring, and even more depressing. This is absolute crap. And that’s an understatement. I hated the veiled, sneering, arrogant, and smug politics of this. And I just hated this in every other way, too. Who needs this? Not me. And definitely not you. This movie is so bad that it won awards at all the major movie festivals. That’s how it works. Crap rises to the top.
Pointless trash. Avoid like the plague.
FOUR MARXES PLUS A COLIN KAEPERNICK RACIST SEAL OF APPROVAL

Watch the trailer . . .

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