Politically Correct Passover

With the death of Charlton Heston happening right before Passover, the article below shows some of the dangers of a secularization of the Passover holiday. For now, this is somewhat satirical and let's pray that the remnant that are always to be keeping the holiday don't ever become lukewarm enough for this to become the mainstream way it is celebrated. I hope you find this interesting.


http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=1862&start=0&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight=&sid=29a625d0487b0990d44614135a7367b4

The Renegade Exodus and Other Crimes of Moses
By AWOL Civilization4/6/2008, 7:11 pm

Now that the idea of social awareness and class struggle has reached American pulpits, it was only a matter of time before progressive historical revisionism left its academic confines and flooded the nation's churches, raising consciousness of the worshiping masses and prompting them to re-evaluate archaic concepts of "faith," "freedom," and "morality." Armed with the winning theory of class struggle, more and more oppressed churchgoers are finding the courage to speak out against violations of human rights in the ancient world, and indeed against the entire litany of "traditional" "conceptions" based on the "Bible" and its "teachings."In this sense, the conference of religious leaders and scholars from around the world, titled "From Security to Homelessness: Moses and the Renegade Exodus of the Hebrews" was the first major event of its kind, focusing on Moses' fraudulent activities and the resulting major humanitarian disaster called the Exodus.~ Convened at the Cathedral of the Victim Trinity in Chicago just before the Easter and Passover holidays, the confab manifested itself as a global showcase of progressive religious studies.The tone of the event was set by keynote speaker Rev. Jeremiah Right-On, head preacher at the Cathedral of the Victim Trinity. "Not everyone went along with that reactionary criminal Moses," declared Right-On. "The opposition, defamed as the so-called mixed multitude, was in the majority - and they didn't want to leave Egypt. The authors of the Bible obfuscated the socio-economic context, hoping to prevent us from knowing the truth. But the truth is that years of protesting, representing, and organizing had resulted in a progressive Pharaoh ascending the throne. "The Pharaoh gave the people free health care, guaranteed employment, and complete economic equalityEqual-Pay-No-Way , allowing women to do men's work for the same minimum wage. Even mass burials were paid for by the state. OK, he took away the straw they needed to make the bricks, but that was because some folks accidentally poked their eyes out with it."It filled the people with the audacity of hope. All people - Egyptians and Hebrews alike - toiled happily for the Common Good. It didn't occur to them to question the government's wise guidance and central planning, as they knew their production quotas were needed to build a better future in a fair and equitable monarchy. But the balanced and peaceful unity among the people and the state came to a halt when Moses initiated a campaign of criminal sedition and resurrected the failed notions of 'reason,' 'personal liberties,' and 'keeping what you earn.'"Discord and greed entered the homogenous collective, leading Hebrews to abandon the guaranteed employment and flee into the desert. What followed next was a sad period in history marked by plagues, famines, and violence. It happens every time people foolishly trade the safety net provided to them by the government, for a questionable future of parting seas, airborne manna, and burning bushes. Especially burning bushes. We all know what happened! When the burning bush lied, people died!" The Rev. Right-On's remark was greeted with a standing ovation.Other speakers focused in more detail on the right-wing religious brainwashing employed by Moses to control the people's minds. Sir Jeffrey Rankbottom, a special envoy sent by the Archbishop of Canterbury, pointed out the evil nature of the evangelicals, especially the southern variety. "Moses and his preachers actively circulated the ultra-conservative Ten Commandments, which they dreamed up in order to destroy the working Hebrew communities in Egypt," said Rankbottom. "The cunning idea that morality is somehow 'carved in stone,' and that one must bear personal responsibility for one's actions, was an insidious ploy to alienate the people from their Pharaoh. Unfortunately the ploy succeeded, turning the people into ingrates who abandoned their caring state that gave each according to their need regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, or number of children sacrificed at the festivals."The Tabernacle was another institution debunked at the conference. According to research conducted by Rev. Al Sharkton of New York, the biblical story about people dying from snake bites was a bald-faced lie. "All those people really died from second-hand smoke inhaled from the altar of the Tabernacle," Sharkton told the audience. "When the sons of Aaron, Nadab and Abihu, tried to protest and install filters on the altar, Moses had them rammed through with pikes. That story about fire coming down from heaven and consuming them was part of the big cover-up."Sharkton went on to expose another biblical falsehood. "Manna from heaven?" he scoffed, pointing sarcastically toward the sky. "Moses sent Aaron and his men behind the nearest hill, where they set up the giant catapult. At two or three o'clock in the morning, they heaved the manna across the camp of the Israelites."Miraculous nutrition? Hah! The manna was nothing more than a cheap hamburger, remarkably similar to the Burger King's Whopper - the same corporate food that is killing children in minority communities. And what happened after the Israelites ate the manna for many years? Tens of thousands of cases of heart disease, stroke, and mental illness caused by the high cholesterol and trans-fat content of the manna. The perpetrators were never identified or prosecuted."The environmental impact of the parting of the Red Sea was examined in a careful scientific study by the United Nations' Intergovernmental Panel on Climate ChangeLearning-to-Love-Global-Warming (IPCC). According to the study, the winds from the parting caused hurricanes around the world, which have still not completely subsided. Decay of horse flesh and military equipment on the sea bottom released toxic substances, which seeped into the water supply of Egypt. A million deaths have been attributed to this horror, and a few thousand each year after that, due to poisoning and residual cataclysms. The overall damage is reckoned in the trillions. With the dividends accrued over the thousands of years it amounts roughly to the cumulative property of the entire Judeo-Christian civilization, which in all fairness must now be shared with the less fortunate victims of Moses' unthinkable crime against the environment.As a result of the act, states the IPCC report, not only a species of rare blowfish native to the Red Sea became extinct, but that "all fish, crustaceans, mollusks, and protozoa within 80 miles were traumatized, and soon began to commit suicide. The Red Sea was devastated, which in turn destroyed the food chain in the Mediterranean, killing all aquatic life, which then wiped out a few seafaring civilizations in the area."A special guest lecturer, arriving late due to Israeli "security procedures," addressed the issue of the Palestinians, who were cast aside by Moses as he rampaged forward. Prof. Eddie Saheed of Gaza University delivered a tearful eulogy about the Baal Institute of Peace at the foot of Mt. Sinai, a "great and noble think tank that epitomized the rich and diverse Palestinian culture" that was tossed aside by Moses in the blink of an eye. "Interfaith dialogue, brotherly love, tolerance, and acceptance of gay marriage came tumbling down like the walls of Jericho," said Prof. Saheed, concluding his speech with an emphatic statement that "Jesus was a Palestinian."Saheed's statement was followed by a shouting match with Rev. Sharkton, who pushed Saheed away from the microphone and went on to insist that Jesus was an African-American inner-city community organizerClinton-and-Obama-Economic-Plans Mar-08 , and that anyone who disputed that historical fact was an intolerant racist bigot. A massive and unmoderated debate erupted, in which members of the audience argued among themselves, what race and ethnicity of Jesus would be more fitting to the current political situation and useful to the cause. The confrontation abated only after the organizers promised to make this the main topic of the next conference, which would be tentatively titled "What is more progressive - to consider Jesus a Palestinian or an African-American?"Throughout the conference, religious authorities voiced a wall-to-wall consensus that the "monotheistic" notion of a "single God" is a threat to progressives everywhere. Reverend Jackinthebox, head of the Multicolored Multigod Coalition, shook his fist at the sky as he proclaimed that this "one God" clearly is a god of capitalism. "Where are the gods for the poor, the minorities, the transgendered individuals, the struggling masses who are Left Behind by the system? If these multiple gods didn't exist, we would have to invent them."