Wknd Box Office: J. Edgar, Immortals, Like Crazy, Martha Marcy May Marlene

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/  reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last week and  THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed!  This all  follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!

Wknd Box Office: J. Edgar, Immortals, Like Crazy, Martha Marcy May Marlene


By Debbie Schlussel



Not much to like new at the box office this weekend. Sorry. But if you get a chance, I recommend getting the DVD, “Taking Chance” with Kevin Bacon, which is a very moving Veterans Day/Memorial Day movie about a soldier who accompanies the body of a soldier killed in action in Iraq (or Afghanistan, I forget which) back to his hometown for his funeral. At some point, I’ll post a complete review of it on this site. It’s a FOUR REAGAN movie and less than 1.5 hours. As for what’s new at the movies, this week (I did not see Adam Sandler’s “Jack & Jill”):















* “J. Edgar“: There are four things you need to know about this complete joke of a movie:  1)  it’s directed by gay marriage advocate Clint Eastwood, 2) the screenplay is written by Dustin Lance Black, who wrote the gay rights movie, “Milk” (read my review),  3) it’s long, boring, and I struggled to stay awake, and 4) there is absolutely no plot.





The movie is supposed to be the life story of J. Edgar Hoover (Leonardo DiCrapio DiCaprio), who essentially founded the FBI and built it into what it became. Instead, it’s a dark, confusing sophistry about something–actually many things, including the immigration system (Dirty Harry doesn’t think we should strip dangerous, lying naturalized citizens of their citizenship and deport them), the Cold War (Dirty Harry believes J. Edgar was far too zealous in weeding out the Reds at a time when they’d infested our country, and gay rights). Clint Eastwood doesn’t outright say Hoover has a gay relationship with his FBI Assistant Director, Clyde Tolson (played by Armand Hammer heir, Armie Hammer). But he basically says it outright, showing the two of them holding hands more than once, a kiss between them, a lover’s quarrel when Hoover talks about marrying a woman, and scenes of Hoover eating breakfast at Tolson’s house while Tolson’s in his bathrobe. We get it, Dirty Harry, you think he was gay, despite no evidence that any of the above happened. I get tired of watching Clint Eastwood repent to the Hollywood left for once having played Dirty Harry.



When I wasn’t struggling not to fall asleep, I laughed at silly dialogue, such as when Hoover asks aloud, “Why do I kill everything I love?” Puh-leeze. Is this J. Edgar Hoover’s story or the defunct “All My Children?” Does anyone really believe J. Edgar Hoover would ever ask, “Why do I kill everything I love?” It’s ridiculous.



Then there was the conversation in which J. Edgar’s mother tells him that she doesn’t want her son to be a “daffy,” her word for gay. Did this conversation ever happen? There’s no record of it. It’s just made up. The same goes for the silly part in which they show Hoover putting on his mother’s dress and necklace after she dies. The movie’s producers assured retired FBI agents and Hoover’s foundation that they didn’t believe the cross-dressing allegations. Guess what? They lied, ‘cuz it’s in the movie, presented as fact.



I’m not sure what the point of the movie was, other than to show J. Edgar Hoover as an overgrown child and a closet gay . . . and bore us to tears in the process. The movie is well over two hours, without much to say. The most interesting part of Hoover’s life–how he persecuted Special Agent Melvin Purvis, for daring to bask in publicity for shooting John Dillinger, is skimmed over as if it were a mere footnote. Aside from that, the constant flashbacks and flashforwards are confusing and annoying.



If you want to learn about J. Edgar Hoover and the FBI, this isn’t where you’ll fin it.



FOUR MARXES PLUS A BIN LADEN




* “Immortals“: This slow, uber-boring movie is “300″ light–extra-virgin super-light. It’s another flick you see when you need a $10 cure for insomnia. And it’s very bloody and graphically violent. Do you enjoy watching a guy get a giant hammer plopped onto his penis? Me, neither. The movie is utterly pointless and completely skipworthy. That people applauded at the end of the movie at the screening I attended, shows that far too many Americans are easily entertained and placated morons. And as I always say, there’s no accounting for good taste in America.



Theseus is a Greek mortal chosen by Zeus to command the fight of his fellow Greek mortals against the ruthless, violent, heathen King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke). He enlists the help of a virgin oracle (Freida pro-Palestinian Pinto), whose only purpose in the movie is, it seems, to give up her virginity to Theseus in a sex scene, because she’s tired of the visions. Puh-leeze. I laughed at her silly gobbledygook language that sounded like the language Anne Heche made up when she told Barbara Walters that aliens kidnapped her.



Theseus searches for and finds a magical bow with extraterrestrial arrows that have perfect aim. We also see Zeus and the other Greek gods intervening from time to time, not that I cared. The gods should have stayed home, and you should, too. Yaaaaawn. I’m tired just writing about this tripe.



FOUR MARXES PLUS FOUR SLEEPING PILLS




* “Like Crazy“: This story about how a student visa violation ruined a budding relationship between American and British college students (Anton Yelchin and Felicity Jones) might have been interesting . . . if it wasn’t so filled with propaganda and BS about the immigration system in America.



If only the various sub-agencies in the Department of Homeland Security kept such a close eye on student visa holders and violators as they do in this movie. Sadly, they don’t. I wish it were nearly as strict as portrayed in this movie. And if only all student visa violators in America were semi-cute, manipulative British college students who love living in America and overstay just for the base desire to have sex with their American boyfriends. Reality check: many of the student visa violators are named Ahmed and Khalid, and while they love having sex with prostitutes and strippers at “The Pink Pony,” that’s not the real reason they overstay those visas. It’s far more sinister. I really wish we tracked student visa overstays like they do in this movie, but then-Michigan Republican U.S. Senator Spencer Abraham starved the computer tracking system of all funding at the instruction of his fellow Arabs at the Arab American Institute.



Other than that, the movie begins as interesting, but becomes annoying, manipulative, and tiresome. Anyone who truly believes the open borders and uber-lax immigration system of America is the reason a relationship fizzles, isn’t just “Like Crazy.” They are, indeed, crazy. And stupid and gullible, too.



FOUR MARXES PLUS A BIN LADEN





* “Martha Marcy May Marlene“: There is no plot or point in this movie about a girl (played by the Olsen Twins’ real-life younger sister, Elizabeth Olsen), who escapes from a cult to live in her successful Yuppie sister’s and brother-in-law’s swanky summer rental in upstate New York. The cult is some weird group of people who farm and all have sex with each other, including the manipulative cult leader, who takes the girls’ virginity. Oh, and they also break into rich people’s homes, steal from them, and then murder them. The escaped sister acts abnormally because of her time in the cult, including going into the bed where her sister and brother-in-law are having sex. Ick. The end. The moral of the story: don’t join a cult. Gee, Hollywood, thanks for the tip.



A very weird movie that operated like a time bandit: it stole two hours from me I’ll never get back.



FOUR MARXES PLUS A BIN LADEN