Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post about some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to choosing good movies to watch yourself!



 

Wknd Box Office: Chappie, Unfinished Business, Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

By Debbie Schlussel
Spring may be near, but it’s yet another crappy weekend at the box office, as I wasn’t much enthused about any of the new offerings in theaters, today.


* “Chappie“: This is the relative best of the new movies this weekend, with the emphasis on the word, “relative,” as I wouldn’t pay ten bucks-plus to see this. And, in the end, the movie tends to glorify two thugs merely because they aren’t as thugly as other thugs. I questioned, also, why a movie that takes place in South Africa contains mostly white crime lords and gangstas, when we know that in South Africa, they are mostly Black. Um, hello . . . .? On the other hand, that’s no surprise, since this movie is written and directed by Neill Blomkamp, who was also behind “District 9″ (read my review), and is obsessed with the race agenda–ie., that Whites are racist, but Blacks aren’t.
The story: in South Africa, crime is now so bad, that instead of sending police to fight the mostly White criminal gangs, robot police are sent out. They are tough, indestructible, and owned and operated by an American company run by Susan “Sigourney” Weaver. The robots’ inventor, Dev Patel, wants to take a damaged robot and convert him into a humanitarian who writes poetry. When his boss, Weaver, forbids this, Patel sneaks the robot out of the company premises. But both he and the robot are kidnapped by criminal thugs who owe $20 million to a crime lord. They want to use the robot to rob banks and steal cars and eventually train and trick the robot into doing that. (Two of these lesser thugs are played by a real-life South African husband and wife White rap duo, Yo-Landi Visser and Ninja, who call themselves, “Die Antwoord.”) Meanwhile, a company rival of Patel, Hugh Jackman (in the world’s ugliest mullet), wants his new “Moose” robots to stop crime instead of Patel’s smaller police robots, so he disables the programs of the police robots, starts chaos on the streets, and causes a lot of problems, including mass destruction. There is also the concept of human consciousness being transferred out of humans and into robots and computers (which we’ve seen in other recent movies, such as “Lucy”–read my review–and “Transcendence”–read my review).
The funniest part of this movie is when the thugs train the robot to act “all gangsta” in the way he walks and talks. But the most interesting and frightening part of the movie is that thugs could actually train indestructible robots to commit crimes against humans. That may be coming in our future as robots are more and more developed and technology advances. But it wasn’t worth watching this movie to raise that point in our consciousness.
HALF A REAGAN

Watch the trailer . . .

* “Unfinished Business“: Don’t let the trailer fool you on this one. It isn’t funny, just absolutely awful and gratuitously crude. This is stark Gitmo torture material. A bathroom full of penises sticking through “glory holes” at a gay bar–this is funny how? Men “shaking hands” with those penises–that’s funny? Ugh. This movie is utter garbage, extremely dumb, and long, slow, and boring despite being just 1.5 hours. I kept looking at my watch, with my mind begging for this to end already. It seems the whole purpose of this movie was to show multiple scenes of penises and womens’ naked breasts.
The “story”: a businessman (Vince Vaughn) quits his sales job after being denied a raise. He decides to start his own company competing with his former employer. He hires an incredibly stupid job applicant (Dave Franco) and a former colleague who was forced to retire. They desperately compete for a contract selling “swarf,” metal filings left over from finished industrial jobs. But they are repeatedly led on a wild goose chase by employees of the company set to buy from them. And they are competing for the deal against Vaughn’s former boss and company. They fly all over the world and go through all kinds of ridiculous, unfunny situations to get the deal done. In the meantime, Vaughn’s kids are being bullied and he communicates with them and his wife on FaceTime.
I hate-hate-hated this movie, and it’s–hands down–the worst movie I’ve seen in months (though maybe only slightly worse than “The Wedding Ringer”–read my review–and “Hot Tub Time Machine 2″–ready my review), despite the stiff competition for that title. Skip at all cost.
FOUR MARXES PLUS FOUR ISIS BEHEADINGS

Watch the trailer . . .

* “The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel“: I’m not sure why a sequel to “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” (read my review) needed to be made. The first one wasn’t that good. In fact, it was a cheesy senior citizen’s version of “The Love Boat,” taking place at a rundown hotel in India. This is the same thing for the second time, but even less charming and with the addition of Richard Gere. At age 65, he’s transitioning into “American Gigolo–AARP Edition.” Amidst the stories of senior citizens, there is a story about the hotel’s 30-something (or 20-something?) proprietor, Dev Patel, his upcoming marriage, his competition with a rival, and his seeking to expand his “hotel empire” with a outside investors who’ve sent a secret inspector. Or something.
This long, slow, boring movie is an insult to senior citizens, at whom it’s aimed. And the disjointed stories are long, boring, uninteresting, and not tightly written. There is no suspense, and nothing to care about. It’s just an empty waste of time. Oh, and did I mention that this is the Feel-Good Senior Citizen Suicide Movie of the Year? One of the characters commits suicide at the end, for no apparent reason. Like I said, this isn’t well-written at all. They don’t explain things, and I just didn’t care, even if they had. This is a snoozer.
The ending, in which Richard Gere and the other senior citizens are dancing in a “Bollywood”-style routine at a wedding, is just absolutely comical, cheesy, and ridiculous.
Skipworthy.
ONE MARX

Watch the trailer . . .

Wknd Box Office: Dark Shadows, Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, Giant Mechanical Man, Damsels in Distress

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!




Wknd Box Office: Dark Shadows, Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, Giant Mechanical Man, Damsels in Distress

By Debbie Schlussel



The new movie I liked best this weekend is the one that had the smallest budget, but a lot of class and charm, which I cannot say for any of the others.


* “Dark Shadows“: I didn’t hate this movie based on a late ’60s/early ’70s TV soap opera, as at least one commenter predicted I would. But, while I looked forward to seeing it, it didn’t quite live up to my expectations. On the other hand, it is chock full of camp, style, and kookiness, and parody. Too chock full of those things. . . to the point that it feels like a stuffed turducken with too many other animals crammed in along with it. The movie was waaaay tooo loooong, and it just became silly and boring at a point. It seems that everything–including the kitchen sink–is thrown in, including an appearance and performances by Alice Cooper. I like campy, unusual stuff, but I”m not sure I’d pay $10 to see it, as it’s neither a great nor tight movie. And I’m not quite sure what the plot actually was. It seemed like everything happened and yet nothing really happened to move things along. And at times, it was a comedy, other times a thriller, and other times something else. It’s sort of just weird. It wasn’t horrible. It was okay.



I saw it after the screening of a far superior small-budget, independent film, so perhaps I was spoiled for it. I was also disappointed that–with all the violence, gore, and a kinky sex scene between a vampire and a witch–it was only rate PG-13, instead of the R that it richly deserved. The movie has some funny lines, and it’s worth seeing (if you are a woman or gay) for the fashion, colors, and set design. It’s not really aimed at men, though some may enjoy it if they must be dragged to the movies by a wife or girlfriend and choose something other than “The Avengers.”



The story: the Collinses, an immigrant English family settles into a seaside community in Maine and becomes wealthy after building a fishing and cannery business in America’s early years. But a servant (Eva Green) who is in love with the family’s son, Barnabas (Johnny Depp), is upset that he spurned her love, and as she is secretly a witch, she kills his parents and turns him into a vampire. Then, she tells the town he is a vampire, and they bury him in a chained coffin. Flash forward to the early 1970s, when construction workers accidentally free vampire Barnabas, who returns to his ancestral home to find his descendants, including Michelle Pfeiffer, in what has become a dowdy unkempt mansion.



Barnabas helps the family return to their former wealth, but his real goal is to destroy the witch, who made him a vampire and destroyed his life. She’s now the fishing and canning magnate in town and has put the family’s rival business out of business. But not for long. Also in the mix is a mysterious young woman who answers an ad to become a nanny for a young Collins boy. What is her connection to the woman Barnabas loved in the past and who was sent to jump off a cliff by the evil witch?



The movie is mildly entertaining, but should have been tightened up and shortened. At this point, it’s unwieldy and overstuffed, but not like a good comfortable chair. More like a 30-course meal, when all you wanted was a tasty snack.



ONE REAGAN
* “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel“: This is “The Love Boat” for old people with British accents, set in India. And just as annoying and cheesy. Senior citizens are not the typical movie demographic, and Hollywood largely shuns them. This movie–which was a hit in Great Britain–attempts to fill that void. It’s a shame, though, because it’s low-brow with a high-brow set of accents and actors to put lipstick on the pig. Seniors deserve better, as do we all. And it’s predictable and vulgar. There is one character who declares he is gay and goes to see the man he had sex with as a kid in India and whose life he believed he ruined after the two of them were discovered by their families when they woke up. And there is a lecherous old man seeking to find women to sleep with. Ditto for some of the women, too.



The story: a bunch of England pensioners (that’s the British “high brow” term for retirees) have no future in England and are seeking a new life for the rest of their lives. Each sees an online ad to live cheaply at the luxurious “Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” in India. So, there they go, finding a dump that doesn’t look like what was advertised. Instead of “The Love Boat’s” Captain Stubing, there is a young Indian man (Dev Patel), who seeks to make a success of what is a rundown hotel once operated by a relative and now owned by himself and his brothers. He longs to be a success and is fighting off his mother’s desire to have him return home to Delhi and enter an arranged marriage. Instead, Patel loves a woman who looks like a double for his real-life girlfriend and “Slumdog Millionaire” co-star, Freida Pinto.



As for the English guests, one is a widow, another never married. There is a couple who lost their life savings by investing in their daughter’s internet company. And there is an old woman in a wheelchair who needs a hip replacement (or something like that). And the randy old guy plus the gay guy seeking forgiveness from his childhood lover. Yup, I know–it sounds dreadful. And it is. We are shown each of their stories and how those interweave, just like a bad episode (were there any other kind?) of “The Love Boat.” And all is neatly resolved at the end, minus Gopher and Isaac, etc.



Long, slow, and boring. But if you’re old, I guess they figure you’ll be down with that. Sad. I don’t think anyone wants to see old people–or people of any age–in these weird sexual situations and stories. Even old people. Oh, and this should have been rated R, too. But it was PG-13, as well. Not that anyone under 50 will want to see it. No one over 50 should either.



One other thing: the movie is produced by our anti-Semitic, anti-Israel, apartheid friends in the government of Dubai. Yup, ImageNation Dubai made this awful piece o’ crap. I wonder how the gay thing goes over. But, hey, as long as they are promoting the gay stuff to non-Muslims, what do they care? But Muslims would never ever be hypocrites, right? If you go see it, you are putting money in the pockets of those who boycott Israel and all Jews with an Israeli stamp in their passport. And money in the pockets of those who welcome HAMAS/Iran arms dealers to stay in their hotels. Skip it.



TWO MARXES


* “The Giant Mechanical Man“: This is one of the only Michigan Film Tax Credit boondoggle projects I actually liked (and if it couldn’t be made without being subsidized by Michigan taxpayers, it should not have been made). It’s cute, classy, and funny. It’s a chick flick/romantic comedy worth seeing, even though it’s gotten little press. It hits all of the notes just right, rarely done in these kinds of movies. And a plus: it mocks phony, New Age motivational speakers and advice providers.



Jenna Fischer (TV’s “The Office) plays a woman without direction who is struggling to survive economically. She works as a temp but gets fired by the temp agency and cannot make her rent. She has no choice but to move in with her yuppie sister (Malin Akerman) and her sister’s dentist husband, who try to set her up with their friend, a pretentious (is there any other kind?) motivational speaker and author (Topher Grace). At the same time, Chris Messina is a misunderstood mime with a street performer act. He dons silver make-up, a giant silver suit and hat, and stilts and performs outside in the winter downtown (the movie was filmed in Detroit, but isn’t set in any particular city). He has a fed-up shallow and materialistic girlfriend who seeks money and status and dumps him. But he’s a guy with class. He chastises two men who are engaged in filthy talk in front of a bartender at his girlfriend’s work party (just before the dumping). Soon Messina and Fischer end up more and more in each others’ lives and they are introduced when they both take jobs beneath them at the local zoo, in order to get by. And they fall for each other.



I’ve probably undersold the movie with my description, as it’s a lot better than it sounds . And funnier. It’s a short, entertaining, enjoyable movie filled with charm and humor. Both lead actors are terrific. And it speaks to the place in which a lot of people find themselves at one point of their lives or another. It’s a shame it’s only getting limited release and mostly in arthouse theaters. When it comes out on DVD, this will make a fun rental.



THREE REAGANS
* “Damsels in Distress“: This is one of those weird, pretentious arthouse movies that is just plain silly and boring, but pretends to be smart and high-brow. Don’t believe the hype. What was under two hours seemed like seven. At first, this seems like it will be a funny parody of college life and “well-intentioned” girls who seek to free their campus from its previous tradition of male domination and from its current state of depression and suicidal tendencies. There are some funny lines. But it degrades into stupid anti-male sexism without a point. And it quickly becomes clear that the movie is going nowhere at five miles an hour. It’s just too ridiculous and dumb to be put into words. Don’t waste your time. “Damsels” is an elitist time bandit. Pretending to be something classy and worthwhile, it’ll steal two hours of your life you’ll never get back. And ten bucks better spent on coffee.



FOUR MARXES