Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post about some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to choosing good movies to watch yourself!

Wknd Box Office: Independence Day: Resurgence, Free State of Jones, The Shallows, Neon Demon

By Debbie Schlussel








Nothing great and/or worth seeing new in movie theaters today. Sorry. You can’t put lipstick on a silver screen pig. The biggest movie wasn’t screened for critics ‘cuz it’s a bomb (and a Hillary Clinton infomercial). And then, there’s that Black Lives Matter incitement movie. Yup, we’re smack dab in the middle of what used to be the height of the summer blockbuster movie season, and the movies suck.
* Independence Day: Resurgence – PG-13: This wasn’t screened for critics, which usually means that even the studio knows it stinks. And that’s the case for this one. I went to see it last night, and it was so bad, I thought Scientology made this movie. It’s a long, slow bore, plus it’s a campaign commercial for Hillary Rodham Cankles and propaganda for the “One World”/no sovereignty crap. When I was watching it, a lot of the other moviegoers left to buy refreshments. I was very thirsty and thought, you know, if I leave to get a Coke, I won’t miss anything. I didn’t listen to my internal voice, but I should’ve. I literally would have missed nothing. This movie reminds me of a show I watched on TV a couple of decades ago, “L.A. Doctors.” The show was mildly entertaining, but it was canceled after a single season. After two decades, would I want to see a few of the actors in their old, crotchety state make a comeback with a bad script and a bunch of irrelevant newcomers? Not really. And the same goes here, with what should’ve been called, “Independence Day: Regurgence.” The original “Independence Day” came out 20 years ago. Absolutely no reason to revisit it, other than to make Hollywood’s elitism junkies even more rich.
The story: It’s 20 years later, and a chick, Sela Ward, is the Prez of the U.S. But that doesn’t really matter because the countries of the world have set aside their “petty differences,” and they are all “one people.” It’s nauseating to see the U.S. Capitol without the American flag flying overhead, but instead many countries’ flags flying in unison and equality down the walls of the Capitol building. Oh, and the “tough” chick Prez (designed to make you think positively of Hillary, complete with “mom hair”) has to take a vote from the “council” of international leaders before she can make a decision. Plus, the jet fighter pilots fly for all different countries, including the Chi-Coms. Buh-bye, U.S. Air Force. The only good part of this is when the chick Prez and her supporters are killed and an alpha male general becomes Prez (with no qualms about making commands independent of others).
So, now, the aliens from two decades ago have returned to destroy Earth after harvesting its core for energy and technology upgrades. The aliens are now stronger and tougher and wreak havoc, death and destruction throughout the globe. They have a spaceship that is 3,000 miles in diameter that overshadows Earth and sucks everything upward. But that’s after the U.S. first shoots down a smaller spaceship that has nothing to do with the enemy aliens. The chick Prez, her cabinet, and other world leaders think it’s the enemy. Despite Jeff Goldblum’s and former Prez Bill Pullman’s warnings not to shoot it, the Prez gets the pilots to shoot it down. After she’s killed (aliens attack the underground bunker where she and the entire cabinet are being sheltered), the aforementioned general takes over as Commander-in-Chief. Even though the aliens seem to have total control and are much more powerful than the humans and their planes and bombs, somehow–miraculously–the human pilots and others on the ground manage to kill the queen alien, who is a giant. It doesn’t make sense and is stupid, but by that time, you just don’t care.
Oh, and did I mention that in a couple of obligatory “Muslim savages are people, too” scenes, we see the angst and worry of a bunch of ISIS Muslims in a tent in the desert when the aliens invade. Then, we see them–complete with keffiyehs and hijabs–cheering when mostly American pilots defeat the aliens. Uh-huh, like that would ever happen. And, I’m sure, as the movie tells us, ISIS Muslims put down their beheading swords and burn-them-alive cages because we are all now “one people.” Yup, that would definitely happen.
There’s nothing “Independent” about “Indepence Day” other than its independence from story, plot, and entertainment of any sort.
TWO MARXES PLUS TWO L. RON HUBBARDS

Watch the trailer . . .

* Free State of Jones – R: This is this summer’s Black Lives Matter/“Twelve Years a Slave” (read my review) movie, designed to incite and provide an excuse for Black Americans to hate on da Crackaz. In this case, Matthew McConaghey is an honorary BLM member, playing real-life figure Newton Knight. But the filmmakers take liberties with Knight’s story in order to fit Hollywood’s narrative. A lot of liberties. Moreover, the movie has a Bernie Sanders/Occupy vibe to it. So your Hillary-votin’ neighbor will just love it . . . and love to slop in the White guilt or the Black lording and feelings of entitlement.
To say this movie is incredibly heavy-handed is the understatement of the year. It’s chock full of N-words and evil, racist, violent, murderous White people. I guess someone forgot to tell them that slavery ended 1.5 centuries ago and the prevalent racism in this country is Blacks against Whites. But you won’t ever see a Hollywood movie about that. Nor will you see one about the places where slavery of and racism (and mass murder) against Blacks is still prevalent today: the Muslim Mid-East and Muslim-dominated sections of Africa.
The story in this movie: Knight, a Southern farmer from the Mississippi County of Jones is a nurse on the Civil War battlefield. He sees a lot of death and dismemberment, and the screen doesn’t spare the viewer from the most grotesque examples of that, including dismembered leg joints, shot-up faces, and pigs eating the dead. One day, the Confederates are told that owners of at least 20 slaves get to go home from the war and no longer have to fight. Knight and the others sitting around the fire next to the battlefield are upset. They don’t own slaves, and they don’t grow cotton. So they wonder what they’re fighting for and are upset that they are “fighting a rich man’s war.” On top of that, Knight’s young nephew comes to find him, telling him that that Confederate Army is seizing all of the family’s crops, livestock, and property, leaving them with nothing to eat and live on. Right after that, the young nephew is killed on the battlefield, further angering Knight.
So, Knight deserts and returns home to Jones County, where he trains the people to resist the Confederates. Then, the Confederates get mad and try to capture Knight as a deserter. They use the dogs that are usually used to track down escaped slaves to try to find Knight. He gets bitten by the dogs, but escapes to a swamp, where he is tended to and befriended by escaped slaves and Rachel (Gugu Mbatha-Raw), the beautiful slave of a neighboring rich man who owns a plantation. Soon, Knight organizes the entire Country of Jones–Whites and escaped slaves–into a militia to fight the Confederate Army. And after that, he organizes three counties to do the same. Knight has essentially abandoned his White wife and son and begins a romance with the female Black slave, who was raped by her wealthy master. After the war, Knight and the slave settle down on their own homestead farm and have a child. His White wife and son join him and live there, too. And they all live happily ever after.
Stitched in and out of the movie are scenes of a court case in the late 1940s against a descendant of Knight, Davis Knight. Davis Knight is married to a White woman and appears to be White. But he is apparently one-eighth Black because he is a descendant of Knight and the Black slave, Rachel. Because of this, Mississippi prosecutes him for violating its anti-miscegenation laws. Again, I’m not sure what the point of all this is, since interracial couples are all over the place now, and many TV commercials and store fliers and catalogs pimp us on interracial relationships regularly. Also, the press regularly cheers on the “browning of America.” The movie seems like more piling on and justification for those media cheers of the extinction of White America.
As noted above, the movie takes quite a bit of liberties and makes up a lot of stuff to make the story more palatable and in line with liberal Hollywood’s agenda and narrative. There was never a Knight nephew who died on the battlefield. That whole vignette never happened. Yup, completely fabricated. And Knight never deserted. He was given a furlough to leave to visit a sick relative. You can learn more about what’s true and isn’t in this movie from a great site, History vs. Hollywood.
The movie also shields us from Knight’s weird unconventional cult-like life afterward. He and his wife Serena had nine children, not just the one depicted in the movie. He and the former slave Rachel had five children. And Rachel was not the slave of a local plantation owner. She was Knight’s grandfather’s slave. She also brought with her the four children she had with her former slave owner, presumably Knight’s grandfather. After she died, Knight had sex with and fathered at least two kids with Rachel’s daughter (and maybe his aunt) Georgeanne. Now, all of these kids, including the ones Knight had with Rachel and Serena and Georgeanne and those Rachel had with Knight’s grandfather, married each other and had kids. Weird, gross, and definitely incestuous. Of course, none of that is shown in the movie because then we’d know the real Knight was a multi-babydaddy and incestuous weirdo, which would sully Hollywood’s glorification of the guy in this propaganda flick.
On top of all that, while McConaghey’s acting is good, the movie is a long, slow slog that seems like it will never end. When it finally does, after two hours and 19 minutes, you’re thankful . . . and wonder when the next Black Lives Matter movie is coming down the pike to punch you in the face.
By the way, this is produced and financed by Huayi Brothers Media Corp. a/k/a “H. Brothers,” a Chi-Com company, which some American studios enlist to finance their films. When is the movie about Chinese slavery (which exists to date) going to come out?
TWO MARXES PLUS THREE OBAMAS PLUS THREE MICHELLE LAVAUGHN ROBINSON HUSSEIN OBAMA IDI AMIN DADAS PLUS TWO JESSE JACKSONS PLUS TWO AL SHARPTONS

Watch the trailer . . .

* The Shallows – PG-13: This stars the beautiful Blake Lively. And although she clearly does a lot of work, physically and emotionally, on the acting front in the movie, it’s just not a middle of summer big movie. It’s more like a made-for-TV, Lifetime-esque, damsel-in-distress movie. Or, at least, a January or August pet-cemetery-of-movie movie. For guys, there are a plenty of close-up shots of the toned Lively’s body in a tiny bikini. But the movie, while entertaining for sure, just isn’t anything extraordinary or very suspenseful, especially for a “man (or in this case, woman) versus the elements” flick. For instance, last year’s “The Revenant” is far more exciting and worthwhile, even if you loathe Leonardo DiCrapio’s politics, as I do.
The story: Lively is the daughter of an American woman who passed away from an illness, apparently cancer of some sort. She has a photo of her mother at a younger age, surfing at a secluded, secret, hidden Mexican beach. And so she goes to Mexico with a girlfriend and convinces a local to drive her to the secret beach, while her friend is with some guy. Nobody will tell her the name of the secret beach, and yet she tells the driver that she will summon an Uber driver to get back to her hotel at the end of the day. Um, how do you get an Uber guy to pick you up at “you know, that secret beach no one will tell me the name of”? Also, who goes alone, driven by a total stranger, to the middle of a jungle, to a secluded beach, all alone, in a foreign country? Incredibly stupid. Even more stupid: going surfing alone there, when the only others nearby are two 20-something males who could easily rape, torture, and kill you without a single witness. But Lively’s character does all this, because paying silly tribute to her late mother is so much more important than safety and common sense. This is the kind of movie where you tell your daughter, niece, or granddaughter (if you have one of these), “Don’t do what she did.”
Lively goes surfing off the beach and has a great time. She rides high waves and sees dolphins jumping over her. But then the two guys nearby leave, and she sees a sick whale that has come close to shore. Suddenly, a shark is nearby and bites her leg, injuring her and causing a lot of blood to emerge. She realizes that the shark thinks she is disturbing his “meal”–the sick whale. For the rest of the movie, Lively–who plays a medical student–treats her wound and struggles to stay alive. In the meantime, the shark has his violent, bloody way with the only visitors to the secluded beach. And Lively is, all the while, stuck in the water, trying to live by taking shelter on a rock and then a buoy and hanging out with a seagull who is a character in his/her own right.
This isn’t Jaws, even though the shark somewhat resembles the movies’ most famous underwater danger. And while fighting off and trying to outsmart a shark is exciting, the shark in this movie strains credulity. It’s very vindictive and way too smart, figuring out even how to destroy a buoy and its anchor system. Come on . . . .
But, like I said, this is entertaining and suspenseful in a campy kind of way. Not a great movie, but fun escapism nonetheless. And not the worst I’ve seen.
ONE REAGAN

Watch the trailer . . .

* The Neon Demon – R: The feel-good cannibal, necrophilia, lesbian model movie of the year! I absolutely hate-hate-hated this movie written and directed by Nicolas Winding Refn (who also directed the openly anti-Semitic and extremely violent and grisly 2011 movie, “Drive” (read my review)). There’s a reason his last name rhymes with effin’. This movie is effin’ terrible. High on style, low on story, and absolutely stupid and disgusting. Two wasted hours of my life I’ll never get back.
The story: Elle Fanning plays a young, new model who has just arrived in Los Angeles and wants to make it big. Quickly, she does. And two other established models are jealous. All three of the women are blonde and gorgeous. A makeup artist who meets Fanning and is nice to her has a secret lesbian crush on her, but when she reveals her feelings to Fanning (and tries to rape her), Fanning rejects the makeup artist. So the makeup artist, who also works on cadavers at a funeral home, has sex with a dead body and fantasizes about Fanning. Soon enough, she and the two jealous models end up killing Fanning, and then, it turns out, the two models eat Fanning’s body. We learn this because one of them has Fanning’s eyeball pop out of her mouth at a photo shoot, then she vomits, and then, she kills herself by cutting out her stomach with a knife. Oh, and by the way, the blood-covered models have a lesbian shower scene to wash it all off (that’s before the aforementioned eyeball regurgitation and stomach-ectomy, or whatever you call it).
Yup, I sit through sick, warped crap like this so you don’t have to. And on top of the absolutely disgusting “story,” this movie is a total bore. It’s long, slow, and incredibly uninteresting. It’s also very disjointed and focuses way too much on becoming the next, next, big thing in pretentious, artsy-fartsy movies. The women are perfectly beautiful. The makeup is very cool and stark. And the clothes and scenes are very fancy and bright. And everybody poses for the camera with pouts and poses so stupid they are comical.
If only the movie were just as comical. But it isn’t. It’s just a warped, depraved bore made by a warped depraved bore whose goal is to shock you, steal your ten bucks, and then have you tell him how great and smart he is. He’s the primary demon here and it’s time to exorcise him from the movie biz. Long past time.
It’s trite but true–the old adage that a sucker is born every minute. That’s what the makers and distributors of this crap are banking on. And laughing at all the way to the bank.
FOUR MARXES

Watch the trailer . . .

Wknd Box Office: “Brokeback Mountain 2.0″ a/k/a Dallas Buyers Club, Best Man Holiday

BLOGGERS NOTE: I WILL BE MOVING FROM FACEBOOK TO TWITTER AND BLOGSPOT SOON!


Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post about some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to choosing good movies to watch yourself!   Wknd Box Office: “Brokeback Mountain 2.0″ a/k/a Dallas Buyers Club, Best Man Holiday

By Debbie Schlussel



**** CORRECTION: As many readers, including a very astute friend, noted, I got the name of the singer of “Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire” wrong. It was, in fact, as you’ve pointed out, Nat King Cole, NOT Bing Crosby as I had noted (the soundtrack for the movie doesn’t include the song, so I couldn’t fact check it that way). It’s been corrected, and I apologize for the error. ****



Yet another weekend with nothing to recommend among the new offerings at movie theaters.



* “Dallas Buyers Club“: Matthew McConaughey is a great actor. And I’m told by some Hollywood conservatives that he is even a Republican with conservative leanings. But I doubt it. Nobody with even a modicum of traditional American views would appear in this leftist wet dream of a movie. At once, it’s an attack on big business, “Big Pharma,” Texas cowboys, and middle America. On top of that, this highly overrated, excessively hyped propaganda movie is long, slow, and boring. And it’s the natural progression of a previous cinematic hit of its kind, which is why I dub this movie, “Brokeback Mountain 2.0″



“Based on a true story,” McConaughey is Ron Woodroof, a Texas cowboy, complete with boots, a Stetson hat, and a deep Southern accent. It is 1985, and he is an electrician, working mostly near oil wells and rigs, and he’s also a rodeo bull rider. You can’t get more Texas-y than that. Oh, and he also hates Blacks (he and his friends call them by the N-word), Muslims (he and his friends call them the Sand-N-word), and gays (he calls ‘em “queers” and is disgusted by Rock Hudson, who had at the time come down with AIDS). In short, he’s the perfect caricature of how leftists see the Republican voter and every last soul in flyover country between Los Angeles and New York.



But Woodroof, who is an extremely nasty, sordid, ugly, and unlikable character (at least, in this movie), is forced to become newly accepting of all the gays, including transvestites, and fight the pharmaceutical industry, after he learns he has AIDS. And this, predictably, makes him a better, nicer person.



He has AIDS because he’s had a ton of unprotected sex with various slutty women, including inside the bullpen at the rodeo. And he’s been told to get his affairs in order, as the doctor tells him he has 30 days to live. After paying off hospital workers to get on the then-experimental AZT drug, his health quickly degenerates, and he nearly dies. He learns from an expat American doctor, who lost his license and now works in Mexico, that AZT will kill him and that he needs to go on an alternative blend of vitamins, minerals, and other homeopathic concoctions.



Soon, Woodroof has set up his own club for those with AIDS–the “Dallas Buyers Club.” For an annual membership of several hundred dollars, the buyer can obtain the alternative medicine treatment. His partner is a transvestite (Jared Leto), who looks more feminine and far less transvestitish than that female impersonator, Savannah Guthrie, who hosts NBC’s “Today Show.” But the doctors and Big Pharma want to shut him down. And McConaughey spends the rest of the movie fighting them in court and seeking new avenues to obtain the “meds” (including from Japan). Jennifer Garner plays a mopey, very concerned doctor who befriends Woodroof, and adds nothing to the mix, other than a chick co-star role.



I’m all for the free market and the freedom to kill yourself with alternative medicine, so I mildly liked the fact that the character in this movie fights big government and Big Brother. But that’s really not the main point of this movie. It’s that the capitalist, big pharmaceutical companies (whose AIDS cocktails today have made the virus virtually non-fatal) and doctors are the ones killing da gays. That– along with, “see, you intolerant right wingers are gonna be forced to make nice with the trannies!”–are this movie’s main messages. And I’m just not interested in fiction that ridiculous.



Yup, it’s not very interesting. Not very exciting. Not very happy. Just a depressing annoyance unfortunately occupying far too many movie screens in America. And not something you should spend a penny or a second on.



The rule continues to ring true: if the mainstream media movie critics love it, chances are, you’ll hate it. That’s the case here. Or, at least, it was with me.



FOUR MARXES PLUS THREE OBAMAS PLUS TWO BIN LADENS



* “The Best Man Holiday“: Shoulda been called, “Yet Another Dopey Black Minstrel Show Served Up By Spike Lee’s Cousin.” If I were Black, I’d be offended at the choices that Hollywood–and Black Hollywood–give me. There are basically only two kinds of movies aimed at Black audiences: dopey comedies that remind me of “The Love Boat” or “Three’s Company” on steroids, or slavery/racism movies. Is that all there is? Sadly, yes. And this one goes in the latter category. It’s a stupid, predictable, unnecessarily melodramatic, racist minstrel show. And it’s brought to you courtesy of Malcolm D. Lee, Jew-hatin’, racist Spike’s cousin. It’s also chock full of Black women fighting each other and talking trash. Oh,and Black men fighting each other and talking trash.



The movie is a sequel to 1999′s “The Best Man,” which I (thankfully) did not see. Not sure why a sequel needed to be made, especially if the first one was as bad as this one is. Apparently, in the first one, a football player (Morris Chestnut) is marrying a woman, but his best man (Taye Diggs) sleeps with her just before the wedding, and now they hate each other. They and the other cast of characters from the first movie re-unite 15 years later (yes, I know the movie is only 14 years after the first, but don’t ask me to explain Hollywood math–they supported Obama, remember?).



It’s Christmastime, and Morris Chestnut is now an NFL football player, living in a giant mansion. He and his wife invite all of their college friends to the house for the holidays, where fights and stupid attempts at comedy ensue. Almost every man in this movie (except the token White guy) cries. In fact, the men cry more than the women. I was more than a little annoyed that “Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire” is the background song while the characters in the movie are all having sex. I think Nat King Cole just turned over in his grave, especially since it’s his rendition that’s played. Did his estate and descendants really need the royalties that badly? Apparently.



The movie has such scintillating dialogue as the arguments over which of the women is best at “rocking the mic,” a disgusting sexual reference. I’ll never look at a microphone the same way again. Thanks, Spike Lee’s cousin.



Here are some of the other “fabulous” lines in the movie:



* “I know my way around a vagina.”



* To the White boyfriend (Eddie Cibrian) of one of the women, “Do you have a Django Candyland fantasy, or this is the first time you’ve gone to the exotic jungle?”



* One of the other women referring to the White boyfriend, “If I had my way, that’s what I’d get: a tall vanilla swag of latte.”



* “Hell, I don’t know why White people pay me to tell them what Black people like. I’m light skinned.”



* “You hardly hear of Brothers with low sperm count issues, especially with baby mamas and baby mama drama.”



There was one good, funny line in the movie–when Terrence Howard says, “If they can get the word, ‘homo,’ banned, we can get the word, ‘N—er,’ banned,” and then immediately turns to a friend and greets him with, “Hey, my N—er!” (Also funny: when the Black guys call the White boyfriend, “Robin Thicke.”) But it wasn’t worth sitting through this painful disaster for that. Not even close.



There was only one bright point in the movie: the stressing of faith in G-d and Christianity, which is embodied by the only decent, likable couple in the movie (the football player and his wife). But despite that, they utter a ton of F-words, along with the rest of the cast.



It’s always amazing to me that Black America gets exercised over perceived racism by White America, but, yet, has no problem whatsoever in rushing to the theaters to pay ten bucks-plus for these self-hating kinds of displays.



ONE MARX PLUS FOUR OBAMAS

Wknd Box Office: Lawless, Killer Joe, Celeste & Jesse Forever

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last weekand THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!




Wknd Box Office: Lawless, Killer Joe, Celeste & Jesse Forever

By Debbie Schlussel



Sorry I’m late with my movie reviews but I had a lot going on Friday (couldn’t get ‘em done in time for the Jewish Sabbath), I hated the new movies, and there are no blockbusters among them. Remember, August is the cemetery in which Hollywood studios send the worst movies to die a quick death. And this weekend shows that in spades. I did not see “The Possession,” which was not screened for Detroit-area critics (which usually means it’s a bomb).





* “Lawless“: There are plenty of interesting moonshiner stories in America (and I’ve written about one of them, Marvin “Popcorn” Sutton), but this wasn’t one of them. This long, slow, boring, waste of time was nothing but two hours of torture porn and killing. It was bloody and violent with no point to it. I’m disappointed in the Gary Oldman and Guy Pearce–two terrific actors I admire–for taking what was obviously just a paycheck. They co-star in this absolute garbage.













Shia LaBeouf, in the movie’s lead role, just cannot do a Southern accent. He plays one of three real-life moonshining brothers in Franklin County, Virginia during the prohibition. Between the three brothers, there are three different Southern accents. Even more ridiculous is the story. There’s hardly a plot, little suspense, and just a whole lot of blood and sickening scenes, such as the one in which a man is literally tarred and feathered (am I racist for saying that?). The brothers fight rivals, thugs, corrupt cops, and a corrupt federal prosecutor from Chicago (Pearce). And I just could not have cared less. The whole purpose of the movie was to show as much violence and torture porn as possible and make all of the characters as unsympathetic and uninteresting as possible. Graphic, gory, and just plain garbage. And frankly, if everyone in the movie would have been killed off at the beginning, I’d have applauded. Sadly, some lived.



Skip this.



FOUR MARXES



* “Killer Joe“: This is the second torture/killing porn movie of the week, and it’s far worse than “Lawless.” It’s rated NC-17, and it’s just sick and utterly warped. Complete garbage. Matthew McConaughey plays a police detective in Texas who doubles as a hitman. He demands $25,000 for a hit. A trashy family that lives in a trailer wants to hire him. The adult son (Emile Hirsch) owes some mobsters $6,000 in gambling debt, and he wants to hire a hitman to kill his mother for insurance money to pay off his debt so he can avoid being killed. He convinces his father (Thomas Haden Church), who is divorced from his mother, to agree to hire the hitman. But they don’t have any money to pay him, and he wants his money up front. So, they agree to give their respective sister/daughter, who is mildly retarded (not sure if I’m allowed to say that word in this PC-world, but “mildly-Downs Syndrome-afflicted” sounds ridiculous), to the hitman to have sex with her at whim as a “retainer” payment. Sound warped enough for you? It gets worse. The movies is absolutely disgusting, incredibly violent and bloody, and features a scene in which McConaughey’s character forces a women to simulate oral sex with a piece of fried chicken on his crotch while he masturbates. Yup, Hollywood keeps getting more warped. High Quality Al-Qaeda terrorist recruitment material.



Despicable. Absolute trash.



FOUR MARXES PLUS A BIN LADEN




* “Celeste & Jesse Forever“: While this movie had a lot of funny lines, it was also extremely annoying. Rashida Jones is a driven, successful PR person who is married to her loser boyfriend she’s known since high school, the unemployed Andy Samberg. They decide to split up, and he lives in the guesthouse behind her house. But while he moves on and meets someone else, she misses him and can’t seem to move on. They are both hipsters. Ick. Um, I don’t know about you, but watching two annoying hipsters simulate manual sex on a carrot at a wedding reception ain’t exactly entertaining to me. It’s stupid and so was this movie. And I had no use from Samberg’s insertion of his Hebrew name and constant self-deprecation for being Jewish gratuitously inserted in the movie. More self-hatred from Hollywood’s Jews. And it’s hard to believe that Rashida Jones would ever be with Andy Samberg (or that anyone would be with Andy Samberg, for that matter.) The guy is talentless, and this movie is a time bandit. At the end of it, you’ll walk out wondering why you voluntarily allowed it to steal 1.5 hours and ten bucks from you.



TWO MARXES

Wknd Box Office: Magic Mike, Ted, People Like Us, Your Sister’s Sister, Safety Not Guaranteed, Where Do We Go Now?

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!





Wknd Box Office: Magic Mike, Ted, People Like Us, Your Sister’s Sister, Safety Not Guaranteed, Where Do We Go Now?

By Debbie Schlussel



Apologies for the late movie reviews, but I wasn’t feeling well Friday afternoon and don’t post on the Jewish Sabbath. Better late than never. None of the new movies is anything I can recommend. A couple of them were depressing, a couple of them gratuitously filthy, and three of them inexplicably feature the very unattractive, nerdy actor Mark Duplass as some sort of hot stud. Please stop lying to us, Hollywood.


* “Magic Mike“: Absolutely awful. It’s basically “Showgirls” with men. And that’s an insult to “Showgirls,” which at least had a tad better plot. In addition, the story in this movie was depressing. And the movie had a huge gay vibe to it. I saw enough close-ups of Channing Tatum’s and Matthew McConaughey’s naked asses to last me five Liberace/Tom Cruise/John Travolta lifetimes. Ick. And the scene of McConaughey writhing his body against another guys in a mock sexual act was not something real heterosexuals wanna watch. Ugh. This is one of those movies that makes me ask myself if maybe I’m getting too old or that it’s weird and unstylish to have class and dignity and not get excited at this gross display. I’m not turned on by seeing a bunch of oiled up, completely waxed guys romp around naked in very gay thongs. And the women who are, well, there is something weird about them, not me. But the female mega-squealing and cheering at this movie is more evidence that in our 50 Shades of Grey/Magic Mike era, the real pigs and chauvinists are women, not men. But women can get away with it. When men react this way, they are “perverts.” Aside from that, the movie is predictable, stupid, and just plain Razzie Award-worthy bad. Since when did the crass and the crude become hot commodities? And why on earth is any woman turned on by some stranger in a thong writhing his junk on her face?




The female lead in this movie is someone I never heard of: dull, one-note actress Cody Horn. But then I looked up her bio, and it explained everything about why she was cast as a star in this Warner Brothers movie: “Cody Horn is the daughter of Warner Bros. President and COO, Alan F. Horn.” I’m sure that had nothing to do with her getting the job, right? (He’s now Chairman of Disney and gone from Warner Brothers, but he ran Warner Brothers when his daughter was cast in this movie. Her mother is Cindy Harrell-Horn, a has-been B-television actress who starred in the “Ghostbusters” music video.) There was probably a quid pro quo: then less-known Tatum was allowed to get his movie made if he agreed to cast the studio chief’s daughter as the female lead. That’s how stuff gets done in Tinseltown. Also, I wonder what the ghost of Elvis thinks about his granddaughter, Riley Keough, playing a druggie slut in this low-class movie.



The story: Channing Tatum is a “Magic Mike,” a stripper (as he was in real life prior to becoming an actor). He longs to become an industrial-style furniture designer and is only stripping so he can make enough money to finance his career. He also works a number of odd jobs, including construction, where he meets Adam (Alex Pettyfer). Adam, like the real-life Tatum, dropped out of a small college where he attended on a football scholarship. And like the real-life Tatum, he’s living in Tampa on his sister’s couch. Mike takes Adam under his wing, showing him how to become a stripper, party, and pick up women. The strip club is owned and run by Matthew McConaughey. Soon Adam is partying too much, doing drugs and selling them. And he gets jammed up. Also, McConaughey and Tatum get into a fight. During all of this, Tatum is trying to pick up Adam’s sister (Cody “my Dad headed Warner Bros.” Horn), a healthcare worker who doesn’t like the whole male stripper lifestyle. And he’s also sleeping around with a woman (Olivia Munn) who wants nothing to do with him beyond sex. Shocker.



If any of this sounds new to you, you haven’t been to the movies in ages, and probably shouldn’t make your return with this low-class, low-budget-looking tripe. It stank. The plot and the acting were sub-par. The naked male butts in my face were unwelcome. This flick is great fodder for “Beavis & Butthead” or “Mystery Theater 3000″ commentary. Nothing more. And I wouldn’t be surprised if a big chunk of the audience is the gay crowd, to whom the studio has been heavily marketing this trash.



I felt like I got STDs just watching this. It’s a rancid taste of lowlifery I’d rather not digest. I definitely wasted two hours of my life I’ll never get back, watching “Frankie Goes to Hollywood,” the 2-hour extended remix. The ghost of Betty Friedan and the rest of the ugly feminist crowd got their wish: the men here are the new women–scantily clad bimbos acting like idiots. Great Gitmo torture material here.



FOUR MARXES PLUS TWO BETTY FRIEDANS PLUS TWO VILLAGE PEOPLES



* “Ted“: Mark Wahlberg–attempted murderer who took out a Vietnamese immigrant’s eye out with a meathook–plays a guy who is in arrested development and can’t grow up. The reason: his boyhood toy bear, Ted. When Wahlberg was a kid, he had no friends, and he wished that his boyhood favorite toy, a teddy bear, would become real. His wish is granted, and Ted becomes a filthy, low-life jerk, 30 years later, when Wahlberg is supposed to be an adult. Instead, Wahlberg is constantly late to work because he’s too busy smoking pot with Ted, and he otherwise goofs off. He’s dating Mila Kunis. He’s been dating her for four years, and when she thinks he’s going to propose, he gives her a pair of cheap earrings from a mall kiosk. She gives him an ultimatum: either he breaks up with Ted and kicks Ted out of the apartment, or she wants nothing to do with him.



While there are some really funny lines and moments in this movie (there is a running “Flash Gordon” movie gag running through it, complete with aged actor Sam Jones), it’s mostly just vile and disgusting. And that’s aside from the fact that the plot is stupid and predictable. If your idea of funny is topless women floating around, gratuitous sex (with a teddy bear, no less), and just vulgar language and imagery (including human feces on an apartment rug), then this movie is for you. For decent Americans, skip this piece of tripe. Gross.



FOUR MARXES PLUS TWO BIN LADENS


* “People Like Us“: This movie was just way too much melodrama for me (or anyone paying to see it). People go to the movies to escape, not to see people whining and yelling and screaming like this. Who needs it? None of the characters in this movie were likable.



Chris Pine plays a fast-talking, smooth-operating salesman for a bartering company in New York. When he learns that his father died, he tries to avoid going to Los Angeles for the funeral because he hated his father, and they weren’t close. But his girlfriend (Olivia Wilde) hamstrings him into going, and while he misses the funeral, he is staying in Los Angeles with his ice-cold mother, Michelle Pfeiffer. Soon, he discovers that he has an illegitimate sister (Elizabeth Banks) he never knew. His father leaves him $150,000 cash to give to the sister’s son. He wants to keep the money because he’s heavily in debt, but he goes to find his sister and insinuates himself into her life without telling her who he is. She falls in love with him.



Yes, that’s icky and sick. But the movie is also dumb. He has the same last name as his (and her father), and yet for weeks on end, she lets Pine hang out with her and take care of her son, without asking his last name or knowing anything about him. Would any normal person do that? No, but if she did, it would resolve the whole movie instantly. Also, in a stupid plot “twist,” Pine is instantly investigated and brought up on charges for a deal in which boxes of tomato soup exploded and leaked all over a train. Um, the government doesn’t work that fast, and the Federal Trade Commission couldn’t care less about leaking tomato soup. Whoever wrote this cockamamie script didn’t do the least amount of a reality check. Ditto for the scenes in which nebbishy actor Mark Duplass is some “hot” airline pilot with whom the beautiful Elizabeth Banks has an affair.



If there is anything useful in this movie, it’s what a mess people, who have no father in their life, turn out to be. But then we knew that, and didn’t need this movie to show us. While there is a touching scene at the end of the movie, it isn’t worth sitting through the rest of this dysfunction fest. The people in this movie are NOT like us. And we have zero reason to want to watch them annoy and aggravate us for two hours and ten dollars we’ll never retrieve.



TWO MARXES



* “Your Sister’s Sister“: Mark Duplass plays a loser whose brother just died. At the funeral, he delivers a eulogy which is an attack on his brother. His brother’s ex-girlfriend, Emily Blunt, is his best friend and tells him he’s a mess. She sends him to her father’s cabin in the woods for a respite to work out his issues. But when he gets there, he meets her lesbian half-sister (Rosemarie DeWitt), sleeps with her, and might have gotten her pregnant. But he’s in love with Blunt, who apparently has a thing for him. A silly, ridiculous love triangle and brooding is basically what this movie is about. And the ending is a rip-off. Skip-worthy to the max.



FOUR MARXES



* “Safety Not Guaranteed“: This movie could have been charming, but instead, it was an amateurish small-budget movie that was nothing more than a waste of time. A sleazy Seattle Magazine reporter (Jake M. Johnson) goes to a small town to find out the identity of the person who took out a strange newspaper ad for a companion on a time travel trip. He’s really using the trip to visit an ex-girlfriend from high school. And he takes two interns on the trip, whom he forces to do his work for him. The female intern (Aubrey Plaza) stakes out the geeky, nutty, paranoid man who took out the ad (Mark Duplass), and she falls in love with him. The reporter also corrupts the male intern, a geeky stereotypical Indian (Karan Soni). While the ending is somewhat charming, the rest of the movie isn’t. Don’t waste your time. I’ve seen film school class projects that are better. A lot of them.



THREE MARXES


* “Where Do We Go Now?“: Atrocious. This is basically “Hee Haw” for Arabs. And that’s an insult to “Hee Haw.” This movie, which takes place at some fictional city in the rural Lebanese countryside, is about the sudden rivalry and fighting between heretofore “peaceful” Muslim and Christian Arabs in a town. The men suddenly hate each other and are at war, but the women all get along and bake marijuana into the baked goods and spend their money to bring Ukrainian strippers to perform for their husbands, in order to make everything better like it once was. Sound stupid? Believe me, I’m making it sound better than it is. It’s far worse. This long, boring, pointless, horrible, never-ending movie tries to be a million things–comedy, musical, drama, romance, etc.–and fails miserably at each one. The “humor” is so backward and dated to several decades ago, it’s just annoying. Even the late Rodney King’s “Can’t We All Just Get Along?” BS is an improvement on this waste-of-time fraud of a movie. More proof that the Arab world is inept at film-making.



FOUR MARXES

Wknd Box Office: Men in Black III, Bernie, Headhunters [Hodejegerne]

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!

Wknd Box Office: Men in Black III, Bernie, Headhunters [Hodejegerne]


By Debbie Schlussel



It’s a miracle. I liked every new movie, this weekend.

* “Men in Black III“: I normally don’t like sequels, but this is the best of the three Men in Black installments . . . by far. It’s funny, it’s cute, it’s endearing, and it’s very cool. I enjoyed this fun movie, every step of the way. It’s got action, humor, aliens galore, and fantastic special effects, plus a time-travel back in history to the astronauts launch to the moon in the late ’60s.



Will Smith (Agent J) and Tommy Lee Jones (Agent K) are back as the secret agents who fight alien criminals on earth. But one of the most hardened aliens escapes from his imprisonment in Lunar-Max. And he travels back in time to kill Agent K before Agent K shoots his arm off and arrests him. Agent J (Smith) goes back in time to save his partner, Agent K–who is then decades younger and played by Josh Brolin. Brolin’s impression of Tommy Lee Jones is so spot on, it’s uncanny.


The movie is touching, entertaining, engaging, and fine for your family (though some violence with aliens and a weird kiss by the alien with his very long tongue are not suitable for young kids). One drawback: the movie co-stars anti-Israel Emma Thompson who supports boycotting Israel and its actors.



Otherwise, a great Memorial Day weekend flick destined to be a blockbuster. If you didn’t like the first two Men in Black movies, don’t worry. You’ll like this.



THREE REAGANS


* “Bernie“: This weird, but funny and light movie, is playing mostly in arthouse theaters. But it’s worth a look. It takes place in Carthage, a small town in East Texas, and stars Jack Black as an assistant funeral director. The movie is based on a true story. I’m not much of a Jack Black fan, but his acting in this is pretty good. I did not like what seemed to be a faint anti-Christian vibe, but overall it is a positive, funny portrayal of small town America and the South, which we rarely see in Hollywood. The people are smart and insightful, not dummies or backward (well, at least, most of them). And they are endearing. Matthew McConaughey plays the District Attorney.



Black’s “Bernie” is a single, effeminate man who likes to sing and dotes on all of the mourners of those who’ve died and have their funerals at the local funeral home. Bernie is well-liked and beloved by everyone in town. He particularly befriends the old widows and takes a shine to the widow of one of the town’s richest men, who is loathed by nearly everyone. She (Shirley MacLaine) takes a liking to Bernie, and soon convinces him to leave the funeral home and travel with and work for her full time. At first, he enjoys living the high life of the rich and famous. But, soon, he can no longer take her cantankerous ways.



To say what happens next would give it away.



ONE-AND-A-HALF REAGANS


* “Headhunters [Hodejegerne]“: This is a Swedish movie with English subtitles. But I recommend it, as it’s a very entertaining, funny thriller, with twists I’ve never before seen in caper movies. And as caper movies go, this is pretty good. It’s based on a novel by writer Jo Nesbo (who is, FYI, a leftist). It’s an adult movie and definitely not for kids because it’s a tad bloody and violent, and it has brief sexual themes and nudity. But it’s a smart movie and thrilling every step of the way.



Roger Brown is a short man with a Napoleonic complex. He’s married to a tall, slender, beautiful blonde woman who looks like a model and believes he’s a wealthy guy. He’s bought her an expensive home and an expensive art gallery. But he’s really not so wealthy. He’s a headhunter by profession, and uses his position to scope out valuable art of the CEO candidates he interviews. Then, he and a partner in crime rip off the artworks, replacing them with forgeries and selling off the real goods on the black market.



Soon, though, he is trying to figure out how to steal the art of a mysterious, handsome former CEO and mercenary, whom he is also trying to place in a job and whom he sees as a threat to his marriage. Can’t tell you more, or it would spoil the fun. If you can’t find this in theaters, definitely check it out when it’s released on video.



THREE REAGANS

Wknd Box Office: Limitless, Lincoln Lawyer, Paul

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/  reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last week and  THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed!  This all  follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!

Wknd Box Office: Limitless, Lincoln Lawyer, Paul


By Debbie Schlussel



Incredibly, there are two GREAT new movies at the theater, this weekend:



* “Limitless“: This is a great movie. I enjoyed every single second of it (except the ending, which had some giant gaping holes in it). I’m normally not a fan of Bradley Cooper, but his acting was perfect in this interesting flick. This is bloody and violent and not for kids, despite the PG-13 rating. But it’s a fun, escapist film for adults. And a good moral message about how there is no “perfect drug,” even if that message gets kinda muddled at the end.


As you probably know, humans use only a limited portion of the brain. Who wouldn’t want to take a pill that allows you to use all areas of your brain, become more efficient, and get things done? That’s what Cooper’s character does. A down and out writer, he’s a loser who isn’t making it in life, and is resigned to likely failure. But then he runs into his ex-brother-in-law, a drug dealer, who gives him a pill that utilizes all areas of the brain. Suddenly, he’s staying up all night cleaning up his apartment, quickly writing the brilliant novel he dreamed of, and effortlessly putting together formulas that help him win in the stock market. It’s kind of like friends I’ve had who take Adderall, the ADD drug. At first, they are very efficient and hyper-focused.


Cooper’s life is going swimmingly, and he soon finds himself joining forces with a corporate titan, a billionaire played by Robert De Niro (who proudly attended the UN showing of the anti-Semitic, anti-Israel movie, “Miral,” this week). But, then, there are more than a few serious obstacles in the form of people and symptoms that come his way. Saying anything else about the plot will spoil the movie.


This is not just a great thriller. It’s also great science fiction. I’m told that the book on which it is based, Alan Glynn’s The Dark Fields, has a darker ending, which I’d have preferred. Still, I recommend it highly. Movies like this are the reason people leave their stress-filled lives to enjoy a night out at the movies.



THREE-AND-A-HALF REAGANS




* “The Lincoln Lawyer“: As a practicing attorney who does some criminal defense work, I always look to see if legal thrillers pass the smell test. Do they pull things that a real lawyer never would or could do? Does stuff happen in court that’s just not credible when juxtaposed with real life? This one not only passes that smell test, but it’s a fun thriller, starring a terrific actor, Matthew McConaughey (even if he’s nutty in real life). It’s bloody and violent and not for kids (thus, the R rating). But it’s a good adult night out at the movies.



No, this has nothing to do with Abraham Lincoln or Lincoln, Nebraska. McConaughey is a sleazy criminal defense attorney who conducts his law practice out of the back seat of a chauffeur-driven early 1980s model Lincoln Continental Town Car (my late father drove the same car–nice ride!). He works with the help of an investigator, played by William H. Macy. Meanwhile, McConaughey’s ex-wife, Marisa Tomei, is a prosecutor who works for the District Attorney. The stuff McConaughey pulls I’ve seen too many lawyers pull. It’s all believable. He’s all about the Benjamins, like far too many lawyers.



McConaughey is hired by Ryan Phillippe, the son of a rich Beverly Hills real estate investor, who is charged with attempted murder of a prostitute he met at a bar. But, as with all legal thrillers, things are not as they seem. And McConaughey finds that his current client’s case is inextricably tied into a past client’s legal entanglement.



The tempo in this movie is great, and while it has a great deal of action, it also shows some of the real predicaments in which defense lawyers often find themselves. It’s clever and well done, even though we’ve seen similar plot lines before in previous legal thrillers.



THREE REAGANS



Paul“: What could have been a great movie and started out with such hilarity and promise, turned into a non-stop blatant attack on religious Christians, gun owners, Second Amendment advocates, and middle Americans with main street values. Oh, and it’s chock full of four-letter words, which dominate the lines.



Two British comic book geeks, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost (the anti-Christian bigots who wrote this script), are in the U.S. for Comic-Con (the comic book/sci-fi convention) and then drive cross-country to see their favorite UFO/alien/sci-fi spots, such as Area 51. The opening scene at Comic-Con is hilarious. But it’s all downhill from there. Along the way, they meet typically violent, backward, homophobic gun owners (is there any other kind of gun owner in Hollywood?) and backward cops who “stupidly” question why British cops don’t have guns (yeah, that’s “real stupid” . . . if you’re a liberal).



Soon, they encounter an animated extraterrestrial alien, “Paul,” voiced by Seth Rogen (which should be enough to scare you away), who has escaped from U.S. government custody after a long imprisonment. He is being chased by a government agent (Jason Bateman) and his boss (Susan “Sigourney” Weaver). Pegg and Frost help hid Paul in their RV and take him on some unspecified mission to a destination the identity of which they do not know. At one stop early on in the movie, they spend the night at a trailer park run by a “nutty” fundamentalist Christian father and daughter with the last name of Buggs. Pegg, Frost, and Paul entice the daughter (Kristen Wiig) to give up her “backward” Christian ways and Bible in favor of swearing like a sailor and speaking graphically ad nauseam about having sex.



Do you really care what happens next? I didn’t. It’s basically a “Let’s Make Fun of Christians and Gun-Owners” flick. They would never make a movie like this with Islam and Muslims mocked the way Christians and Christianity are in this piece of crap. It’s yet another reminder why Republicans winning the House doesn’t make a damn bit of difference if conservatives flail in the culture wars. “Bitter gun and Bible clingers” don’t have even a foot in Hollywood’s door.



FOUR MARXES PLUS AN OBAMA PLUS A BIN LADEN