By
Debbie
Schlussel
Can’t really recommend any of the
new
movies in theaters today. The only one even halfway decent is
“Maleficent,” but see my many caveats in my review.


* “
A Million Ways to Die in the West“: Before I start
this review, I want to apologize to all of my Christian friends and readers on
behalf of all of the Jewish people. My apology is for the very existence of an
embarrassing disease known as Sarah Silverman, a va-JINO (my name for female
Jews In Name Only) who mocks Christians and Christianity repeatedly in this
awful, unfunny piece of crap parading as a movie. On the other hand, the movie
was written, directed, and produced by Seth MacFarlane, an atheist of Scottish,
Irish, and English descent, who also stars in it. He is responsible for this
garbage that I’m sure will, sadly, do very well in theaters, and somebody else
can do the apologies for him.
I didn’t like the excessive raunch in MacFarlane’s
“Ted” (read my review), but at least that movie was
very funny. This one wasn’t at all and makes “Ted” look like a masterpiece in
comparison. Just gross. A guy defecating into two cowboy hats and an up close
shot of the dung–that’s funny? A woman sucking and licking on a guy’s rounded
mustache as foreplay–funny? No.
Eeuuww–ding, ding, ding. And that was the case with pretty much every
joke in this movie: sickening sophomoric stuff focusing on bathroom humor and
bodily fluids from sex acts. I’m no prude, but you don’t need to be one to find
this movie utterly disgusting and cringe-inducing. The only funny thing in this
movie (and it was only very mildly funny) was a very brief tribute to “Back to
the Future” (hint: Christopher Lloyd and a DeLorean make an appearance). The
rest is just dumb. Oh, and by the way, using S- and F-words every other second
doesn’t make you funny. Just weak.
I love the old West. If I had to choose a time in American history to live in
other than today, I’d pick that time period. With Manifest Destiny and the
settling of lands untouched previously by Western civilization, it was an
exciting, industrious, and important time for America. And a time when cowboys
and American masculinity was nurtured and thrived. My love for the old West runs
in the family, as my cousin, Lillian Schlissel, wrote “
Women’s
Diaries of the Westward Journey
.” But this movie, which is supposed to be a parody of
Western movies . . . or something, is just a frat boy movie with modern day
dialogue and sleaze wrapped up in Western
window dressing, costumes, and accoutrements (a word that
probably 99.999% of the people who pay to see this movie and mindlessly rave
over it have never heard–and yes, snobbery is vastly underrated here).
The “story”: MacFarlane plays a sheep farmer who is a loser. He owes people
money, he can’t round up his sheep, he lives with his bitter, old
parents, and his girlfriend (Amanda
Seyfried–who sucks the
mustache of Neil Patrick
Harris, as I noted above) has just dumped him. To
win her back, he challenges her new boyfriend, Harris, to a
gun duel. But, as with everything else, he’s inept and can’t shoot. So he learns
how to shoot from the mysterious new woman who’s come to town, Charlize Theron.
Theron is secretly married to the meanest criminal in the West (Liam Neeson),
who robs and kills people and will soon be in town to meet up with her. While
MacFarlane is learning to shoot, he falls for Theron.
MacFarlane’s closest friends are religious Christians, played by Giovanni
Ribisi and Sarah Silverman. Silverman is a prostitute who works in the town
brothel and repeatedly engages in all kinds of sex acts with the patrons. But
each time Ribisi asks here if she will have sex with him, she repeatedly
responds, “No, we’re Christians. We have to wait until we’re married.” And
there’s a scene mocking the town pastor, his church, and its congregants as
total morons. Um, when will Seth MacFarlane make a
comedy movie about a devout Muslim prostitute in a hijab who
has ejaculate on her face and has bad breath from performing oral sex, like the
“Christian” one in this movie? Or a movie that mocks a mosque? Won’t happen.
What also shouldn’t happen is your payment of ten dollars and waste of two
hours of your time on this trash.
Skip it. This is a national taste test. If you like it, you don’t have any.
FOUR MARXES PLUS FOUR OBAMAS PLUS FOUR BIN LADENS












* “
Maleficent“: The first thing you need to know about
this movie is that it stars and is executive produced by Angelina Jolie, the
pan-Arabist cretinette who praised Palestinian kids for singing
about their desire for terrorism against the Jewish people to get
Jerusalem.
And while the special effects in this movie–based on the “Sleeping Beauty”
fairy tale–were fabulous, the acting was good, and the story was suspenseful and
entertaining enough (if slow-moving), the movie is too violent and scary for
kids at whom it’s being heavily marketed. And it has the wrong messages,
glorifying an evil-doer (blurring the line between what is evil and what is
good) and portraying men as evil and violent, just plain dolts, or both. And the
movie is basically an entire anti-male revenge fantasy for scorned women with no
boundaries. If I had young kids, I doubt I’d take them to a movie in which the
main character, a fairy, is essentially given a “ruphie” and dismembered. Would
you?
The story: a young fairy, Maleficent,
helps protect the land of the Moors from the evil mortals in
the nearby kingdom. One day, she meets a poor mortal orphan boy who has
trespassed into the Moors. She tells him to leave, but soon they become friends,
and ultimately lovers. However, the boy, who is now a man, has more
materialistic, mortal ambitions and soon abandons her for his desire to become
king. Time and again, the current king keeps trying to enter the Moors and
defeat the fairies so he can have this magical land for himself. Each time, he’s
defeated by Maleficent who can fly and cast spells. From his sick bed, the king
tells his subjects that he will appoint to be the next king the man who kills
Maleficent. The man who once maybe loved Maleficent goes to see her and warns
her the king has put a bounty on her head. But he also gives her a bottle to
drink from, and she falls into a deep sleep. He gets out a sword and
plans to plunge it into her, but
decides to dismember her wings that grow out of her back. When she awakens with
no wings, she repeatedly screams a primordial scream. It’s very melodramatic for
kids.
This is where the movie becomes extremely dark, and Maleficent–a woman
scorned and betrayed (and also the
protagonist of this movie)–wants to get revenge on the king,
the man who was once her boyfriend and who has mutilated her body. So she visits
the castle and casts a spell on the king’s daughter, saying that on her 16th
birthday, the princess will prick her finger on the needle of a spinning wheel,
and she will fall into a deep, everlasting sleep until and unless she is kissed
by her true love.
Maleficent watches as the king–to avoid the spell taking place–sends his baby
daughter to seclusion to be raised by pixie fairies until the day after he 16th
birthday. But Maleficent sees where the princess is and–with
the help of a crow she has transformed back and
forth to and from a human–she watches over the princess. Soon, she takes a
liking to the innocent girl and comes to protect her, as the pixies are
incompetent. She also comes to love her and tries to reverse the spell on the
princess, now a teen girl (Elle Fanning).
No need to tell you all of the rest, except to say that throughout the movie,
the viewers are manipulated into taking the side of the evil Maleficent, as the
movie justifies her revenge against the evil man who wronged her, and later as
she “seeks redemption” by trying to protect the princess, then trying to reverse
the spell, and, finally, kissing her. You see, in this warped movie, the
princess’ true love isn’t a male. It’s Maleficent. Huh? I mean, is lesbian
pedophilia what they were going for here? Don’t count that out. The young prince
of the traditional fairy tale is, in this version, a clumsy dope.
Whatever happened to stark good and evil characters of the Disney I grew up
with? The Disney that didn’t bash men or traditional values and roles? That
Disney is long dead and buried along with its namesake, apparently. And along
with the stark good versus evil we once knew in the world. Today’s America, like
this movie, says the evil are good and the good are evil. That the men are
idiots and jerks. And the women are the strong and morally straight, even when
they are the villains.
And while you say, “it’s only a movie,” sadly in the America of now, life
imitates art.
TWO BETTY FRIEDANS PLUS TWO ANNOYING SHERYL SANDBERG LEAN-INS PLUS A
MICHELLE LAVAUGHN ROBINSON HUSSEIN OBAMA IDI AMIN DADA





* “
The Immigrant“: Should be called, “Dear Jews, We Hate
You, Love, Hollywood” or “Jewish Men Are Sleazy Pimps Who Force Innocent Virgin
Polish Catholic Immigrants Into Prostitution & Ruin Their Lives.” That’s
essentially the plot of this absolutely horrible, depressing, openly
anti-Semitic movie lauded by critics and starring 9/11 Truther Marion Cotillard
as the Polish chick.
Cotillard is Ewa (pronounced, “Ava”), an immigrant from Poland who has just
arrived at Ellis Island with her sister in the early 1900s. They wait in line to
be interviewed by an immigration inspector. But Ewa’s sister is sick and they
send her to an infirmary, from which she can only be bailed out with a lot of
bribe money Ewa doesn’t have. Then, the immigration inspector says Ewa cannot be
admitted into the country because she exhibited that she was “a woman of loose
morals” on the ship over to America. Actually, a sleazy pimp–posing as a kind
Samaritan–has bribed the inspectors to deny her entry, so that he can “save the
day.” The man, Bruno Weiss, tells Ewa he can help her if she comes with him. It
is the beginning of his scam to con her and then force her into prostitution to
pay him back and bail her sick sister out of the Ellis Island infirmary.
In case the viewer isn’t immediately aware that this purely evil pimp, Bruno
Weiss, is Jewish (and he is played by apparently self-hating Jewish actor,
Joaquin Phoenix), the people who made this movie hit you over the head with it.
Bruno lives on New York’s Lower East Side and tells Ewa that he speaks Yiddish
and Hebrew. Later on in the movie, the immigration inspectors he paid off and
some other cops call him, “you dumb kike.”
Throughout this miserable ordeal, Ewa remains the prostitute with a heart of
gold, and she goes to church to confess her sins to the Catholic priest, despite
all of those who betrayed her. The only person who tries to rescue her is Emil
(Jeremy Renner), Bruno’s wandering cousin who performs as “Orlando the
Magician.” But that ends tragically.
I suffered through this fictional, Jew-hating movie wondering when there will
be a flick about a Muslim pimp who forces a Jew or Christian into prostitution
(that goes on every day in America, where, as I’ve detailed, devout Muslims in
several sex slavery rings forced Christian women they kidnapped to perform sex
acts for money). Of course I know the answer: never. It simply wouldn’t be
tolerated. I was tremendously disgusted, but not the least bit surprised that
among
the names among the top producers of this movie were
surnames like Levin, Shapiro, and Blavatnik. Yes, Jews can be anti-Semites
against their fellow co-religionists, and that certainly includes Paul A. Levin,
Greg Shapiro, and Len Blavatnik who made this modern-day celluloid Mein Kampf.
Oh, and don’t forget the top Jewish self-haters here, the Weinstein brothers,
Harvey and
Bob Weinstein, whose studio, The Weinstein Company, put the movie
out.
I see movies like this–in which the villains are markedly Jewish–more and
more. And, usually, they have many Jewish names attached to them. Goebbels’
ghost is having the last laugh.
FOUR HITLERS PLUS FOUR BIN LADENS PLUS FOUR ARAFATS












* “
Palo Alto“: I was once a fan of James Franco. What
the heck was I thinking? This absolutely disgusting, pointless, horrible movie,
parading as high-brow, coming-of-age teen angst cinema, is warped, and it’s
based on the short stories he wrote (he also stars in this).
Only someone very sick in the head would dream up some of the disgusting
dialogue and scenes. The movie is disturbing, and yet, predictably, mainstream
media movie critics (all of them liberals) are raving over this slow, boring,
time-wasting garbage. The movie is littered with relatives of Hollywood
notables, including Julia Roberts’ niece and Eric Roberts’ daughter, Emma
Roberts, and Val Kilmer’s son, Jack Kilmer, and it is directed by yet another
Coppola, Gia Coppola (Frances Ford’s granddaughter, who also wrote the script),
showing once again that what gets made and who gets cast in Hollywood is all
about who you know (or to whom you are related), not talent. (The bloated
balloon who used to be Val Kilmer also has a small role in this crappy
film.)
The story (if you can call it that): several teens in high school smoke, do
drugs, engage in various wanton sex acts with each other, and are all-around
empty creeps. There are no real adults anywhere in this movie who exercise any
discretion or parenting whatsoever, and they are barely around. One dad, though,
offers his son’s friend pot and then tries to come on to the male friend. Emma
Roberts is a babysitter for her high school soccer coach (Franco), who is also a
teacher at the school. Soon, they begin having sex, but she finds out he’s also
having sex with another female soccer player/babysitter from her high school.
Jack Kilmer is a screw up who constantly drinks and gets high. He crashes into
another car while drunk driving after he leaves a party in which the class slut
has just given him oral sex. He repeatedly gets in trouble, but keeps getting
breaks in the justice system. He also hangs out with a really bad kid who is
crazy and repeatedly has sex with the same girl who gave oral sex to Jack
Kilmer. And he draws penises on pictures in books in a children’s library. Then
he deliberately drives his car the wrong way into oncoming traffic on the
freeway. The end.
Yup, this is the dung-on-film I see more and more of coming out of Hollywood
these days. And you wonder why America is sinking. Like I said before, life
imitates art . . . and garbage posing to be art.
FOUR MARXES PLUS FOUR OBAMAS PLUS FOUR BIN LADENS












