Weekend Box Office: American Reunion, Kid With a Bike, Blood of Forgiveness

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!



Weekend Box Office: American Reunion, Kid With a Bike, Blood of Forgiveness

By Debbie Schlussel



I wasn’t all that crazy about the new movies debuting at theaters, this weekend.




* “American Reunion“: This movie is a national class test. If you like it, you have none. It wasn’t different than I expected. Just more disgusting and depraved–rich material to be mined for an Al-Qaeda recruitment video about how decadent and warped the west is. It makes the original, the extremely raunchy “American Pie” look like tame stuff. This is just soooo sick. Defecating on top of beer bottles and then people sticking their hands in it, a penis magnified under the lid of a glass pot, a guy’s penis, that same guy’s penis bleeding because he quickly closes his laptop on it, after being caught by his kid watching porn, etc.–yup, all the usual classy stuff you get from these gross “American Pie” movies (which began with a guy having sex with a pie), chock full of has-been actors with no career to speak of over a decade later. It’s filled with dopey, sick jokes about sex and bodily functions–almost none of which are funny.


The story, if you care (and you shouldn’t) is that all the original, sex-crazed characters from the original movie (three or four sequels ago) are back. Except that, instead of 17-year-old sex-crazed chumps and skanks, they are 30-year-old loser sex-crazed chumps and skanks (and also actors in their mid-30s with no big projects and very much in need of a paycheck), plus the two most prominent–and annoying–parents from the original. The characters are back for their high school reunion and all depressed and bitter about their empty lives that didn’t live up to their dreams. They all want to impress one another, and a few wish they’d remained with their original high school crushes instead of those whom they are with now. I don’t think I need to tell you the different stories of these characters because, hey, I didn’t care. And you won’t either. Just a bunch of has-been and mostly never-been actors as desperate as their characters.



Skipworthy.



FOUR MARXES PLUS A BIN LADEN




* “The Kid With a Bike [Le Gamin Au Velo]“: This should be must-viewing for all men who father kids out of wedlock or who don’t manage to stay in their kids’ lives–and must-viewing for the babymamas like Bristol Palin, who repeatedly shack up and have sex with various guys, giving birth to these out-of-wedlock kids. Except that the ending is far more positive and happier, though, than what would have happened in real life. A young buy is abandoned by his father to a state-run orphanage. He is looking everywhere for his father (and his bike), as his father told him he’d only leave him there for a week, while he looked for work. A kindly beauty shop owner he meets agrees to help him find his father and to serve as a temporary foster parent on weekends. The boy gets caught up with the wrong crowd. Like I said, in real life, the ending would be far, far worse. In French with English subtitles.



THREE REAGANS





* “The Forgiveness of Blood“: This movie was slow, boring, and absolutely pointless. Plus it’s in Albanian, and the English subtitles went by way too fast and were too small to read. An Albanian family (they appear to be Christian) in a small seaside farming town must live in isolation and isn’t allowed to leave their house under the “Kunan”–the law of honor. That’s because the father was part of a murder of a man in the town and is on the lam. He and his brother say it was self-defense, but they must live in isolation anyway, until and unless the family of the murdered man allows them to leave, via mediation. Too slow and not very entertaining. It’s billed as a thriller and suspenseful. But it’s neither.



ONE MARX