Wknd Box Office: Fifty Shades of Grey, Kingsman: The Secret Service
By Debbie
Schlussel
I can only recommend one of the two new movies in theaters, this weekend. Hint: it’s not the one glamorizing sex slavery and physical abuse of women. Many readers have asked where my movie reviews from last weekend are. I had many issues with this website last week. The site ate my reviews and I had to start over, and by the time I did, it was time for the Jewish Sabbath. So I’ll try to post those later today. Stay tuned. In the meantime, there are these new ones:
* “Fifty Shades of Grey“: It’s hard to take seriously the NFL’s claimed opposition to domestic abuse against women, especially since the League approved ads which ran during the Super Bowl promoting this lame, boring two-hour excuse for promotion of sex slavery and domestic violence. This painful-to-watch movie pimped women on this idea for two hours: ugly, mousy women can nab billionaires and live the good life . . . if they only submit to being hit, handcuffed, tortured, and treated like animals. Hey, it worked for Melanie Griffith’s and Don Johnson’s unattractive daughter, Dakota Johnson, who plays Anastasia Steele, the naive idiot who stars in this movie and accepts being tortured. Heck, she’s “empowering” herself by negotiating what objects she agrees can and will be inserted into and clamped on to her. Yay, Grrrlpower! My favorite line amidst the equally dumb dialogue throughout: “Um, what’s a butt plug?” Yup, welcome to American “culture” in the Kartrashian Age.
This movie is creepy, boring, degrading, and just plain awful. Fifty Shades of Incredibly Stupid. The “acting” is hilarious, but the lines in the movie are even more so. Every ghost of dead starving artist writers consigned to penning anonymous Harlequin Romances in the ’70s is turning over in her grave. They all missed their time in the sun and chance at earning $100 million, the reported haul of fat chick middle-aged writer E.L. James, who wrote the silly “novels” on which this movie is based. Oh, and did I mention that this is just the first of three Fifty Shades movies? Suffer three times as much over several years.
Last week, I asked if you think this movie will outsell “American Sniper” in the long run? To the naysayers, I think you overestimate the taste of American women. As I noted, all three of the Fifty Shades “books” dominate the list of the top 10 best selling adult fiction books in America for the last eleven years. Remember, each one of these three books alone outsold Chris Kyle’s “American Sniper.” Like I said, American women like sex slavery and torture even more than ISIS does. And the American feminist movement has been equally, hypocritically silent on those two things: Islam’s treatment of women and “Fifty Shades of Grey’s” treatment of women.
I think I’ve written this before, but I cannot wait for the day that a man who has beaten or tortured a woman uses the “Fifty Shades of Grey” defense. “She asked for it” now has a new meaning because now, in many cases, specifically because this book glamorized it, she did ask for it. Hey, if I were Ray Rice, I’d use that defense and ask my employer why they promote this stuff and yet tell me I’m bad for doing a lot less.
The “story”: a mousy, unattractive soon-to-be college graduate in Oregon meets a young, twisted, mentally ill billionaire who hates romance and loves his women in chains and handcuffs and strapped to torture devices while he violently beats them. She is dazzled by the billionaire’s good looks and agrees to this lifestyle while pretending to vacillate back and forth about it. Soon, she is being beaten and forced to sleep in a separate room after having sex and beatings, while being tied up to contraptions.
I hate-hate-hated this “movie.” I’ve never seen so many boring sex scenes in a row. They seemed clinical at best. In fact, it was so boring, I even fell asleep during the first sex scene of the movie. Didn’t miss much. The two actors in this movie have zero chemistry, and the story is just plain dumb. And how many close-ups of this ugly woman biting her lip did I need? It’s headache inducing. So were the repetitive close-ups of this woman’s nipple. Yes, this is porn. No question about that. And it’s boring, sleep-inducing, dumb-as-heck porn. Um, no thanks.
It’s interesting but no surprise that middle-aged fat chicks filled the audience at the promo showing of this which I attended. That’s the “prized” demo who made the books a hit. These are the hags who were 30-somethings when “Sex & the City” was on TV. And now they’ve graduated to this similarly sleazy vapidity with higher creep and violence factors. That’s who’s going to see this movie. No date for Valentine’s Day, so they will hit the theaters instead to see their imaginary non-existent lover, Christian Grey. It’s a fantasy about glamor for the unglamorous. And the fantasy involves getting beaten and tortured and whipped.
Remember those old cigarette ads for “Virginia Slims”? The slogan was, “You’ve come a long way, baby.” Indeed.
Yay, feminism. Yay, women. Yay, America. You love domestic abuse, so long as it’s packaged in the right wrapper. Bleeping Morons.
FOUR MARXES PLUS FOUR BETTY FRIEDANS PLUS FOUR ISIS BEHEADINGS
Watch the trailer . . .
* “Kingsman: The Secret Service“: This was a decent movie. I liked it, other than the couple of anal sex jokes, which were unnecessary and ruined what was otherwise a fun and funny movie for me. I also could have done without the scene at a church in Kentucky, where all of the churchgoers are openly racist bigots. Yes, it resembles the Westboro Baptist Church (not in Kentucky), but made no effort to say this is a fringe church and not representative of all Christians. Where was the racist, bigoted mosque? Won’t ever happen in a mainstream Hollywood movie.
This movie has everything the modern-day James Bond movies lack (and that the old ones had): lots of great gadgets, guns, funny lines, hot women, action, and political incorrectness galore. All of the liberal celebrities and politicians, including Barack Obama, are killed in this movie. Their heads literally explode. And the villain is an effeminate Black hip-hop-esque billionaire (Samuel L. Jackson) devoted to stopping global warming. In fact, he is so devoted to that cause that he believes most humans must be destroyed and eliminated from planet Earth in order to stop global warming (except for a select few he’s chosen to survive because they are celebrities and politicians and obey what he commands). He wants to take the “man” out of “manmade global warming.” I’m shocked, really, that the Hollywoodites allowed this movie to get made and distributed.
The story: there’s a secret organization made up of secret agents who work to fight and destroy evil in the world. It’s a private, England-based organization, “The Kingsmen.” It’s headed by Michael Caine, and one of its top agents is played by the dapper Colin Firth (UPDATE: beware of his anti-Israel, anti-Semitic ties–see comment from reader Susan, below), who wears impeccable, bulletproof bespoke suits. Firth recruits Eggsy, the loser teen son of one of his late fellow Kingsmen. Eggsy lives in the projects, hangs out with street thugs, wears hip-hop-style clothing, and keeps getting into trouble and petty crime. His mother lives with a violent boyfriend who beats her, and she has given birth to his baby.
Firth sets out to convince Eggsy that there is something more for him in life as a Kingsman if he only applies himself. Eggsy is training and auditioning to become the next Kingsman and help Firth fight the evil billionaire and stop him from destroying humanity. Firth uses a men’s clothing store, “Kingsman,” as his cover. The evil billionaire has an equally evil female assistant who has no legs. Instead, she walks and runs on blades and uses them to stab, maim, and murder people. A barely recognizable Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker of “Star Wars” fame) is in this movie as a bearded professor.
Some of the movie is dumb, but it’s mostly funny and a parody of Bond movies and British TV’s “The Avengers.” If you appreciate it for what it is, you’ll enjoy it. It’s filled with four-letter words, and there are those two unwanted anal sex jokes. So, it’s not for kids.
TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
Watch the trailer . . .
I can only recommend one of the two new movies in theaters, this weekend. Hint: it’s not the one glamorizing sex slavery and physical abuse of women. Many readers have asked where my movie reviews from last weekend are. I had many issues with this website last week. The site ate my reviews and I had to start over, and by the time I did, it was time for the Jewish Sabbath. So I’ll try to post those later today. Stay tuned. In the meantime, there are these new ones:
* “Fifty Shades of Grey“: It’s hard to take seriously the NFL’s claimed opposition to domestic abuse against women, especially since the League approved ads which ran during the Super Bowl promoting this lame, boring two-hour excuse for promotion of sex slavery and domestic violence. This painful-to-watch movie pimped women on this idea for two hours: ugly, mousy women can nab billionaires and live the good life . . . if they only submit to being hit, handcuffed, tortured, and treated like animals. Hey, it worked for Melanie Griffith’s and Don Johnson’s unattractive daughter, Dakota Johnson, who plays Anastasia Steele, the naive idiot who stars in this movie and accepts being tortured. Heck, she’s “empowering” herself by negotiating what objects she agrees can and will be inserted into and clamped on to her. Yay, Grrrlpower! My favorite line amidst the equally dumb dialogue throughout: “Um, what’s a butt plug?” Yup, welcome to American “culture” in the Kartrashian Age.
This movie is creepy, boring, degrading, and just plain awful. Fifty Shades of Incredibly Stupid. The “acting” is hilarious, but the lines in the movie are even more so. Every ghost of dead starving artist writers consigned to penning anonymous Harlequin Romances in the ’70s is turning over in her grave. They all missed their time in the sun and chance at earning $100 million, the reported haul of fat chick middle-aged writer E.L. James, who wrote the silly “novels” on which this movie is based. Oh, and did I mention that this is just the first of three Fifty Shades movies? Suffer three times as much over several years.
Last week, I asked if you think this movie will outsell “American Sniper” in the long run? To the naysayers, I think you overestimate the taste of American women. As I noted, all three of the Fifty Shades “books” dominate the list of the top 10 best selling adult fiction books in America for the last eleven years. Remember, each one of these three books alone outsold Chris Kyle’s “American Sniper.” Like I said, American women like sex slavery and torture even more than ISIS does. And the American feminist movement has been equally, hypocritically silent on those two things: Islam’s treatment of women and “Fifty Shades of Grey’s” treatment of women.
I think I’ve written this before, but I cannot wait for the day that a man who has beaten or tortured a woman uses the “Fifty Shades of Grey” defense. “She asked for it” now has a new meaning because now, in many cases, specifically because this book glamorized it, she did ask for it. Hey, if I were Ray Rice, I’d use that defense and ask my employer why they promote this stuff and yet tell me I’m bad for doing a lot less.
The “story”: a mousy, unattractive soon-to-be college graduate in Oregon meets a young, twisted, mentally ill billionaire who hates romance and loves his women in chains and handcuffs and strapped to torture devices while he violently beats them. She is dazzled by the billionaire’s good looks and agrees to this lifestyle while pretending to vacillate back and forth about it. Soon, she is being beaten and forced to sleep in a separate room after having sex and beatings, while being tied up to contraptions.
I hate-hate-hated this “movie.” I’ve never seen so many boring sex scenes in a row. They seemed clinical at best. In fact, it was so boring, I even fell asleep during the first sex scene of the movie. Didn’t miss much. The two actors in this movie have zero chemistry, and the story is just plain dumb. And how many close-ups of this ugly woman biting her lip did I need? It’s headache inducing. So were the repetitive close-ups of this woman’s nipple. Yes, this is porn. No question about that. And it’s boring, sleep-inducing, dumb-as-heck porn. Um, no thanks.
It’s interesting but no surprise that middle-aged fat chicks filled the audience at the promo showing of this which I attended. That’s the “prized” demo who made the books a hit. These are the hags who were 30-somethings when “Sex & the City” was on TV. And now they’ve graduated to this similarly sleazy vapidity with higher creep and violence factors. That’s who’s going to see this movie. No date for Valentine’s Day, so they will hit the theaters instead to see their imaginary non-existent lover, Christian Grey. It’s a fantasy about glamor for the unglamorous. And the fantasy involves getting beaten and tortured and whipped.
Remember those old cigarette ads for “Virginia Slims”? The slogan was, “You’ve come a long way, baby.” Indeed.
Yay, feminism. Yay, women. Yay, America. You love domestic abuse, so long as it’s packaged in the right wrapper. Bleeping Morons.
FOUR MARXES PLUS FOUR BETTY FRIEDANS PLUS FOUR ISIS BEHEADINGS
Watch the trailer . . .
* “Kingsman: The Secret Service“: This was a decent movie. I liked it, other than the couple of anal sex jokes, which were unnecessary and ruined what was otherwise a fun and funny movie for me. I also could have done without the scene at a church in Kentucky, where all of the churchgoers are openly racist bigots. Yes, it resembles the Westboro Baptist Church (not in Kentucky), but made no effort to say this is a fringe church and not representative of all Christians. Where was the racist, bigoted mosque? Won’t ever happen in a mainstream Hollywood movie.
This movie has everything the modern-day James Bond movies lack (and that the old ones had): lots of great gadgets, guns, funny lines, hot women, action, and political incorrectness galore. All of the liberal celebrities and politicians, including Barack Obama, are killed in this movie. Their heads literally explode. And the villain is an effeminate Black hip-hop-esque billionaire (Samuel L. Jackson) devoted to stopping global warming. In fact, he is so devoted to that cause that he believes most humans must be destroyed and eliminated from planet Earth in order to stop global warming (except for a select few he’s chosen to survive because they are celebrities and politicians and obey what he commands). He wants to take the “man” out of “manmade global warming.” I’m shocked, really, that the Hollywoodites allowed this movie to get made and distributed.
The story: there’s a secret organization made up of secret agents who work to fight and destroy evil in the world. It’s a private, England-based organization, “The Kingsmen.” It’s headed by Michael Caine, and one of its top agents is played by the dapper Colin Firth (UPDATE: beware of his anti-Israel, anti-Semitic ties–see comment from reader Susan, below), who wears impeccable, bulletproof bespoke suits. Firth recruits Eggsy, the loser teen son of one of his late fellow Kingsmen. Eggsy lives in the projects, hangs out with street thugs, wears hip-hop-style clothing, and keeps getting into trouble and petty crime. His mother lives with a violent boyfriend who beats her, and she has given birth to his baby.
Firth sets out to convince Eggsy that there is something more for him in life as a Kingsman if he only applies himself. Eggsy is training and auditioning to become the next Kingsman and help Firth fight the evil billionaire and stop him from destroying humanity. Firth uses a men’s clothing store, “Kingsman,” as his cover. The evil billionaire has an equally evil female assistant who has no legs. Instead, she walks and runs on blades and uses them to stab, maim, and murder people. A barely recognizable Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker of “Star Wars” fame) is in this movie as a bearded professor.
Some of the movie is dumb, but it’s mostly funny and a parody of Bond movies and British TV’s “The Avengers.” If you appreciate it for what it is, you’ll enjoy it. It’s filled with four-letter words, and there are those two unwanted anal sex jokes. So, it’s not for kids.
TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
Watch the trailer . . .
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