“Despicable Me 2″: Terrific, Fun Movie Almost as Good as Original Hi Yo Blather: “Lone Ranger” is a Long, Anti-American, Leftist Bore; The Lone Stranger

  Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post about some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!

“Despicable Me 2″: Terrific, Fun Movie Almost as Good as Original


By Debbie Schlussel



Longtime readers know I was a big fan of the original “Despicable Me” (read my review) in Summer 2010. The sequel, “Despicable Me 2,” in theaters now, isn’t as good, as sequels rarely are. Part of that stems from the fact that the main character is far more amusing as a villain than as a good guy. But it’s still very good and a great movie for kids AND adults.









Like the original, this movie is chock full of fun, fabulous animation that is eye candy extraordinaire. It’s cute, funny, and endearing. And it’s entertaining and original, in story and otherwise. I couldn’t say enough great things about the original, and this is up there. You needn’t see the original, though, to enjoy this and get what’s going on. You also don’t have to see this in 3D to enjoy it (though that’s how it was screened for critics).























The story: villain Gru (Steve Carell) is now reformed and no longer trying to steal the moon. As a father of the three orphan girls he adopted, he’s now a doting dad and maker of jellies and jams with Dr. Nefario (the loathsome Russell Brand). But he’s recruited by the Anti-Villain League, a secret world anti-crime organization, to stop a supervillain whose identity is unknown. He works with super agent Lucy (Kristen Wiig) to try to uncover and stop the villain at the local mall where one of the shop owners is secretly the plotting criminal in disguise. The “Minions”–Grus loyal little yellow helpers–are back in spades and have a lot of great scenes.



The movie is far better than I’m making it sound. It’s hilarious, and a great escapism session at the movies. Well worth the money and one of the best movies so far this year.



THREE REAGANS





Hi Yo Blather: “Lone Ranger” is a Long, Anti-American, Leftist Bore; The Lone Stranger

By Debbie Schlussel



Just in time for the Fourth of July, America’s Independence Day holiday, Hollywood takes an old, patriotic radio and TV show and turns it into an anti-American, anti-business liberal fantasy, “The Lone Ranger,” in movie theaters today. It’s a long, slow, boring 2.5 hours of liberal fantasy. The Lone Ranger (Armie Hammer) is a moron and an anti-gun dope (yes, I’m not kidding–The Lone Ranger, who historically was inherently connected with guns, is now against that). And the only smart, decent guy in the movie is . . . wait for it . . . the American Indian, Tonto. Oh, and did I mention that the villains of this movie are the American military–civil war veterans–and the businessmen who developed the railroads across America, which was a great development in our history, not a tragedy perpetrated by greedy scumbags as portrayed in this cinematic screed. Per the typical leftist Hollywood meme, the victims in this movie are Chinese men building the railroads and the American Indians–both groups victimized by the evil White American male interloper.









In case that doesn’t rain on your July 4th parade, the movie makes sure to include an Independence Day celebration that includes the Star Spangled Banner, lots of American flags, and behind the scenes crookedness against good and indigenous peoples by the railroad magnate who sponsors the festivities.























Kids are going to see this, and this stuff poisons their mind about America. And was it really appropriate to have a scene in a brothel–and one of the heroes of the movie, its madam–when we know the audience will skew young?



This movie has absolutely no resemblance to the original Lone Ranger, in which the lead was the Ranger a/k/a lawman John Reid. Tonto was the sidekick. They were patriots and heroes, saving Americans from criminals and other bad guys. In this movie, Tonto–Johnny Depp apparently revising his Jack Sparrow pirate character–is the lead, the wise man, and the guy in control, helping victimized minorities from the evil White businessman trying to build the railroad and the American soldiers who help them in their chicanery and mass murder. The businessman has a gang of evil crooks working for him (alongside the American soldiers), who are so despicable and ruthless that they shoot and murder seven American lawmen and cut the heart out of the main one (the Lone Ranger’s brother) and eat it. Hey, just like the real-life “Syrian freedom fighters” Obama loves.



Not only is the Lone Ranger against guns, but he also is against killing criminals, insisting upon taking them to trial to face justice. Here, I guess Disney, the far left, the ACLU, HAMAS CAIR, and Rush Limbaugh/Sean Hannity/Rand Paul converge with the views of this crappy movies. It’s some sort of statement against killing terrorists, and instead taking them to trial to face justice. Or some such BS. By the way, the “exotic, magical indigenous minority instructs and educates evil, dopey White man” narrative gets old. Very old. But it’s the only chorus the jerks in Tinseltown know.



This crowded, confusing movie is more overstuffed than Rosie O’Donnell, Rachel Jeantel (Trayvon Martin’s calorically-gifted girlfriend with the cursive-reading prob), and Melissa McCarthy combined. And not one part of it is interesting. Even the brothel madam’s wooden leg rigged as a shotgun isn’t new (see the movie “Grindhouse”). The William Tell Overture and “Hi Yo Silver” slogan that go hand in hand with the traditional “Lone Ranger” don’t make an appearance until the very end of the movie. But it, frankly, shouldn’t have made an appearance at all, since this is LRINO–the Lone Ranger In Name Only. This “Lone Ranger” is more like a Lone Stranger.



The movie uses a silly, unnecessary plot device involving a young kid dressed as the Lone Ranger in the early 1930s. He goes inside the exhibits of a traveling carnival or museum of sorts and encounters an old Indian in one of the displays. The Indian starts talking to him and telling his story. We see the Indian, Tonto, caught up in a train robbery along with Reid, later the Ranger. They are shackled together. Later, when seven of eight lawmen are brutally murdered in the mountains by a gang of thugs (see above heart-eating description), Reid is left for dead with them. But the Indian, who is burying them, finds that Reid is alive. He nurses him to health and teaches him courage, even though Reid is a total peacenik, anti-gun dope, who insists on trials for terrorists. For the rest of the movie, we see the dopey Reid a/k/a the Ranger screw things up and the Indian does it right, all while the evil White businessman and American soldiers are scheming, stealing from, overworking, and killing minorities.



Hi Yo Anti-American Bulls–t. And this BS went on and on and on. I note that Lone Ranger Armie Hammer is the great-grandson of legendary anti-American oilman Armand Hammer, who went out of his way to enable Communists and Marxists around the world in his oil trade with our enemies, especially the Soviet Union, and made excuse after excuse for their horrible human rights transgressions and engaging in moral equivalency arguments (saying America was just like them). I’m sure he’s smiling from his grave now that his great-grandson carries on his disgusting legacy, albeit at the movies.



Skip this travesty and save 2.5 hours of your life and 10-plus bucks. You were forewarned.



More high quality Gitmo torture material from Hollywood.



***



A week ago, on my Twitter account, I predicted this movie would be the biggest bomb of the summer (follow me on Twitter).









A few days later, the Hollywood mainstream media said the same thing. It’s not hard to predict that. It’s not that this is a Western. Westerns are great if they are great Westerns. This is just anti-American crap parading as something else. And no matter how anti-American it is, it won’t do well in foreign markets. Because you can buy sleeping pills for a lot cheaper.



FOUR MARXES PLUS FOUR OBAMAS PLUS FOUR BIN LADENS

Wknd Box Office: The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, The Call, Stoker

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post about some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!

Wknd Box Office: The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, The Call, Stoker


By Debbie Schlussel



I only really hated one new movie this weekend, but the other two were just okay.



* “The Incredible Burt Wonderstone“: As a kid, my late dad bought me magic tricks, and I used to perform at family gatherings. So, I love magic, magicians, and movies about either or both. And I really wanted–and expected–to love this movie. But I expected too much. After all, I thought a comedy about magicians starring Steve Carell, Steve Buscemi, and Jim Carrey would be extremely funny–laugh-out-loud funny. But it wasn’t. Not even close. Yes, I laughed a few times, some of it forced laughter. But mostly I sat in silence. Most of the jokes were either lame, not funny, or entirely groan-worthy. I guess that’s why it’s coming out in March and not in May when the real movie season begins. I liked the story, which was entertaining enough, but it was not anything new. If anything, the best thing about the movie was Alan Arkin, who is always terrific in my book.


Steve Carell and Steve Buscemi were nerdy kids who were bullied mercilessly by the kids at school. But they see a videotape of Arkin who is the great magician Rance Holloway, who teaches them how to do amazing magic tricks. Flash forward to modern day, Carell and Buscemi are a popular magic act in Vegas, and they are invited to perform at James Gandolfini’s casino. But, with frosted ’80s big hair and cheesy rhinestone-encrusted costumes, their act becomes dated and predictable and they grow to hate each other. Soon, Buscemi is out of the act, and no one is going to egomaniacal Carell’s solo magic shows. Now, a “street magician” (Jim Carrey) who hosts a reality show, “Brain Rapist,” is the all-the-rage magician. Carell tries to make a comeback and trains with the aging Rance Holloway, who is now in a nursing home.



By the way, if you take your kids to see this, keep in mind that Jim Carey–who isn’t in the movie much–drills into his own head. Not magic. Not magical. Not funny.



As I said, the story is entertaining enough. But I wish it were funnier. If it were, it would get at least TWO REAGANS. But since it isn’t, it only gets . . .



ONE-AND-A-HALF REAGANS


* “The Call: This could have been a great thriller, and it started off that way, but it just was too violent, bloody, and graphic for my taste. At times, I found it coldly sadistic. A man is soaked with gas and burned alive. Another is stabbed repeatedly in more than one scene until he’s dead. And a girl is nearly scalped by a deranged serial killer. The movie leaves little to the imagination as we see the first cutting for the scalping, etc.



Halle Berry plays a 911 operator in Los Angeles. A call she takes results in the kidnapping and murder of a young girl because when the phone is disconnected, Berry calls back, and the ring gives the girl away to the killer. Because of this screw-up, Berry stops working as a 911 operator and is instead a trainer for new recruits. But when a new operator can’t handle a call from a kidnapped teen, Berry springs back into action. A teen girl (Abigail Breslin) is kidnapped from a shopping mall parking lot and locked in the trunk of a car. She has a Tracfone and calls 911 from the trunk, where she is guided by Berry on what to do. This part was interesting because it gives you some ideas on what to do if you ever find yourself in such a horrible situation.



Throughout most of the movie, the two of them converse on the Tracfone, while Berry makes efforts to extract information and attract attention from other motorists, so police can identify the suspect and locate the car. Along the way, two people are brutally murdered by the kidnapper when their suspicions are aroused. He also switches cars, and so on.



I can’t say the movie wasn’t thrilling, entertaining, and suspenseful. It was all of those and definitely wasn’t boring or slow. But it could have been a much better movie without the gore and brutality. I get that bad people do bad things, but do we really need to depict it and desensitize Americans to it even more? Not in my book, and it took away from the movie in my opinion. The best thrillers don’t use guts and gore, they play mind games to scare and thrill you. The violence and brutal stuff is the lazy Hollywood man’s way, and I’m giving the movie a lower rating because of it.



This is definitely not for kids and also features the F-word more than a couple of times and other sexual slang. And I did not like the ending, or find it believable.



ONE REAGAN



* “Stoker“: Absolutely awful. This creepy, pointless waste of nearly two hours of my life I’ll never get back is a must-skip. It was written by Wentworth Miller, formerly the star of FOX’s defunct series, “Prison Break.” He should stick to acting. It was killing porn without a point. And it tried soooo hard–way too hard–to be artsy, different, and cool. And it was none of those. Just pretentious dreck.



Mia Wasikowska is India, the constantly sullen daughter of a man who has just died in a car accident. She and her very cold, selfish mother (Nicole Kidman) live in a mansion in the country with all the trappings of the good life. But India is a geek who dresses like a hipster who is even too hipster for hipsters. After her father dies, an uncle she never knew existed shows up to stay for a while. And while her mother is coming on to her strange new uncle, he is busy killing people–killing the housekeeper, killing a visiting aunt, and then helping India kill the one boy at school who is nice to her. Oh, and then we’re shown a shower scene in which India orgasms to her visions of the killing. Yup, highbrow, classy stuff here . . . if you’re a sycophant to the pretentious. For everyone else it’s an avoid-at-all-cost waste of time.



The filmmakers call this a “thriller.” But there was nothing thrilling about it. Just 99 minutes of slow, boring, painful-to-watch navel gazing accessorized with a lot of blood and far too many meaningless shots of spiders. Stay away. If you like this, you’re a fake.



THREE MARXES

Wknd Box Office: Bourne Legacy, The Campaign, Hope Springs

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last weekand THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!




Wknd Box Office: Bourne Legacy, The Campaign, Hope Springs

By Debbie Schlussel



If you see one new movie, this weekend, make it BOURNE! It’s the movie I really liked of the new releases in theaters today.



* “The Bourne Legacy“: Jeremy Renner does not disappoint in this latest installment of the “Bourne” movies. In fact, I like him far better than loathsome lefty (but good actor) Matt Damon. If you like a good thriller with semi-believable, fantastic stunts and non-stop, heart-pounding action, this is your movie. It’s my kind o’ movie. Although it’s a little confusing at the beginning, you quickly learn what’s going on. And I liked it a lot despite the fact that I don’t like Rachel Weisz (mostly because you can tell she’s a Brit faking an American accent in every movie she does, and it grates on me, plus I don’t buy her acting).You don’t have to have seen any of the previous Bourne movies to see this, although there are brief references to characters and happenings in the previous Bourne movie, “The Bourne Ultimatum” (read my review).





Renner plays a government-created agent, who was previously a U.S. soldier who “died” in the Iraq or Afghanistan war (I forget which). He’s training and going through tests in the cold wilderness in the middle of somewhere, when he runs out of the government-supplied pills that keep him alive and is suddenly being targeted by drones. Soon, he seeks out the scientist (Weisz) who works in the government lab where he was undergoing tests and blood work. She’s the lone survivor of a mysterious massacre at the lab.



I don’t want to tell you much more because it would spoil the movie. But it’s full of the usual stuff you’ve come to expect from Bourne movies and their mix of “Three Days of the Condor”/“The Parallax View” (read my review) style government conspiracies. Though I don’t believe our government actually engages in these kinds of massacres (unlike Truthers and other such nuts), it doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy a good conspiracy theory movie, especially one that’s well done and full of suspense.



If I had any criticism, it’s that the ending felt like “not the end” to me, but then, they do that to you so you’ll pay money to see the sequel. I felt like I’d sort of seen just half of a movie. But it was a fun “half,” and I enjoyed it immensely. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time, once it got going. Some of the stunts, particularly those with a motorcycle go beyond stretching credulity. But as with the Bourne, Bond, and other such movies, you know this is part of the package.



Fun, exciting, and worth it.



THREE REAGANS



* “The Campaign“: This movie had a lot of funny lines (and campaign commercials), and it had such potential and was hilarious and fun at the beginning. But it quickly degraded into a silly, crude, sophomoric exercise in stupidity. Plus, it’s a not-so-veiled attack on the conservative Koch Brothers, known for their donations to Republican candidates and SuperPACS. Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis are both their usual very funny selves in playing two candidates running against each other in a North Carolina Congressional race. Ferrell is philandering, sleazy Democratic Congressman Cam Brady, and Galifianakis is the effeminate, underachieving son of a racist rich guy. He is recruited by two very wealthy brothers, Dan Aykroyd and John Lithgow, who get him to run as the Republican opponent, so they can bring Chinese workers to the district to make their cheap products (they call this “insourcing.” The Motch Brothers are clearly supposed to be some sort of parody of the Koch Brothers–it’s quite obvious. And, of course, there is no George Soros figure in the movie to balance things out.



I wouldn’t pay ten bucks to see this, but I might rent the video, if only to see the very campaign commercials that Cam Brady (Ferrell) makes, bragging about his extramarital affairs (comparing himself to Bill Clinton) and touting his opponent as an Al-Qaeda member because he has a mustache.



But, mostly, the movie is dreck peppered with some humor.



ONE MARX


* “Hope Springs“: This should’ve been called, “TMI: The Movie.” Old people talking about their dysfuncational sex life to a counselor? Eeeuuuwww. Not fun, not entertaining, and definitely NOT worth two hours and ten bucks of your respective time and money. Not even close. Oh, and it’s your typical anti-male movie, where the bad person is the man in the relationship. He’s your typical “bete noir” bad, insensitive husband who is mean to his wife and insults her consistently. It’s what Oprah–if she still had a major daytime talk show and anyone still cared what she had to say–would be touting to her viewers as “the feel good movie of the year.” Guys, do yourself a giant favor and skip this at all cost if your wife or girlfriend insists on seeing it. Do anything else, instead. It’s that insufferable. I guarantee you will squirm in your seat if you don’t take my advice. You were forewarned. This is painful to watch. And I don’t just mean plain painful. I mean, dentist-yanking-out-all-your-teeth-without-painkiller-or-anasthesia painful. I hated this movie. Hate-hate-hated this movie. It’s the worst of feminist propaganda.



Meryl Streep plays a housewife, whose husband, Tommy Lee Jones, is the typical Hollywood narrative of husbands–insensitive, rude, and doesn’t share a bed with her. They haven’t had sex in several years and sleep in separate bedrooms. She pays $4,000 of her own money and drags her husband to New England for a week-long intensive set of sessions with a marriage counselor, played by Steve Carell. Don’t let Carell’s presence fool you. He is not funny in this movie and plays the role in a serious and straight manner.



I can’t understand why on earth anyone would pay to see such marital strife and melodrama, when they can see a much more entertaining version for free in divorce court. I don’t know what happened to Tommy Lee Jones (regardless of the fact that he’s a big liberal), but he definitely checked his testicles at the door before acting in this movie apparently written by the ghost of Betty Friedman.



Avoid this like the plague. Trust me, when the credits role, your hope won’t spring. It committed suicide in the first five minutes of this high quality Guantanamo Bay torture material on film.



FOUR MARXES PLUS FOUR BETTY FRIEDANS

Wknd Box Office: Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, Brave, Lola Versus

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!






Wknd Box Office: Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, Brave, Lola Versus

By Debbie Schlussel



I really liked one of the new movies out at theaters this weekend. The rest were “eh.”



* “Seeking a Friend for the End of the World“: While this is definitely for adults only (it’s chock full of sexual themes, drug use, and R-rated language), I really enjoyed this movie. It’s very funny, romantic, and charming. But it’s the kind of movie guys will like, too.


It’s the end of the world. The news broadcasts that everyone only has three weeks to live because an asteroid is heading toward earth. Because of that, people quit their jobs, there are no more flights, people use illegal drugs and party non-stop, there are riots, and magazines stop publishing. One magazine is shown with the cover, “Last issue – The Best of Humanity,” and it bears pictures of Jesus and Oprah. Oprah? Are you kidding? They must be?



Steve Carell is an unhappy, bored insurance agent, whose wife leaves him when she learns the world will soon end. His neighbor, Keira Knightley, is in her late 20s and has just dumped her boyfriend. With riots surrounding their building, they escape and travel to see the true love of his life and to take her to fly in a private plane home to England to say good-bye to her parents. But the story is really about their journey and what happens to them and between them along the way. I’m not a fan of Knightley, but she didn’t really get in the way here. The best thing about the movie is that the male lead character played by Carell is a real mensch and class act.


Some who’ve seen it have said the ending is a “rip-off.” Not so. It ends perfectly and at just the right time. Anything different really would have been a rip-off.



TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS






* “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter“: I hated this movie. I’m all for historical movies and even historical fiction movies. But this was just stupid and has nothing at all to do with history. And, as I understand from a friend who read it, the book is much better. Still, I’ve already said on this site that I don’t like these concepts of turning Lincoln into a vampire hunter and other similarly silly premises. It’s all about liberal disrespect and tearing down of authority and historical authority figures we revere in America. When I first wrote about that, a commenter suggested we write a book about Barack Obama, vampire bloodsucker. The thing is, he makes a silly cameo at the end of this movie (well a Black arm of a man who is supposed to be him does) as a vampire hunter. Huh? He won’t even fight Islamic terrorists, illegal aliens, or a bad economy. Vampires would make mincemeat of him. Also, in this movie, the vampires are mostly Confederates and slavery supporters, which is not the case in the book (which has vampires on both sides), so it’s an anti-Southern, anti-red state movie.



The story: Abraham Lincoln’s mother is murdered by a vampire. He becomes a vampire hunter with a mentor who sends him to Illinois. Lincoln decides that if the vampire hunter stuff doesn’t work out, he can always run for office, and soon he’s in the White House fighting off the vampires. The movie has Lincoln accompanies by his magical Black friend who stays at the White House with him, while Mrs. Lincoln consults Harriet Tubman to go on the underground railroad to escape the vampires like Black slaves escaped slavers. Huh? Just stupid. And the special effects and stunt weren’t believable either.



Skip this messy, stupid movie and read some history books about the real Abraham Lincoln. This vampire stuff is for the birds . . . and gullible teens searching for heartthrobs. Where is John Wilkes Booth when you need him to put a movie out of its misery? Sadly, he was nowhere to be seen in this horrid flick.



ONE-HALF MARX
* “Brave“: Disney has been pushing this Pixar 3-D animated kids movie big-time. But it doesn’t live up to the hype. The story is kind of dull and laced with feminist she-manism, like all movies aimed at girls, these days. All the men in the movie are dopes, per usual. And it’s kind of dark, both in color and story. Also, I was surprised that, even though it’s animated, this kids movie had a scene showing all the men walking with their naked butts to the screen. Why do Disney and Pixar feel the need to push the envelope like this with young kids?



A Scottish princess is dismayed when her mother, the queen, wants to marry her off. The princess wants to spend her time riding horses, hunting, and shooting her bow and arrow in the forest. So, she goes to the woods and seeks out a witch to cast a spell on her mother. The spell turns her mother into a grizzly bear and she must beat the clock to keep her mother from permanently turning into a bear. Her father, the king, is an incompetent, drunken dope who lost his leg to a grizzly bear and wants to party and kill the grizzly.



ONE-HALF REAGAN PLUS TWO BETTY FRIEDANS




* “Lola Versus“: I will never understand why anyone finds self-absorbed, navel-gazing hipsters interesting. And so it goes with this waste of time movie chock-filled with annoying people badly in need of help and common sense. There are a few funny lines in this movie, but mostly it will annoy the heck out of you. Lola (Greta Gerwig) is engaged to her artist boyfriend in New York. But he dumps her and she starts feeling sorry for herself with a bunch of unattractive, weirdo friends and sleeps around with everyone including her ex-fiance. The end. Ick. Two hours of life gone forever, wasted on this dreck. Don’t do what I did. Skip it. No charm was involved in the making of this movie.



FOUR MARXES

Wknd Box Office: Cowboys & Aliens, Crazy Stupid Love, Sarah’s Key, A Little Help

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/  reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last week and  THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed!  This all  follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!

Wknd Box Office: Cowboys & Aliens, Crazy Stupid Love, Sarah’s Key, A Little Help


By Debbie Schlussel



It’s no surprise that the best new movie at the box office, this weekend, is an arthouse Holocaust movie. Judd Apatow and lack of creativity have ruined the silver screen, along with crap, liberalism, and he-chick flicks. I did not see “The Smurfs.” Here’s what I did see:





* “Cowboys & Aliens“: I love a good western (and I enjoy watching re-runs of the old Western TV series, “Wagon Train” and “Alias Smith and Jones”). I also love a good outer space aliens flick. The problem is this was a combination of two bad versions of both–a B-list western and a C-list alien movie.



The aliens were laughable and old hat, and I laughed out loud when I wasn’t supposed to. I really looked forward to this movie, but it was boring, stilted, unexciting, and a waste of time. Sorry. Also, not only is Daniel Craig a bad choice for James Bond (Bond is NOT BLONDE!), he’s a terrible casting decision for cowboy action hero. It’s not convincing to see Vladimir Putin’s doppelganger as an American cowboy. Sorry.



Oh, and the movie should have been called, “Cowboys & Indians and Aliens.” The premise is that warring Cowboys and Indians make peace and become friends over fighting outer space creatures who are kidnapping and killing them. Coming soon to a theater near you: “Jews & Muslims & Christians and Aliens.” That’s how simplistic, moral-equivalence-addicted Hollywood sees things. And that’s why movies like this stink.



Daniel Craig awakens with a bloody gash in his side and a large, space-aged cuff bracelet shackled to his wrist. He doesn’t know who he is. He comes to a small Western town, where he roughs up the hoodlum son of a wealthy crook (the wealthy crook is Harrison Ford). It turns out that Craig is a wanted criminal and he is arrested by marshals, who prepare to ship him and the hoodlum to another town to face justice. But, that night, space ships and giant alien creatures invade the sky and start destroying the town. They also swoop down and kidnap many of the townfolk.



Craig and Ford and a number of others, along with Olivia Wilde, join forces with American Indians to fight the aliens. In the meantime, Craig starts to discover who he is.



Believe me, I’m making it sound far more interesting than it is. It’s a flat, uninspired movie, and while it is not objectionable, it’s just not a good movie.



ZERO REAGANS OR MARXES – A WASH



* “Crazy, Stupid, Love“: This is a chick flick. And the chick is Steve Carell. Chick flicks are bad enough. The ones in which the men are forced to be the sensitive, girlie-men are even more excruciating. It doesn’t help, either, that in the last third of the movie, it’s “Three’s Company”-style stupidity, with this person mistaking that person for having done this when he really did that. It wasn’t funny in the ’70s. It ain’t funny in 2011.



Yes, there were a few funny lines. But the only entertaining, funny part of this movie is when Ryan Gosling, a younger ladies man, tries to school Carell, the chick who’s been dumped by his wife (Julianne Moore) in how to dress and pick up women. The rest of the movie was painful to watch. And it seemed to go on forever . . . and ever . . . and ever. Waaay tooo loooong.



Carell learns his wife has been cheating on him with her co-worker, Kevin Bacon. She divorces him, and he moves out. A sweet man, he can’t make it in the dating scene, until Goslin starts schooling him. And while that part is entertaining, even that has its stupid, low-brow moments. Carell’s face on Gosling’s naked crotch–haha, funny. No thanks.



After Carell is schooled by Gosling in the ways of the pick-up artist, the movie goes completely kaput with a mess of melodrama, screaming, crying, yelling, etc. It’s just stupid, and a waste of time, including the side stories about a young lawyer (Emma Stone) and a babysitter.



Believe me when I say, the trailer for this is far more entertaining than the movie. Remove the words, “crazy” and “love” from the title, and you have everything you need to know about this movie: Stupid.



TWO MARXES

* “Sarah’s Key [Elle S'appelait Sarah]“: This is a terrific movie. It’s part mystery thriller, part moving Holocaust movie, part detective sleuthing, and part drama. It spans a few generations and takes place both in Paris and New York. With parallel stories in the past and the present, it’s woven together like the plot of a great book. No surprise, since this is taken from the best-selling novel of the same name. I liked this movie because it explores the “innocent” French citizens who claimed not to know about the Holocaust but were tacitly complicit.



In contemporary Paris, an American journalist (Kristen Scott Thomas) married to a Frenchman is writing about French cooperation and complicity in the Holocaust and the rounding up of Paris’ Jews. As she investigates, she wonders about the apartment her in-laws have given her and her husband. It became available in 1942, and she wonders about the circumstances. Spliced into this story is the story of Sarah, a cute, young blonde girl whose family is Jewish and is rounded up by the Nazis. Sarah locks her little brother in a hidden compartment in the wall of their apartment, telling him not to come out, and that she will come back for him. Soon, Sarah is separated from her parents, who are sent to concentration camps. She sneaks out of the camp in an attempt to save her brother. We see what happens and what ends up of her life.



It’s tight and fast-moving. Never boring. You want to know what happens next. The movie is half in English and half in French with English subtitles. And the ending is very moving. Could have done without the one comment by a moronic character, comparing the Holocaust to Abu Ghraib and America in Iraq and Afghanistan. But, other than that, a great movie. Tight and well-orchestrated.



The message of the movie: we don’t always know who we really are. And when we find out the truth, we sometimes vehemently deny who we truly are. It’s sometimes shocking, sometimes sad. Sometimes, it’s a cause for joy because we are the product of survival.



FOUR REAGANS



* “A Little Help“: Another movie I absolutely hated. A total waste of time. Jenna Fischer plays a Long Island dental hygienist in 2002, who believes her husband is cheating on her. Something happens, throwing her life into chaos. And her young son lies to everyone using a phony 9/11 story that she backs him up on. Fischer has an annoying, overbearing sister, whose husband is secretly in love with Fischer.



Not sure what the point of this movie is . . . other than to waste your time and money. Hopefully, you’ll read this and save both. You were forewarned. This movie was totally worthless.



FOUR MARXES