Wknd Box Office: Five-Year Engagement, Safe, The Raven

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!

Wknd Box Office: Five-Year Engagement, Safe, The Raven


By Debbie Schlussel



Ironically, of the new movies debuting in theaters this weekend, the one I liked best was not screened for Detroit-area critics. And then there is the girlie-man movie, about the guy who checked his testicles at the door.















* “The Five-Year Engagement“: This movie is delusional feminist fantasy . . . or used to be. Sadly, there are more and more “men” who have assumed the role of Jason Segel in this sick “romantic comedy,” checking their testicles at the door permanently. Segel plays an up-and-coming chef in San Francisco who gives up his career to move with his fiancee to Ann Arbor, Michigan, so she can pursue graduate school and a career in psychology. Oh, and the reason this movie takes place in Ann Arbor is that the taxpayers of Michigan financed this crap with millions of dollars in tax-credits and rebates through the Michigan Film Tax Credit. The movie is disgusting and vile and the “humor” groanworthy in this Eleanor Smeal/Betty Friedan/Gloria Steinem wet dream.











While initially Segel agrees to forgo his career for two years, two turns into five and so on and so forth. And his fiancee, played by the much overrated Emily Blunt (whose weird overbite is much on display–far too much on display–in this movie), is incredibly selfish, as is the case with virtually all women who make their love interests give up their dreams for the women’s dreams. Segel’s character assumes the role of the chick. He does the housekeeping, cleaning, cooking, and eventually becomes the wedding planner. Blunt is the man in the relationship. And it’s scary.



Even more scary is that, after finally coming to his senses (after losing a toe and five years of his life), there is a “happy ending,” after which Segel takes her back and moves back to Ann Arbor for her and her career . . . again. For most guys, this would thankfully still not happen in real life. But, as I noted, more and more men are voluntarily surrendering their testicles to a life like this.



Segel twice shows us his butt in this movie, whereas he displayed his penis a few times in the equally execrable “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” (read my review), which was essentially the same movie, but with a nicer setting and much better looking women. He was the chick in that flick, too.



And then there’s the issue of the snooty left-wing grad student intellectual life, which the movie captures spot on. All of the grad students are annoying, weird, and pretentious, and they dream up completely stupid and obvious “studies” to get more government grants for their boss. Blunt dreams up a stale donut experiment in which she draws all kinds of derogatory conclusions about people who eat donuts that are a day old. Um, really? Most people would eat day old donuts, depending upon how hungry they are. And you cannot tell anything about anyone from that. Only a deceitful, snobby intellectual seeking a phony career and government grants does that. And in that alone, the movie was on target.



But that one accurate portrayal in no way made this dopey, predictable, girlie-man movie worth watching. And it was very slow and waaay tooo looong.



Perhaps the most annoying thing about this movie was the constant gratuitous insertion of Judaism because Segel’s character is Jewish (in name only). The parents and Segel–who have zero to do with Judaism (he loves pork and pigs) and are all for his intermarriage to a Gentile–are insistent upon an Orthodox rabbi and yarmulkes at the wedding. And then, in a completely stupid and inaccurate turn, Segel gets a Chassidic rabbi from the Lubavitch Chabad movement of Judaism to agree to marry him and the woman in a pork restaurant, like that would ever happen. Haha, funny! Do you get the humor? I don’t. Memo to Segel: Lubavitch Chassidim do not look like the rabbi in the movie, as they do not wear long sidecurls hanging from their faces (they tuck them behind their ears, instead). I remember when they were casting for this nauseating movie and sent out a casting call looking for Chassidic kids with long sidecurls to play Hackeysack, and I warned people I knew not to try out for this.



I was right. Not funny, not worth your time, and just plain disgusting. I guarantee you that men in the Muslim world are not giving up their careers and assuming the Mr. Mom position to help their women pursue their dreams.



FOUR MARXES PLUS A BIN LADEN PLUS FOUR BETTY FRIEDANS




* “Safe“: I’ll preface this review by noting that I like Jason Statham and most of his movies. If you feel the same way, you’ll like this, as I did. It’s not one of his best, but it’s still enjoyable and entertaining, if very violent. You know the drill: lots of action, fighting, car chases, and some blood. In this case, there’s a lot of blood. This wasn’t screened for critics in the Detroit-area, so I paid to see it at my local theater and was disgusted that parents brought their young kid to this movie, which is completely inappropriate for anyone under 17.



Statham plays a down-and-out-on-his-luck New York City cage fighter who makes the mistake of winning a fixed match and upsetting the Russian Mafia. They kill his wife and family, and he is now homeless. We soon learn that he was apparently a corrupt cop before all of this. He sees a young Chinese girl being chased by the Russian mobsters who killed his wife, and he takes an interest, trying to protect her. The Chinese girl is gifted at math and was seized by the Chinese Mafia to work for them in New York. Her brain is a way to keep track of business without the paper or digital trails, respectively, of books and computers. And her mind contains an important numerical code everyone wants. Soon, Statham is engaged in a war against the Russian and Chinese Mafias and corrupt cops he knows from the NYPD, all in an effort to protect the girl.



Like I said, it’s your typical Statham fare. And even though it’s quite violent and a good number of the stunts just aren’t believable, I still enjoyed it and liked it better than the other new movies this week. If you like mindless action films with a decent story and lots of shoot-outs and fights, this is for you. If that isn’t your thing, this isn’t either.



TWO REAGANS

* “The Raven“: John Cusack plays famous author and poet Edgar Allan Poe in this fictional murder mystery set in mid-19th Century Baltimore . When we see Poe, he is a drunk and broke after spending everything he made from “The Telltale Heart,” “The Raven,” and his other works. He’s a contributor to the local newspaper, begging his editor to run his work. And he’s in love with the beautiful daughter of a wealthy man who hates him.



Soon, murders happen all over town with one common denominator: they use the imagery of Poe’s work in their clues and the methods of killing. Poe is enlisted by the local police detective to help solve the murders and find the killer. But the woman he loves, the daughter of the wealthy man, is kidnapped by the killer, and Poe must save her before she’s murdered.



This was a little slow, especially in the first half and could have been tightened up and moved along. But it wasn’t bad (though it wasn’t great, either). It’s just that it’s extremely violent and bloody, complete with severed body parts and a man sliced in half by a blade on a pendulum. Those things weren’t necessary. But don’t send your kids to this. It’s rated “R” for a reason–several of them.



ONE-AND-A-HALF REAGANS

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!

Wknd Box Office: 21 Jump Street, Jeff Who Lives at Home

By Debbie Schlussel
No great shakes at the box office this weekend. Here’s what debuts today in theaters today:


* “21 Jump Street“: If you believe that a severed penis is funny, this is your movie. If you believe that a severed penis in a man’s mouth is even funnier, this is definitely your movie. For everyone else who actually has a sense of humor–and a sense of taste and decency to go along with it–skip this. It’s disgusting, vile, stupid, and repeats the same jokes and gags over and over. And here’s a hint that it sucked: the studio didn’t screen it for critics until Thursday Night, something they do to avoid bad reviews in newspapers. They didn’t have much faith in this product, and for good reason.
I hated the cheesy late ’80s TV series on which this is supposed to be based. At the time, I couldn’t watch more than ten minutes before I changed channels. This “remake” or, rather, warped “reboot” of that awful series isn’t better. It’s worse. And it has nothing to do with the original, except the gratuitous cameos by three of the originals, Johnny Depp, Holly Robinson Peete, and Peter DeLuise.




This is supposed to be a comedy, but it’s not funny. Just cringe- and groan-worthy. Jonah Hill stars in, wrote, and executive produced this movie. So, maybe it’s a hint that he should stick to acting. This makes his raunchy “Superbad” (read my review) look like highbrow fare.
Hill and Channing Tatum play cops who are misfits and failures. Tatum is dumb. And Hill is a coward and not physically able. When they fail to foil a motorcycle drug ring after forgetting the Miranda (Tatum) warning and being too lame to shoot at one of them, the two of them are kicked out of the regular police force and sent to “21 Jump Street,” an undercover police outfit that infiltrates high schools to take down crime rings. Oh, and it’s run by Ice Cube. Hey, isn’t he the rapper creep of “F–k Tha Police” fame? Yup. Now, despite that, he gets to play one in a crappy movie. Only in America.
While there were a very few funny lines, the movie was filthy and gross. The only good thing about it was that it mocked liberal, left-wing high school students. They were politically correct and environmentally conscious. And they were also running a drug ring.
Still, that tiny source of solace wasn’t enough to justify this piece of crap. But I’m not the target audience for this excrement. It’s aimed at 20-something guys and teen kids whose moronic parents are more sperm and womb/egg donors and want so badly to be their kids’ friends that they will allow them to see this. It’s rated “r” for many stark reasons.
A great Al-Qaeda recruitment video, the message of which is: see, I told you the West is comprised of a bunch of depraved idiots.
Just remember: everyone in and connected to this movie probably voted for Obama. And they’ll probably vote for him again in November.
FOUR MARXES PLUS A BIN LADEN

Watch the trailer . . .

* “Jeff, Who Lives at Home“: The movie centers on a 30-something unemployed, pot-smoking slacker, Jeff (Jason Segel), who lives in his mother’s (Susan “I am the One Percent Posing as the 99 Percent” Sarandon) basement and his irresponsible, married brother (Ed Helms). One day, Jeff keeps hearing and seeing the name, “Kevin,” and so he follows everything with that name. Ultimately, it turns out that this loser toker has a mission and is something of a hero. PUH-LEEZE. We see a million slacker loser guys just like this in our prolonged childhood society. None of them is on a “mission from G-d.” None is a hero. They are weights on society, pulling it down.
The last time I liked a lazy, pot-smoking toker at the movies, it was Jeff Spicoli (in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”). But you rooted for him because there was no pretense of some guy on a G-dly mission. The guys in this movie? Who cares.
Ditto for everyone else in the flick. Skip it.
TWO-AND-A-HALF MARXES

Watch the trailer . . .

Thanksgiving Box Office: Hugo, The Muppets, Arthur Christmas, Melancholia

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/  reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last week and  THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed!  This all  follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!





Thanksgiving Box Office: Hugo, The Muppets, Arthur Christmas, Melancholia

By Debbie Schlussel



Finally, some great movies at the box office. Three great movies and only one stinker. It figures that the “adult” movie by a Hitler-supporting Jew-hater is the only bomb in the bunch.




* “Hugo“: Finally a 3D movie that should be in 3D. Martin Scorsese directed this visually stunning and terrific story. You’ll love this, and it’s great for families. Kids will love it, but so will adults, as I did.  But you’ll  have to disregard that two of the co-stars are Sacha Baron Cohen and the actively anti-Israel, pro-Palestinian Ben Kingsley.



Set in 1930s Paris, Hugo is a young orphan who fixes the clocks at a train station. Unbeknownst to everyone, he lives alone in a hidden apartment inside the station’s clock tower. He and his father used to fix clocks, but his father was killed in a fire. Hugo and his father were trying to fix a mechanical robot, and Hugo continues to fix it, using parts he steals from the train station toy shop of an old man (Kingsley). Soon, though, he gets caught by the man and is forced to fix toys at the store, while he tries to get back his notebook about how to fix the mechanical robot, which the shopkeeper takes from him. But he meets the man’s granddaughter (Chloe Grace Moretz), and she and Hugo become fast friends, sneaking into movies and poring over books at a the train station’s used bookstore because of their shared love of reading classic books.





Hugo and the granddaughter try to figure out what the old man shopkeeper’s connection is to the mechanical toy robot and they soon make an incredible discovery about who this man, the grandfather, is and why he’s so sad.



A tremendous movie that moves slowly at first but is full of charm and magic. The style, color, sets, costumes, and everything else is simply terrific. The special effects and the colorful characters that populate the train station are rich, as is the story.



FOUR REAGANS



* “The Muppets“: I thought I’d hate this movie because 1) I never liked “The Muppet Show” as a kid, and 2) it’s written by and stars  Jason Segel, who is most well known for displaying his penis in multiple scenes on the big screen in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” (read my review).  But I was wrong. This movie is terrific, aside from a bad left-wing message against businessmen and oil drillers. It’s very funny, entertaining, and will be enjoyed by kids and adults. In fact, many of the jokes, which make fun of the ’80s, might be a little over kids’ heads. But they will love it. Great for families. And very cute. It is typical Hollywood anti-business, anti-”big oil” stuff, though, as the villain is an evil, rich businessman who wants to drill for oil on Muppets land. So, you have to explain to your kids to ignore that message. It’s sad you have to do that with a kids’ movie. The late Jim Henson, as far as I remember, did not have political messages in his Muppets movies. The movie also has several musical numbers.



Gary (Jason Segel) has a brother, Walter, who looks like a Muppet and never gets older and more mature, unlike the adult Gary, who has grown up. Walter desperately wants to fit in but is constantly made fun of. Soon, he discovers re-runs of the ’80s series, “The Muppet Show,” and loves it, feeling he can identify with the Muppets. Gary has been dating a teacher, Mary (the talented Amy Adams, who has a great singing voice), for ten years, and she wants to get married, but she is upset that Gary takes Walter everywhere. Gary and Mary take Walter on their trip to Los Angeles, where they tour the old, decrepit Muppets studio. While there, Walter overhears the two Muppet lawyers negotiating to sell the Muppets studio to an evil businessman (Chris Cooper) who pretends he will update the Muppets’ land for more tours. But he really wants to tear it down so he can drill for oil. Walter and Gary try to find Kermit through maps of the stars’ homes and plot to take back the Muppets studios with a telethon.



You’ll see all the old Muppets in this movie, a few new ones, and plenty of celebrity cameos, including (sadly) James Carville (why?). The movie has several musical numbers and is overall a great movie, sadly enmeshed with the left-wing messages I note above. Without that, it would have been a FOUR REAGAN movie.



THREE REAGANS




* “Arthur Christmas“: I very much enjoyed this cute, animated movie for kids. I could have done without the cheesy Justin Bieber music video at the beginning, though.



Arthur Christmas is the clumsy, misfit younger brother in Santa Claus’ family. His father is Santa, and his big brother is the high-tech guru who runs computerized operations at the North Pole,where every delivery of Christmas gifts is planned, timed to the second, and coordinated using the latest in technology and intelligence. But a Christmas present of one girl gets misplaced in the computerized commotion. While Santa is willing to forget about it because it’s too late to deliver the gift–and he’s tired–Arthur and his grandfather, Grandsanta (who is upset he’s been involuntary retired) set off into the night to deliver the gift, using an old-fashioned sleigh, rather than the high-tech spaceship sleigh Santa now uses. What could go wrong?



Charming, cute, fast-paced, and great for kids.



THREE REAGANS




* “Melancholia“: This extremely boring, way too long, uber-pretentious piece of crap was directed by Hitler fan, and Jew-hating, anti-Israel fanatic Lars Von Trier.  It figures that a Nazi would make something beautifully and neatly shot with nothing else to offer.  There is barely a story and definitely no plot.  It’s stupid.  And I couldn’t wait for it to be over.  I also struggled to stay awake.  Starring the always dull, highly overrated pothead Kirsten Dunst, the movie begins with Dunst as a new bride in the limo on the way to her disastrous wedding reception at her sister and wealthy brother-in-law’s (Kiefer Sutherland) countryside mansion estate. They are two hours late, and when they get there, the depressed Dunst is constantly sullen and frequently disappears from the event. She finally realizes she doesn’t want to be married to the guy she just married and has random sex on the lawn with some guy from the reception. Then, the earth is about to be destroyed because a planet, Melancholia, is coming closer and closer to colliding with the earth. I’m not sure what else happens other than Dunst pouting and yelling at others, horses roaming, Dunst posing nude, and people shown sitting and looking.



A complete waste of time by a Nazi. Yay. You’ll be beyond melancholy that you wasted at least ten bucks and more than two hours on this high brow crap. Complete garbage.



FOUR MARXES PLUS