Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post about some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to choosing good movies to watch yourself!

Weekend Box Office: 22 Jump Street, Chinese Puzzle [Casse-Tête Chinois]

By Debbie Schlussel
Well, it’s not shaping up to be as good a summer at the movies as I’d earlier predicted. But, then, the movies have been going downhill for years (no, decades) now.

* “22 Jump Street“: Hmmm . . . a bad sequel to a bad reboot of a boring ’90s TV series made in Canada. Um, I think I’ll pass. But I didn’t, so I could warn you that you should. And much of the dialogue in this movie openly mocks (and admits) that it is a crappy sequel to a crappy reboot. They are laughing at you–you who waste ten-plus bucks and two hours of life–all the way to the bank. Suckers!
And while the movie is mostly incredibly dopey, stupid, and not funny, there is one part of it that is hilarious and priceless. Jonah Hill mocks slam poetry morons (a/k/a lefties) and it is a GREAT scene. If I could have just watched that (and the closing credits, which feature amusing ideas for more sequels), I’d have loved this movie. But, sadly, the rest of the movie is sophomoric, juvenile, and looks like someone from “MTV Spring Break” wrote it.

And I can’t ignore the fact that one of the movie’s co-stars is Ice Cube (slave name: O’Shea Jackson). You know, of “F-ck Da Police” fame. The guy plays a cop, and, yet, he’s a piece of crap cop hater who glorified cop-killing in his crappy NWA rap “songs.” Shameless whore.
The story–well it’s almost the same thing as the first installment of this series: the two inept, screw-up cops, Hill and Channing Tatum, go undercover to sleuth out and foil a drug ring. The first movie took place in high school. This one takes place in college (which is basically high school, these days). They are trying to uncover why a student is dead and how it is connected to the illegal drug, “WHY-PHY” (Work Hard Yes, Play Hard Yes). I’m sure you can guess there are a lot of dumb “wifi” jokes. Too bad the destructive drug wasn’t called Old Bad And Mucus-inducing Awfulness (OBAMA). Then, the punny jokes would actually be funny.
The movie is chock full of silly gay jokes (which is interesting, since Hill spent last week apologizing to the liberal world and entertainment media for his use of the f-word that rhymes with maggot to insult someone from the press). And it’s equally unfunny on all the other stuff (except the slam poetry segment).
HALF A MARX

Watch the trailer . . .
* “Chinese Puzzle [Casse-Tête Chinois]“: I hated this pretentious, unfunny French “comedy” that tries oh so uber-hard to be hip and far-left on what constitutes a family. An annoying French author goes to New York after his girlfriend (and the mother of his kids) dumps him and moves there. He has also impregnated his lesbian friend, so she can have a baby. She is cheating on her girlfriend with her female baby-sitter. And the author (remember him?) is sleeping with a woman he broke up with in France, who has two kids and is visiting New York. He is also committing marriage fraud, so he can get a green card and then help his new girlfriend commit marriage fraud. Together, they are all friends and family! Happy Father’s Day, idiots! G-d Bless America!
What a bleeping waste of time.
THREE MARXES PLUS FOUR OBAMAS

Wknd Box Office: G.I. Joe: Retaliation, The Host, Tyler Perry’s Temptation

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post about some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!


Wknd Box Office: G.I. Joe: Retaliation, The Host, Tyler Perry’s Temptation


By Debbie Schlussel



Can’t say much for any of the Easter/Passover Weekend selections debuting at movie theaters today. I didn’t really like any of these, and I was somewhat charitable in my ratings. I wouldn’t spend $10 on any of ‘em.



* “G.I. Joe: Retaliation“: Some readers have accused me of giving favorable or more favorable reviews to movies for which the studios give me cool stuff a/k/a “swag.” But, while the studio sent me a really cool mask (a “G.I. Joe Special Ops Mask”) to promote this movie, I still didn’t think this was a great movie. It had a ridiculous, hard-to-follow story, and almost no plot to speak of. It makes the first G.I. Joe movie–read my review–(which wasn’t screened for critics–this was, surprisingly) look like a masterpiece.



While this movie is filled with action, cool stunts, and lots of fighting and chases (including a cool chase using ropes and harnesses high in the mountains of Asia), it was confusing and non-sensical at times, and just absurd at others. The story, from what I could piece together is this: the President of the United States has been kidnapped and replaced by an evil villain who has morphed into the President’s image (could be the real life Barack Obama story). He sets up the G.I. Joes to look like villains and assassins and has them killed off . . . or so he thinks. But a few survive (including Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson). If you are watching this movie for Channing Tatum (as some women probably are), you’ll be disappointed, as he is killed off in the first five minutes. The G.I. Joes who survive return to foil the fake President and stop his plot of mutually assured destruction of the world in a mad nuclear plot.



I didn’t get how or why, Storm Shadow, a villain the Joes don’t trust or who is normally against them, is now on their side and does martial arts to help them win–and there are scenes with him and some other Asian martial artist and their respective gurus in which I couldn’t figure out what the heck was going on. But this isn’t a movie of “gettting” anything.



Weaved into the plot, Hollywood plays politics, with the surviving female G.I. Joe (Adrianne Palicki) whining about how her father didn’t want her to serve in the military because he said a woman couldn’t protect the country. She joined anyway and spent her life trying to outrank her father so he’d have to salute her (talk about bitter), but he died before she could achieve that goal. At the end of the movie, her twisted goal is “achieved,” when an original G.I. Joe, Bruce Willis, tells her that he served with her father and he would be proud of her. Strange that this movie comes out just after the Obama administration shoves women in combat down our throats. Now, the movies are shoving it down our throats, too.



Like I said, the mask they sent me was very cool. Sadly, the movie, not so much. There’s nothing objectionable about it, other than the women in combat BS. It’s just a silly flick and a waste of time. I originally gave this movie HALF A REAGAN, changed it to A WASH (ZERO REAGANS OR MARXES), and now, on third thought, I’m changing it back.



HALF A REAGAN




* “The Host“: As science fiction movies go, this was one of the more ridiculous and uninteresting. But that doesn’t matter because it’s based on a novel written by Stephenie Rumpeltstiltskin Meyer, the “Twilight” author who turns utter dung into publishing and box office gold. I found this movie long, slow, and boring, and I struggled to stay awake. Much of it either doesn’t make sense, and there are giant plot holes. Still, young women and teens who read Meyer’s stuff and go in droves to see movies based on them will make this the biggest movie of the holiday weekend. I missed the critics screening of this and tried to see it last night when it debuted, but it was sold out, even at the movie theater in my very “hood” neighborhood (I saw it this morning, so I could review it for you).



The story: the earth has been invaded by aliens (who are mad at us humans for “destroying each other and the planet”–please Stephenie Meyer, come up with something other than the usual Hollywood meme about us destroying the planet; yaaaaawn). The aliens are tiny spindly things that look like the koosh balls I used to throw against my wall. They are inserted into the necks of the bodies of dead humans they are fighting to overtake. Then, those bodies come back to life as “hosts” of the aliens. But some of the host bodies still have the minds and memories of the humans who once occupied them, and they are at war with the aliens being hosted.



One of the host bodies is that of Melanie (Saoirse Ronan), a dead human rebel who has been fighting against the aliens. The alien who occupies her body is called “Wanderer” or “Wanda” for short. As the other aliens (“Seekers”) try to get her to find memories within her host so they can find out where the other remaining rebels are hiding, Wanda is fighting off Melanie’s inner thoughts of resisting the interrogation efforts. But, eventually, Melanie wins out and gets Wanda to escape from the Seekers to locate and rejoin her fellow rebels. Melanie was in love with one of the rebels, but Wanda is in love with a different rebel, and there is a fight within/between the host and the alien over that.



Things that don’t make sense: Melanie doesn’t want Wanda to tell the rebels that Melanie is still living within her body, despite the fact that the rebels want to kill the host because they believe only the alien is living within the body. Also, Melanie doesn’t want Wanda to kiss the rebel Melanie loves even though Melanie still loves him. Confused? So was I? But I just didn’t care enough to need this or anything else clarified. Also, non-sensical: why all the hosts occupied by aliens look like supermodels, wear post-modernist white suits, and drive in silver, ultra-modern Buicks and fly silver helicopters. The movie seemed like European Vogue models versus shabby Americans.



There’s no new ground in this movie. It’s not a good science fiction thriller, not even close. There was no suspense, and nothing keeping you sitting through this, except a lot of caffeine. A dull movie with lots of window dressing, nearly zero substance.



ZERO REAGANS OR MARXES – A WASH



* “Tyler Perry’s Temptation“: This wasn’t screened for critics, but I went to see it on my own, since it’s the most heavily marketed Tyler Perry movie I can remember. I hate reviewing a movie that has the director’s name pompously placed at the beginning of the title. That said, this is better than any other Tyler Perry movie I’ve seen, though all things are relative because every Tyler Perry movie I’ve seen is absolutely horrid and this isn’t that great. And in every single one, the men are all cretins, creeps, and thugs. In this one, though, there is a good message and a good man, a husband who is dumped for a bad guy. Add to that, however, that this movie features Kim Kardashian (who cannot act, except when playing herself in porn videos) in a minor role. And she is as annoying as ever. Yuck.



The story: a small town Southern girl and her sweetheart from childhood get married and move to Washington, D.C. The the wife works for a matchmaking service for rich men as the company’s in-house therapist. At that company, she meets an internet billionaire who aggressively courts and teases her, even though he knows she is married. But, soon, she gives in to temptation and limitless ambition and dumps her terrific, hard-working, devoted husband for the glamorous life with the billionaire. But it’s a mistake that ruins the rest of her life.



As I noted, the message is good, but the movie is like a glorified Lifetime Channel movie of the week. Nothing new here, except Vanessa Williams’ really awful French accent. And the movie is depressing.



ZERO REAGANS OR MARXES – A WASH

Wknd Box Office: Safe House, The Vow, W.E., Journey 2: Mysterious Island

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/  reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last week and  THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed!  This all  follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!




Wknd Box Office: Safe House, The Vow, W.E., Journey 2: Mysterious Island

By Debbie Schlussel



Incredible but true, I actually didn’t hate any of the new movies in theaters, today. But, two of them, I really liked.















* “Safe House“: To my surprise, I really liked this (though I do really like Denzel Washington and Ryan Reynolds as actors). When, at the beginning of this movie, they describe rogue CIA operative Denzel Washington as first going off the reservation when he was believed to have leaked information to the Mossad, I wondered if this will be your typical Hollywood leftist anti-Israel fest. I wondered the same again when quick flashes of documents on a giant CIA projection screen show emblems of the Mossad and the Government of Israel. But, thankfully, it turned out not to be. In fact,without giving away movie spoilers, Washington’s dealings with Israeli intelligence turn out to be the thing that saves the day, in the end. While it’s vague positive stuff on Israel, from Hollywood that’s a big deal, since it’s usually the same old anti-Israel crap.



Even better is that the main bad guy you constantly see chasing after Washington–and who finally gets his–is very obviously, visibly an Arab. I was shocked that PC Hollywood would do this. Sure, in the credits, the guy is listed as “Vargas,” but he’s played by a Lebanese actor named Fares Fares. I smiled as the old Jewish couple behind me clapped and loudly cheered both times this guy gets shot. Glad to see that not all of my fellow co-religionists have turned left and Islamopologist. (Who was that Jewish couple? If you’re reading this, e-mail me!)




Washington is Tobin Frost, the CIA’s most legendary and skilled agent. He’s been off the grid and a rogue agent wanted by the CIA for the past ten years. He just bought a computer file of some sort from a former colleague and friend who is former MI6. And suddenly a group of Arab-looking and other men with machine guns are chasing and trying to kill him. He’s in South Africa and, when he sees no way out from their pursuit, he sees the U.S. Embassy and turns himself in to save his life.



Ryan Reynolds is a rookie CIA agent who is a “housekeeper.” He spends all day maintaining a CIA safe house in South Africa, but after nearly a year of this and lying to his girlfriend about what he does for a living, he’s bored to tears waiting for a “guest” to be interrogated and yearning for action in the field. That day comes when a CIA interrogation team brings Washington/Frost to the safe house and all hell breaks loose. There’s a mole in the system, and everyone’s getting killed.



I could have done without the waterboarding scene and references to Khalid Sheikh Mohammed being waterboarded, as if that’s supposed to make me think this is torture or feel bad for the mastermind of the 9/11 mass murder of 3,000 Americans. But other than that, I enjoyed the thrilling, non-stop action and suspense throughout. It’s my kinda movie–intrigue, guns, shooting, explosions, car chases, etc. Definitely NOT a chick flick.



The ending is sort of predictable, but you’ll like the movie anyway. It’s very violent and bloody and not for kids. But it’s one of the “good guys win” movies of which we’re in short supply these days. And, like I said, Israel is the good guy, even if it’s by vague reference. Given the state of Hollywood these days, I’ll take it and laugh as HAMAS CAIR and the other Muslim grievance theater actors whine.



THREE REAGANS





* “The Vow“:  Finally, Hollywood makes a movie in which the guy/husband is a mensch–the kind of guy all American men should be (even if he is sort of a hipster).  While I did feel that this movie was kind of manipulative, I still recommend it enthusiastically.  It’s a great date movie and the kind of chick flick which guys will find very bearable.  I really liked this, despite a few instances of unnecessary melodrama and a vague, sub-rosa element of class warfare.  If you liked Channing Tatum in “Dear John” (read my review), then you will definitely like this.  He plays a similar type of “classy guy” romantic lead role.



Based on a true story, the very hot Channing Tatum plays a Chicago husband whose sculptor/artist wife (Rachel McAdams) suffers a concussion in a car accident. When she wakes up from a coma, she cannot remember him and has regressed back to the time when she was still in law school, living with her wealthy family in Lake Forest, and was engaged to a previous boyfriend (Scott Speedman). As she is challenged to recover her memory, Tatum must win her back all over again, since she not only can’t remember him, but doesn’t feel attracted to him.



The couple is a hipster/artsy couple living in downtown Chicago, but McAdams character came from a very preppy, wealthy suburban family. There is a subrosa class warfare thing going on in which the parents are “evil, wealthy” parents, while McAdams’ character was living without health insurance and voted for Obama. I didn’t need that part.



But, otherwise, it’s really romantic–though not in your typical saccharine or unrealistic Hollywood kind of way. And I found it enjoyable and entertaining. The husband in the movie is really very heroic and puts up with a lot, whereas the female is kind of bitchy. You almost never see this dynamic in the movies, even though that’s the way it is, many times, in real life.



THREE REAGANS



* “W.E.“: I didn’t hate this Madonna-directed (and co-written) vehicle like most of the mainstream liberal movie critics. While it is a bit disjointed and the camera moves way too much in the first third or so of the movie, I liked the dynamic of the modern story connected with the older story of the romance between Wallace Simpson and King Edward, who everyone knows gave up the throne to marry her, a commoner divorcee. And that’s even though I believe the Wallace Simpson/King Edward story has been done to death and isn’t all that important or fascinating. But, guys, you will not like this. So stay home or see “Safe House,” instead. This is a disjointed chick flick.



I could have done without some of the melodrama in the relationship between Wally Winthrop (Abby Cornish)–the modern-day admirer of Wallace Simpson, who daily visits the Sotheby’s exhibition of Simpson’s jewelry and belongings about to go up for auction–and her psychiatrist husband. And I could have done without the absurd seen of Wallace Simpson and the Duke of Windsor dancing to “Sex Pistols” music with modern-day Black model Alex Wek in the late ’30s/early ’40s or Wallace Simpson with bad “old-people” make-up in 1972, dancing to “The Twist.” Plot devices like that are just silly. And I didn’t like that Madonna gave a free pass to Simpson and King Edward on their support for Hitler and the Nazis.



But I liked the story of Wally, the modern day woman who imagines what it must have been like back then. I guess you could call it an “Antiques Roadshow” romance. I like to read letters back and forth between American soldiers fighting in World War II and their loved ones, so I can identify with someone reading Simpson’s letters and looking at her belongings, imagining what it might have been like. (But this woman’s occupation with Simpson goes much further. It’s an obsession–check out how much she pays for her winning bid on Wallace Simpson’s leather gloves.) I also liked rising star Oscar Isaac, who plays the most likeable character in the movie, a security guard at Sotheby’s. He’s probably the best actor in the movie and does a convincing Russian accent most of the time.



As I noted, the movie intertwines two stories: the story of how Wallace Simpson and Edward meet and eventually marry, he gives up the throne, and they forced to leave England and live a boring in France. Wally Winthrop, a modern woman whose mother and grandmother were obsessed with Wallace Simpson named her for the woman. She becomes fascinated with Wallace Simpson, as well, visiting the Sotheby’s exhibit daily, in order to escape her loveless marriage to an abusive, absentee husband. At the exhibit, she meets a Russian immigrant security guard, Evgeni (the handsome Oscar Isaac), who is attracted to her and keeps an eye on her. Will she eventually give Evgeni the time of day? That’s the story I found more interesting that the Wallace Simpson one.



Sadly, the acting isn’t all that great. Abby Cornish is cold and like a dead fish, as is James D’Arcy, the actor who plays the Duke of Windsor. It’s not a “great” movie, but it’s not bad and it’s entertaining enough. Plus, it’s a high-styled movie, with the most detail and attention having gone to exquisite period wardrobe, jewelry, and decor. Women will love that. But as I said, straight guys, this ain’t for you.



TWO REAGANS




* “Journey 2: Mysterious Island“:  This is fine for families and taking your kids to see.  It’s sort of a sequel to 2008′s  “Journey to the Center of the Earth” (read my review), but you don’t have to see that one to get this one.  They are completely different.  This is far inferior to the 1951 and 1961 version of  “Mysterious Island.”  But, like I said, it’s fine to take your kids to.  It’s wholesome, and it features good grandfather/son dynamics and father/stepfather dynamics.  I must note, though, that I hate Luis Guzman, whose inanity ruins every movie he’s in.  Also, I definitely could have done without Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s “pec pop of love” schtick in which he flexes his chest muscles.  Please make it stop.



Josh Hutcherson plays a teen boy who is always getting into trouble and is saved by his stepfather (The Rock/Johnson) from his latest stunt, crashing a motorcycle into a neighbor’s swimming pool. But Hutcherson, who dislikes his stepfather, really just wants to decode a message he believes was transmitted via satellite from his absentee grandfather (Michael Caine), who is an explorer believed to have discovered Jules Verne’s “Mysterious Island.” His stepfather helps him decode the message, and soon they are on a bonding trip to the other side of the world to try to find the island and his grandfather.



If you’ve seen the far superior previous versions of “Mysterious Island” mentioned above, you know the drill: giant animals and creatures, amazing, lush landscape, and a quest to get off the island before they are doomed. Captain nemo’s notebook and submarine/ship, the lost city of Atlantis. All that stuff is in this version, too. But this one seems too hurried and dumbed down for kids, even though I believe kids would really enjoy the original and other previous versions.



Nothing objectionable about this and entertaining enough for kids and families.



ONE-AND-A-HALF REAGANS