Wknd Box Office: Total Recall, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days, Ruby Sparks

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last weekand THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!




Wknd Box Office: Total Recall, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days, Ruby Sparks

By Debbie Schlussel



I didn’t hate any of the new movie releases, this weekend. And I really liked two of them. I’ll start with the one I liked least and in which I was most interested.



* “Total Recall“: Uggh! They took a perfectly campy, funny, cool 1990 movie and removed all of its campiness, fun, humor, and coolness–turning it into a long, slow bore overstuffed with excessive, non-stop vomit of action and special effects. What was interesting and unique in the original has been removed, and the movie has been turned into a dark, serious, paint-by-the-numbers, formulaic action film. Yuck. The storyline is very similar, but it feels more like a cheap knock-off of the original, far superior “Total Recall,” and it is. There was absolutely no reason to remake it, except to replace all the roles that used to be played by White men and women with Asians and Blacks and to get rid of the cool, smart-alecky Black cab driver from the original. Do yourself a favor and rent the original before you see this (even if you’ve already seen the original before). You’ll see how much of a disappointment this cubic zirconium version is, when the real thing is fresh in your mind.



There is no Mars in this one, there are no holographic cab drivers (or any cab drivers at all), and there’s no mutant Mars brothel with all kinds of strange-looking prostitutes, including the woman with the three breasts. Oh, sure, the tri-breasted woman is in this one, too, but merely injected to get hormonal teen and twenty-something guys to buy a ticket, without explanation, as an Asian prostitute. In the original, she was a Mars mutant, thus the deformity. Gone from this version are the best lines and the best scenes. There is no scene in which Quaid–then played by Arnold Schwarzenegger–shoots his fake wife, Sharon Stone, in the head and says, “Consider that a divorce.” (See the video clip of that, below.) The scene at Rekal (in the new movie it’s spelled with two Ls, as “Rekall”)–the fake-memory implantation company– is devoid of all of the quirky dialogue. In the original, Quaid picks his ideal fantasy woman, and is asked “Do you want her to be classy or sleazy?” (he picks sleazy) and whether he wants her breasts to be large or small (he picks large). There is no rebel leader named Kwato–the wise, talking baby protruding from the stomach of one of the rebels.



This Scene From the Original Is NOT in the “Total Recall” Remake . . .





Instead, the movie and the story have been sterilized of all oddities and strangeness (other than the tri-chesticles) that made the original movie different. And now that it officially stinks, the filmmakers are insisting it’s not a remake. Make no mistake–it’s definitely a remake. Just a very poor one.





As much as I loathe crotchwoman Sharon Stone, she was excellent in the original as Quaid’s double-agent wife, far better than Kate Beckinsale, whose hubby, Len Wiseman, directed this cheap replica and cast her in the role. Beckinsale quickly becomes tiresome (doing the same thing over and over again), while in the original, the wife was killed off early on–just the right time. Jessica Biel’s freedom fighter rebel is no match for Rachel Ticotin’s hooker-as-rebel-liaison, which was more edgy. And with all due respect to Colin Farrell, he just can’t fill the shoes of Arnold Schwarzenegger on this one, as much as I loathe the ex-Governator. The role was really written for him and his out of place Austrian accent and cyborg-like appearance. Farrell’s faux-American accent makes it dull.



In the original, scenes from Mars’ underworld and seedy nightlife were the frequent stand-by setting. It was creepy, and that’s where the rebels hid in plain sight. But in this movie, there are frequent cuts back to a cheap futuristic Chinatown set that looks ripped off from the set of “Blade Runner,” another movie based on a Philip K. Dick work. Let’s hope they don’t remake (and ruin) that movie, too.



Instead of Mars, the setting for this is “the colony,” which is some sort of post-utopian version of America where workers are being replaced by synthetic soldiers and workers (robots) by the colonizing masters in the United Federation of Britain (UFB). As in the original, Quaid (Farrell) keeps dreaming that he’s elsewhere with a brunette woman whom he tries to save from falling to her death. He wakes up to another woman, who is his wife (Beckinsale). Also like the original, he is a working-class man who goes to Rekall, a memory implantation company, which implants false memories in your mind of vacations and adventures you want to experience but don’t have the opportunity to experience in real life. And like in the original, something goes wrong, Quaid discovers that his wife isn’t who he thinks she is and he’s not who he thinks he is. And as in the original, rebels are at war with the establishment government. And so on. If you haven’t seen the original, I don’t want to give too much more away than I already have. But it’s basically the same storyline. The original had sort of an Occupy Wall Street vibe to it. It’s been amped up in this one but meant to also resemble a post-futuristic Boston Tea Party.



Also, this version is only rated PG-13, despite the fact that every other word is the S-word and there’s the three-breasted nude woman. The original was rated R.



While this movie would be fine on its own (had it not been a cheap remake of a much better original that didn’t need remaking), as a remake 22 years later, it simply isn’t better or worth $10 to pay to see computer-generated images superimposed non-stop on what was fine as is, circa 1990.



It’s not that the movie is absolutely horrid. It’s okay. It’s just unnecessary and a tawdry shadow of something that was better. Who needs ground beef when you can have fine, dry-aged prime rib?



ONE REAGAN PLUS TWO O.J. SIMPSON FAKE ROLEX WATCHES (for Cheap Replica)




* “Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days“: Absolutely hilarious, and terrific for kids and the whole family! This is the third “Wimpy Kid” cinematic installment, and I like this one the best (read my reviews of the first and second “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” movies). And like the second one, it’s very funny, fast-paced, and entertaining. This is what a good kids’ movie is supposed to be like (even if it was a little gross–that’s what little boys like, and little girls will like this, too). And it ends up showing a positive father-son relationship in an intact nuclear family, something you hardly ever see anymore in any entertainment media. Kids might not get some of the jokes–such as a great one involving a Civil War re-enactment, but I suspect those jokes are in there for the adult parents who accompany their kids to the movie. I laughed a lot during this movie.



It’s the end of the school year, and the “Wimpy Kid,” Greg Heffley (Zachary Gordon), still has his eyes on the pretty girl he met in the last installment. But you needn’t have seen any of the previous “Wimpy Kid” movies to know what’s going on here. Greg is invited to the country club by his best friend, Rowley, where he sees the girl. Because he wants to hang out with her and catch her eye, Greg lies to his parents and tells them he’s gotten a summer job at the club. And, then, whatever can go wrong ultimately does. It’s the same situation when Greg goes with Rowley and his family for a weekend at their house near the boardwalk. And during a camping trip in a Boy Scout-esque explorers group, in which Greg’s dad is an assistant troop master. Then, there is the fact that Greg’s family just got a new dog, that Greg’s dad feels competitive with their “perfect” neighbors, and Greg’s older brother, who is still terrorizing and extorting/blackmailing him.



The movie is clearly aimed at kids. If you have young kids, this is the movie to take them to see, especially if you want to be entertained, too.



THREE REAGANS



* “Ruby Sparks“: This is sort of a hipster/slacker, self-absorbed version of “The Twilight Zone.” I found it charming and entertaining to a point, even if I do not care for the whole hipster ethos. It’s written by and stars Zoe Kazan, granddaughter of famed Hollywood director, Elia Kazan. It also stars her real-life boyfriend, Paul Dano.



Dano plays a former child prodigy author, who is still living off of his hit “Catcher in the Rye”-esque novel, written about a decade or more ago, when he was in his late teens. Now a hipster slacker living in a fancy, modern Los Angeles-area condo, he continues to feel like a loser because he cannot write anything else and cannot live up to that first novel. But soon he begins writing about a woman he’s dreamed of, Ruby Sparks (Kazan). And he becomes obsessed with her, typing day and night on his typewriter (he does not use a computer). Before long, she suddenly comes to life in his apartment and they are lovers, just as in his book. While Dano is shocked, his brother (Chris Messina) is even more surprised. They take Ruby to meet their preppy-turned-hippie mother (Annette Benning) and her second husband (Antonio Banderas). Dano learns he can make Ruby do whatever he wishes, if he only types it that way. But manipulating people you love to do as you wish has its price.



TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS

Wknd Box Office: My Week w/ Marilyn, The Descendants, The Skin I Live In

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/  reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last week and  THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed!  This all  follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!

Wknd Box Office: My Week w/ Marilyn, The Descendants, The Skin I Live In


By Debbie Schlussel



I’ve already reviewed some of the good new movies for Thanksgiving that came out on Wednesday.  Now, here are the also-rans–two I didn’t get to, and one (Marilyn) which just debuted in theaters in my area, today.  There’s one decent one and one which is just simply horrifying garbage.





* “My Week With Marilyn“: I’ve always thought Marilyn Monroe was the most overrated figure in history. She was nothing more than a selfish, neurotic, self-absorbed, manipulative, temperamental bimbo, respected only because like James Dean and JFK, she was mediocrity that died young. And, so, I expected to hate this movie. But I liked it, in part because it goes along with my view. On the other hand, others who buy into the “Myth of Marilyn” also like it. Thus, I guess Marilyn flicks are in the eye of the Marilyn beholder. I also liked this because it’s light and fun and full of glamor from the time in which it takes place, the ’50s. It’s not a “great” movie destined to be a classic, but it’s not bad. It’s entertaining and is what we expect to get out of a good time at the movies–almost two hours of escapism. It’s also enjoyable because Michelle Williams nails it, making us instantly believe she is Marilyn Monroe. She gets the persona down in every way, from the mannerisms and behavior to the voice and the look. It’s uncanny.





The story: Eddie Redmayne plays Colin Clark, a 20 year old English blueblood to the manner born. He wants to impress his aristocratic family, but also wants to pursue his interest in film and make something of himself. So he finagles his way into a job as a third assistant director a/k/a gopher on a set of a movie starring Marilyn Monroe and Laurence Olivier being shot in England. Olivier is directing the project, believing it to be a star turn for him. But despite the best laid plans, that’s not how it turns out. Monroe is her usual self. She’s bombastic, unreliable, always late, constantly forgets her lines, and always broods, pouts, and cries. Soon Clark and Monroe develop a friendship which appears on the cusp of turning into more.



It’s a bearable kind of chick flick, though less bearable because Marilyn Monroe is the man, and young Colin Clark is definitely the chick, doe-eyed, naive, fawning, and all. It’s somewhat predictable from beginning to end, but a balmy, light, pleasant road along the way.



TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS




* “The Descendants“: This highly over-rated exercise in ennui stars the world’s most arrogant actor, George Clooney. And he’s suited for the role as a know-it-all, workaholic lawyer and Hawaiian resident, who thinks he is smarter, better, and more moral than everyone else in his life. But he’s in for a rude awakening. He’s out of touch.



Clooney is the descendant of a Hawaiian princess and an American banker, and he’s the trustee for his far-flung set of waspy-looking Hawaiian relatives deciding what to do with 25,000 acres of valuable Hawaiian land they’ve all inherited on Kauai. Clooney wants to sell to a local hotel, golf course, and shopping mall developer, though some relatives want to keep the land intact. Clooney’s wife is an adventurous person who gets severely injured and put in a coma during a boating or water-skiing accident. Clooney must deal with his two young daughters and become close to them again, as he struggles with his wife’s deteriorating health condition in the hospital and discovers she was cheating on him.



The only thing admirable about this movie was the eventually close relationship between father and daughters. But that wasn’t enough to get me to like this very slow movie chock full of the smug Clooney moralizing and lecturing us as he does in real life. Annoying is the best word for this film in which little is resolved and the people are highly unlikable.



TWO MARXES




* “The Skin I Live In [La Piel Que Habito]“: This is the most disturbing, horrifying, disgusting, barbaric, warped movie I’ve seen in recent memory. I was absolutely sickened and should have walked out, as more than one person did (I was not at a studio screening–which I couldn’t attend due to a scheduling conflict, but went to see this on my own). This is billed as a “sci-fi thriller,” but don’t let that fool ya. It’s a complete piece of utter abomination and garbage. Nothing thrilling about it, and there’s hardly “sci-fi,” so much as there is rape and torture. This “movie” is absolute proof that no matter how warped and disgusting our own un-American Hollywood is, the movie industries of Europe are far worse and and even more beyond help. This movie is so sick, so bad that mere words are not enough to convey just how awful and perverted it is. But I will provide the spoilers here, so that you don’t waste a penny on this sickening cinematic display. (It’s in Spanish with English subtitles.)



Mr. Melanie Griffith a/k/a Antonio Banderas stars as a plastic surgeon, whose wife and daughter have both committed suicide and whose daughter was raped. Banderas’ surgery clinic is inside his mansion. Banderas’ wife was having an affair with Banderas’ half-brother, the maid’s wanted criminal son (the maid is also Bandera’s mother, unbeknownst to him). Then, the wife was engulfed in flames in the car while she’s there with her lover. She is hideously deformed from the burns, and when she sees herself in the mirror, she jumps out the window in front of her daughter.



Then there’s the daughter. Since both the daughter and the guy who raped her were hopped up on drugs and alcohol and begin having sex, I’m not sure I’d call it rape, as she tries to get him to stop in the middle–and then he knocks her out (okay, that part is the violence and rape). The daughter goes nuts after the rape and kills herself after some time at an insane asylum. To get revenge, Banderas kidnaps the guy who did it and gives him a forced sex change operation against his will, transforming him into a beautiful woman whom he keeps prisoner in his house. In the process, he discovers a new, tougher skin transplant morphing the cells of pigs and humans. Banderas develops a crush on this alleged rapist whom he’s forcibly changed into a woman, who looks similar to his dead wife.



One day, the maid’s criminal son, Banderas’ half-brother, returns to the mansion and rapes the newly sex-changed rapist. Banderas returns home and kills him and then begins having sex with the rapist whom he forcibly sex-changed to look like a woman. Ultimately, the kidnapped, sex-changed woman kills Banderas and Banderas’ maid/mother and returns to his mother, who has been looking for her kidnapped son for two years. He must tell his mother what has happened to him and how he’s been forcibly changed into a woman.



Sick. Nauseating. Disgusting. Warped. That’s what passes for “art” in arthouse movie theaters, these days. Thanks, Antonio Banderas, for contributing to the human waste material in the world’s intellectual septic tank. If you like this movie, you are in serious need of help . . . and a straitjacket.



FOUR MARXES PLUS