Wknd Box Office: Lawless, Killer Joe, Celeste & Jesse Forever

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last weekand THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!




Wknd Box Office: Lawless, Killer Joe, Celeste & Jesse Forever

By Debbie Schlussel



Sorry I’m late with my movie reviews but I had a lot going on Friday (couldn’t get ‘em done in time for the Jewish Sabbath), I hated the new movies, and there are no blockbusters among them. Remember, August is the cemetery in which Hollywood studios send the worst movies to die a quick death. And this weekend shows that in spades. I did not see “The Possession,” which was not screened for Detroit-area critics (which usually means it’s a bomb).





* “Lawless“: There are plenty of interesting moonshiner stories in America (and I’ve written about one of them, Marvin “Popcorn” Sutton), but this wasn’t one of them. This long, slow, boring, waste of time was nothing but two hours of torture porn and killing. It was bloody and violent with no point to it. I’m disappointed in the Gary Oldman and Guy Pearce–two terrific actors I admire–for taking what was obviously just a paycheck. They co-star in this absolute garbage.













Shia LaBeouf, in the movie’s lead role, just cannot do a Southern accent. He plays one of three real-life moonshining brothers in Franklin County, Virginia during the prohibition. Between the three brothers, there are three different Southern accents. Even more ridiculous is the story. There’s hardly a plot, little suspense, and just a whole lot of blood and sickening scenes, such as the one in which a man is literally tarred and feathered (am I racist for saying that?). The brothers fight rivals, thugs, corrupt cops, and a corrupt federal prosecutor from Chicago (Pearce). And I just could not have cared less. The whole purpose of the movie was to show as much violence and torture porn as possible and make all of the characters as unsympathetic and uninteresting as possible. Graphic, gory, and just plain garbage. And frankly, if everyone in the movie would have been killed off at the beginning, I’d have applauded. Sadly, some lived.



Skip this.



FOUR MARXES



* “Killer Joe“: This is the second torture/killing porn movie of the week, and it’s far worse than “Lawless.” It’s rated NC-17, and it’s just sick and utterly warped. Complete garbage. Matthew McConaughey plays a police detective in Texas who doubles as a hitman. He demands $25,000 for a hit. A trashy family that lives in a trailer wants to hire him. The adult son (Emile Hirsch) owes some mobsters $6,000 in gambling debt, and he wants to hire a hitman to kill his mother for insurance money to pay off his debt so he can avoid being killed. He convinces his father (Thomas Haden Church), who is divorced from his mother, to agree to hire the hitman. But they don’t have any money to pay him, and he wants his money up front. So, they agree to give their respective sister/daughter, who is mildly retarded (not sure if I’m allowed to say that word in this PC-world, but “mildly-Downs Syndrome-afflicted” sounds ridiculous), to the hitman to have sex with her at whim as a “retainer” payment. Sound warped enough for you? It gets worse. The movies is absolutely disgusting, incredibly violent and bloody, and features a scene in which McConaughey’s character forces a women to simulate oral sex with a piece of fried chicken on his crotch while he masturbates. Yup, Hollywood keeps getting more warped. High Quality Al-Qaeda terrorist recruitment material.



Despicable. Absolute trash.



FOUR MARXES PLUS A BIN LADEN




* “Celeste & Jesse Forever“: While this movie had a lot of funny lines, it was also extremely annoying. Rashida Jones is a driven, successful PR person who is married to her loser boyfriend she’s known since high school, the unemployed Andy Samberg. They decide to split up, and he lives in the guesthouse behind her house. But while he moves on and meets someone else, she misses him and can’t seem to move on. They are both hipsters. Ick. Um, I don’t know about you, but watching two annoying hipsters simulate manual sex on a carrot at a wedding reception ain’t exactly entertaining to me. It’s stupid and so was this movie. And I had no use from Samberg’s insertion of his Hebrew name and constant self-deprecation for being Jewish gratuitously inserted in the movie. More self-hatred from Hollywood’s Jews. And it’s hard to believe that Rashida Jones would ever be with Andy Samberg (or that anyone would be with Andy Samberg, for that matter.) The guy is talentless, and this movie is a time bandit. At the end of it, you’ll walk out wondering why you voluntarily allowed it to steal 1.5 hours and ten bucks from you.



TWO MARXES

“Transformers: Dark of the Moon” Review

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/  reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last week and  THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed!  This all  follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!

“Transformers: Dark of the Moon” Review


By Debbie Schlussel



As longtime readers might remember, I absolutely hated the second Transformers movie, “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” (read my review). And it wasn’t just ‘cuz Israel was wiped off the map, as was the Middle East’s greatest air force (and along with the USAF, the world’s greatest), the Israeli Air Force. It was because the movie was preposterous, with little story. And it was simply waaay tooo looong. Well, “Transformers: Dark of the Moon” is far better than the second installment. But it’s still a mess. And 2 hours, 40 minutes? Come on, Michael Bay. Learn some editing skills. Still waaay toooo loooong.





I also question the use of multiple four-letter words, sexual innuendos, and a chick’s butt shots in a movie based on a kids’ cartoon (and toy) and aimed at kids, complete with multiple movie tie-in toys. (They pulled this foul-mouthed, vulgar crap in the second Transformers flick, too, and I raised the same issue then.) I mean, really, you feature a dialogue about a sex book, “She Comes First,” and show a vaginal-like fruit on the cover, in a movie like this? Mommy, Mommy, I want that book with the nice open papaya with black seeds on it. She Comes First, Daddy. Even worse, the dialogue is between main character Sam (Shia LeBeouf) and his mother. Not just icky. Creepy.



That said, I loved the special effects, especially the stuff in the last part of the movie, in which a building keeps falling and splitting and the main characters try to hang on. Very cool in a post- “Inception” (read my review) kinda way. And, as we know, the special effects are the only reason people go to see this thing. It was in 3-D, which is something of a headache, after more than two hours.



As for the story, well, I wasn’t completely sure what was going on, until it became clear that it was a new fight between the decepticons and the good transformers, the autobots. But it started out with something about the various moon landings and how when we landed on the moon, we saw an old transformer ship that crashed on the moon. Also, John F. Kennedy, Richard Nixon, and even (sadly) Barack Obama make their cameos. It’s interesting that this is the second movie–and second movie sequel–this summer to weave footage of JFK and history into the movie (the first being “X-Men: First Class” – read my review). The various incarnations of landing on the moon and the U.S. space program play a role in the storyline because in modern day, apparently the reason the space program has been ruined is that humans working for the decepticons made it too expensive to afford advancements in space. Well, I give it an “A” for inventiveness, but a “C-” for delivery.



Like I said, there wasn’t much of a story. But, basically, Sam (LeBeouf) is dating and living with a Victoria’s Secret model (Rosie Huntington-Whitely) who works for a champion auto racer (Patrick Dempsey). Sam is jealous . . . and unemployed. He gets a job at a NASA contractor, and is suddenly back to helping his transformer friends stave off the decepticons who are trying to colonize earth and enslave humans.



I found most of the movie dull and kinda silly, until the last, very prolonged scenes of great special effects with American soldiers fighting machines from other planets. And a lot of it seemed like rehashes of the first couple of movies fights between the various parties. But it had its moments, like an appearance by real-life astronaut Buzz Aldrin. Love him.



HALF A REAGAN

Celebrities - How they Act

I wanted to send you this article to let you know about how America's celebrety culture is doing. You are probably force-fed a lot about celebrities from various sources and this is a partial analysis of what is going on.

Celebrities Need to Start Acting Like Celebrities
S. E. Cupp
http://townhall.com/columnists/SECupp/2008/12/08/celebrities_need_to_start_acting_like_celebritiesWhen

I was younger, it was "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous." Now, thanks to VH1 and MTV series like "The Fabulous Life" and "Cribs," we common folk are increasingly aware of the, well, fabulous excesses of celebrity living. Whether it's Kimora Lee Simmons's staggering shoe collection, Jerry Seinfeld's warehouse of collector cars, or the many international mansions of Brad and Angelina, it seems today's celebrity can have anything, anytime.
So why aren't some of them acting like it? New York Giants' star wide receiver Plaxico Burress was recently charged with criminal possession of a firearm after he accidentally shot himself in the foot in a New York City nightclub. The gun was unlicensed by the state of New York, where the shooting took place, and the license he had for the firearm in Florida had expired.
Burress said he needed the gun -- a loaded .40-caliber Glock, which does not have a safety -- for protection, as he was carrying loads of cash and wearing expensive jewelry to the nightclub. Fair enough -- millionaire athletes are understandably appealing targets of robbery and a number of high profile incidents have been reported in the last couple of years.
Last year, New York Knicks center Eddy Curry was robbed inside his Chicago home. Minnesota Timberwolves forward Antoine Walker was robbed at gunpoint. Washington Redskins safety Sean Taylor was shot and killed in his Miami home in a suspected robbery.
But with all his money -- Burress signed a five-year, $35 million contract this fall -- is it unreasonable to assume he can hire private security guards to accompany him on public outings? Is it really necessary for a celebrity like Plaxico to arm and protect himself, especially when doing so clearly puts him and those around him at risk of being accidentally shot in the foot?
Over the years, luxury living has birthed new cottage industries, giving way to personal shoppers, stylists, chefs, trainers, and travel concierges, the more successful of whom even have their own television shows now. Most Americans who aren't famous spend an inordinate amount of time devising intricate schematics often involving Venn diagrams and Pi to figure out how they will get the kids from school to soccer, pick up the dry cleaning, make the PTA meeting, get dinner on the table, wash the car and rake the leaves, while still finding time to squeeze in a shower.
But some celebrities make inexplicable decisions that seem to defy logic -- and their bulging bank accounts. It seems a day doesn't go by anymore when TMZ or Perez Hilton isn't reporting on a celebrity DUI or driving incident. Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie, Vivica A. Fox, Haley Joel Osment, Michael Phelps, Kiefer Sutherland, Heather Locklear, Mel Gibson, Joba Chamberlain, Shia La Boeuf...the list goes on and on of celebrities who didn't have the good common sense to employ drivers -- or take a taxi -- to make their night on the town safer for them and everyone else. What's the use of earning $12 million a picture or $1 million an episode if not to make life easier and safer?
Before Britney Spears' life was taken over by the California legal system and her conservator father, we watched her drive herself all over Los Angeles, seemingly to run mundane errands to grocery stores, drug stores and gas stations, making her life virtually indistinguishable from yours and mine, except that paparazzi would fiendishly tail her wherever she went. The madness resulted in a number of psychiatric detentions and the loss of custody of her two kids. If there were ever a case for drivers and security guards, this was it.
Clearly the decision to drive themselves, even if intoxicated, and arm themselves, even if illegally, isn't about money or means. It seems, rather, it's one of invincibility and entitlement. Athletes like Plaxico behave as if they are above the law, and have little problem throwing minions like us under the bus to keep it that way. He asked the New York City nightclub to let him in with his firearm, and asked the hospital that treated him not to report the incident. In what were bad decisions, both agreed, and could now rightly face charges themselves.
For years LA and New York City nightclubs have knowingly allowed underage celebrities to drink in their establishments. After the actor has consumed his weight in vodka, he teeters out the front door and the club valets usher him into the driver's seat of his waiting Escalade. The culpability lies with many, but the solution lies with one. Hire a driver. Hire a body guard. Problem solved.
But Paris Hilton doesn't drive because she has to, she drives because she wants to. And Plaxico Burress doesn't carry a loaded gun because he needs to, he carries one because he wants to.
New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg said people like Plaxico Burress especially deserve prosecution because they are public role models. That's a lovely thought, but it's misguided. In theory a star wide receiver like Burress could make a great role model, but in practice, there's much evidence to the contrary. Foisting a role model mantle on a celebrity is often an arbitrary, preposterous, and incredibly disappointing exercise in futility.
Indeed, scolding Burress in an attempt to make him want to be a "better person" is the wrong tact, a waste of time, and, frankly, outside the jurisdiction of any elected official. I don't need or expect my celebrities to be saints -- I already have role models in my men and women in uniform, the tireless volunteers I know, childhood teachers and my parents. But I do expect my celebrities to throw their easily-earned money around in ways I cannot afford to do. Celebrities deserve prosecution for episodes like this precisely because they are celebrities -- and it's about time they started acting like it.