“Skyfall”: This James Bond is Lackluster, Silly; Bond is NOT BLOND!

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post about some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!

“Skyfall”: This James Bond is Lackluster, Silly; Bond is NOT BLOND!


By Debbie Schlussel



When I returned home from the screening of “Skyfall,” earlier this week, I purchased the domain names BondIsNotBlond.com and JamesBondIsNotBlond.com. They’ll take you to my very first take on Daniel Craig as James Bond. My views haven’t changed. He’s puny, effeminate and way too thin in others. And he’s blond, despite the fact that Sir Ian Fleming’s James Bond was dark and swarthy.









And it doesn’t help that the villain in this latest Bond installment, in theaters today, manhandles Bond in a very gay way, unbuttoning his shirt, and putting his hand on Bond’s chest (to which Bond responds, “What makes you think this is my first time?”). It had an icky, in-your-face-political correctness vibe to it. But this is the new politically correct James Bond. I don’t care about race, but it’s not by accident that Moneypenny is now a Black chick and the villain is a weird, bleach blond gay freak (Javier Bardem), who looks like the Wikileaks dude on steroids. The only really cool part was when he removes half of his jaw from his face–not for the faint-hearted, but no biggie if you watch superhero movies. And like America and the rest of the West in this Obama era, the plot is dumbed down beyond the dumbing down you normally get in a Bond plot.



Bond has a scruffy goatee for about half of the movie, and it’s just not Bond-esque. James Bond is classy AND clean shaven. But not here. We’re forced to learn more of the sensitive, metrosexual man stuff, learning about what “makes Bond the way he is,” and it’s your typical Lifetime movie of the week deal in which his parents were killed when he was young. Oh, and their names were Andrew and Monique Delacroix Bond. Really? Is that what Ian Fleming wrote about? I don’t think so.













The story: James Bond is in Turkey, trying to get a mysterious list from a villain named Patrice. The list turns out to be the list of every undercover operative working for the West in terrorist groups. But Bond is shot down in friendly fire, on orders from “M.” He falls into the water and is presumed drowned and dead. But we know that would never happen or there would be no James Bond movies left. So you know that soon he’ll reappear alive–not exactly a spoiler. Soon “M” and MI6 are targeted through computer viruses and bombings. And the motivation of the villain, “Silver” (Bardem), is silly and not believable.



I’m sure the Bond fanboys will kill me for saying so, but I found this Bond to be either the worst of the three Daniel Craig Bond movies, or a close tie with the absurd “Quantum of Solace.” It was slow and boring. There isn’t nearly as much action and cool cars as you’re used to in a typical Bond movie. In fact, there’s just one cool car, and it’s a throwback. There aren’t even any cool gadgets. The ones that the new, young “Q” gives Bond are blah. And the Bond girls, which are there for the male Bond fans, well, there are only two of them (not counting Moneypenny), and they’re barely there.



The movie is a half-assed Bond movie. I feel like the Broccolis, who hold tight to the franchise, phoned it in to fill their bank accounts with more cash. Even the theme song by Adele was crappy.



I was excited for this movie and expected more. I got less. If you’re wondering about the title, Skyfall is the name of Bond’s childhood manor in Scotland (and it was funny how neither he nor the Scotsman who lived in the home had Scottish accents). I know—who cares?



One other thing: execs of now-Muslim-owned Aston Martin (who used sharia to stiff creditors attended the screening, and they had several modern Aston Martins parked outside the theater as a promotion. The cars were so unimpressive compared to the old-style versions in Bond movies of the past. These new cars looked like Japanese imports or semi-Corvettes. More cheesy than sleek and chick.



And that’s kinda how I view this latest Bond flick. It’s mildly entertaining but just doesn’t hold a candle to what we’ve come to expect from James Bond. But it’s a letdown, and I’m being generous when I give it . . .



ONE REAGAN

Midweek Box Office: Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Adventures of Tintin

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/  reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last week and  THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed!  This all  follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!


Midweek Box Office: Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Adventures of Tintin

By Debbie Schlussel



While there are at least two FOUR REAGAN movies coming out later in this pre-Christmas week (stay tuned for my upcoming reviews), I’m not exactly thrilled with the two new movies out today, though one is far worse than the other:


* “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo“: I’m not really sure why they re-made this movie, other than the language issues (the original is in Swedish).  Aside from that, it’s virtually the exact same movie as the Swedish version (read my review), other than a different cast. Yes, there are a few tiny, minor scenes that weren’t in the original. But that’s it. If you saw the Swedish silver screen version of this Stieg Larsson novel, then you are wasting your time at this incarnation. And, even if you didn’t see the original, I don’t recommend this. I didn’t like the original, and as this is an exact replica, I found nothing to like in this one either. There’s the same boring, waaaaay toooo looooong story (the movie is nearly three hours). There is the same brutal rape scene and then a revenge anal rape scene. Is this movie escapism for you? It isn’t for me. Sorry. And the “mystery” isn’t all that mysterious or anything I cared about. Didn’t enthrall me for a second.


Daniel Craig plays Mikael Blomkvist, a left-wing journalist who tries to take down a corporate CEO in the newspaper he and his married girlfriend founded. Instead, he finds himself, at the beginning of the movie, convicted of defaming the CEO and stuck with a giant judgment against him. Soon, he is approached by the lawyer for a different wealthy Swedish CEO (Christopher Plummer), who wants Mikael to investigate the disappearance of his young niece. Several of the man’s close relatives were Nazis, all wealthy, and they all live on the same luxe Island in their mansion compounds. Mikael takes the assignment because of the money. He needs a research assistant and soon finds himself with Lisbeth Salander (Rooney Mara), the bisexual, much-pierced, and mega-tattooed goth researcher who did the background check on him for this assignment. Lisbeth is a ward of the state because she was convicted of a crime as a juvenile. Her probation officer repeatedly makes her perform oral sex on him, then rapes her. Oh, and he won’t give her the money she needs out of her bank account. I could tell you more, as I did in my original review of this movie. But then it would spoil the rest of the whole rancid, waste of time thing.



This movie’s gotten much hype, but there’s little to substantiate that faux excitement. It’s a dark, high-styled movie, but the plot and story leave little to be desired. The ending is silly, too.



This is what left-wing thrillers are all about: darkness, the alleged evil character of corporations and their CEOs, and the virtue and righteousness of “journalists” who write for left-wing rags trying to take them down. Stieg Larsson was a far leftist, a hater of capitalism, and a supporter of all things radical. Sadly, his thriller books–with a very clear agenda propagated in them–are all best-sellers.



On the other hand, Larsson is now worm food or in some place hot with the ghost of Bin Laden. See, there’s a silver lining in everything.



FOUR MARXES



* “The Adventures of Tintin“: This is fine for kids, and there’s nothing objectionable about it. But it’s just that it was too long and boring. If I was bored (and about a half hour into it, I was), kids might be bored, too. Even though it’s less than two hours, it seemed like three. It’s not tightly knit together, there are too many scenes and stories packed into one, and it’s kind of confusing.



In this animated movie made by Steven Spielberg a/k/a “Abu Spielberg,” Tintin is a young journalist, who buys a model ship in the town flea market. But a number of other people are after the model ship, causing a break-in at Tintin’s apartment and a number of odysseys by Tintin and Captain Haddock, an old, drunken sea captain, whose ancestor knew where the treasure was. They are searching for treasure, using clues found in the ship and several locales, including Morocco (always gotta gratuitously insert those Muslims into movies, right?), where the Sheikh has a model of the Unicorn, which contains one of the clues to finding the treasure.



There is plenty of swashbuckling, chasing, and the like. But, again, it just went on forever and could have been a half hour shorter at the least. But for kids, it’s fine. At the beginning it’s an intriguing story, but then it becomes a drag. Daniel Craig is one of the voices to the animated characters in this movie.



ONE REAGAN

Wknd Box Office: Cowboys & Aliens, Crazy Stupid Love, Sarah’s Key, A Little Help

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/  reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last week and  THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed!  This all  follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!

Wknd Box Office: Cowboys & Aliens, Crazy Stupid Love, Sarah’s Key, A Little Help


By Debbie Schlussel



It’s no surprise that the best new movie at the box office, this weekend, is an arthouse Holocaust movie. Judd Apatow and lack of creativity have ruined the silver screen, along with crap, liberalism, and he-chick flicks. I did not see “The Smurfs.” Here’s what I did see:





* “Cowboys & Aliens“: I love a good western (and I enjoy watching re-runs of the old Western TV series, “Wagon Train” and “Alias Smith and Jones”). I also love a good outer space aliens flick. The problem is this was a combination of two bad versions of both–a B-list western and a C-list alien movie.



The aliens were laughable and old hat, and I laughed out loud when I wasn’t supposed to. I really looked forward to this movie, but it was boring, stilted, unexciting, and a waste of time. Sorry. Also, not only is Daniel Craig a bad choice for James Bond (Bond is NOT BLONDE!), he’s a terrible casting decision for cowboy action hero. It’s not convincing to see Vladimir Putin’s doppelganger as an American cowboy. Sorry.



Oh, and the movie should have been called, “Cowboys & Indians and Aliens.” The premise is that warring Cowboys and Indians make peace and become friends over fighting outer space creatures who are kidnapping and killing them. Coming soon to a theater near you: “Jews & Muslims & Christians and Aliens.” That’s how simplistic, moral-equivalence-addicted Hollywood sees things. And that’s why movies like this stink.



Daniel Craig awakens with a bloody gash in his side and a large, space-aged cuff bracelet shackled to his wrist. He doesn’t know who he is. He comes to a small Western town, where he roughs up the hoodlum son of a wealthy crook (the wealthy crook is Harrison Ford). It turns out that Craig is a wanted criminal and he is arrested by marshals, who prepare to ship him and the hoodlum to another town to face justice. But, that night, space ships and giant alien creatures invade the sky and start destroying the town. They also swoop down and kidnap many of the townfolk.



Craig and Ford and a number of others, along with Olivia Wilde, join forces with American Indians to fight the aliens. In the meantime, Craig starts to discover who he is.



Believe me, I’m making it sound far more interesting than it is. It’s a flat, uninspired movie, and while it is not objectionable, it’s just not a good movie.



ZERO REAGANS OR MARXES – A WASH



* “Crazy, Stupid, Love“: This is a chick flick. And the chick is Steve Carell. Chick flicks are bad enough. The ones in which the men are forced to be the sensitive, girlie-men are even more excruciating. It doesn’t help, either, that in the last third of the movie, it’s “Three’s Company”-style stupidity, with this person mistaking that person for having done this when he really did that. It wasn’t funny in the ’70s. It ain’t funny in 2011.



Yes, there were a few funny lines. But the only entertaining, funny part of this movie is when Ryan Gosling, a younger ladies man, tries to school Carell, the chick who’s been dumped by his wife (Julianne Moore) in how to dress and pick up women. The rest of the movie was painful to watch. And it seemed to go on forever . . . and ever . . . and ever. Waaay tooo loooong.



Carell learns his wife has been cheating on him with her co-worker, Kevin Bacon. She divorces him, and he moves out. A sweet man, he can’t make it in the dating scene, until Goslin starts schooling him. And while that part is entertaining, even that has its stupid, low-brow moments. Carell’s face on Gosling’s naked crotch–haha, funny. No thanks.



After Carell is schooled by Gosling in the ways of the pick-up artist, the movie goes completely kaput with a mess of melodrama, screaming, crying, yelling, etc. It’s just stupid, and a waste of time, including the side stories about a young lawyer (Emma Stone) and a babysitter.



Believe me when I say, the trailer for this is far more entertaining than the movie. Remove the words, “crazy” and “love” from the title, and you have everything you need to know about this movie: Stupid.



TWO MARXES

* “Sarah’s Key [Elle S'appelait Sarah]“: This is a terrific movie. It’s part mystery thriller, part moving Holocaust movie, part detective sleuthing, and part drama. It spans a few generations and takes place both in Paris and New York. With parallel stories in the past and the present, it’s woven together like the plot of a great book. No surprise, since this is taken from the best-selling novel of the same name. I liked this movie because it explores the “innocent” French citizens who claimed not to know about the Holocaust but were tacitly complicit.



In contemporary Paris, an American journalist (Kristen Scott Thomas) married to a Frenchman is writing about French cooperation and complicity in the Holocaust and the rounding up of Paris’ Jews. As she investigates, she wonders about the apartment her in-laws have given her and her husband. It became available in 1942, and she wonders about the circumstances. Spliced into this story is the story of Sarah, a cute, young blonde girl whose family is Jewish and is rounded up by the Nazis. Sarah locks her little brother in a hidden compartment in the wall of their apartment, telling him not to come out, and that she will come back for him. Soon, Sarah is separated from her parents, who are sent to concentration camps. She sneaks out of the camp in an attempt to save her brother. We see what happens and what ends up of her life.



It’s tight and fast-moving. Never boring. You want to know what happens next. The movie is half in English and half in French with English subtitles. And the ending is very moving. Could have done without the one comment by a moronic character, comparing the Holocaust to Abu Ghraib and America in Iraq and Afghanistan. But, other than that, a great movie. Tight and well-orchestrated.



The message of the movie: we don’t always know who we really are. And when we find out the truth, we sometimes vehemently deny who we truly are. It’s sometimes shocking, sometimes sad. Sometimes, it’s a cause for joy because we are the product of survival.



FOUR REAGANS



* “A Little Help“: Another movie I absolutely hated. A total waste of time. Jenna Fischer plays a Long Island dental hygienist in 2002, who believes her husband is cheating on her. Something happens, throwing her life into chaos. And her young son lies to everyone using a phony 9/11 story that she backs him up on. Fischer has an annoying, overbearing sister, whose husband is secretly in love with Fischer.



Not sure what the point of this movie is . . . other than to waste your time and money. Hopefully, you’ll read this and save both. You were forewarned. This movie was totally worthless.



FOUR MARXES