Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post about some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to choosing good movies to watch yourself!

Wknd Box Office: Robocop, Endless Love, Winter’s Tale, Run & Jump

By Debbie Schlussel
There are literally THREE remakes of bad ’80s movies at the box office this weekend. Three–”Robocop,” “Endless Love,” and “About Last Night.” Why? Because lame Hollywood can’t come up with anything new or anything decent. So, they remake crap. I did not see “About Last Night,” which was a cheesy, crappy movie then, and is silly to remake now. It was about a guy and girl who sleep together after meeting at a bar and then have the awkwardness of whether they can have a relationship after that. Today, everyone is sleeping with each other at the drop of a hat, so the very light morality (and I use that word very loosely) of the 1986 original would be laughed at today.

* “Robocop“: I never liked the vastly overrated original 1987 anti-”Big Business” original version of this movie, starring Peter Weller. This remake is slightly (but only slightly) better insofar as the CEO is just a dishonest lout, whereas the one in the original was a coke-snorting, extremely sleazy, murderous, criminal lout. And the graphics and technology are better (and more unnecessarily graphic) than the original. I did not like the anti-drones (and pro-Muslim and Edward-Snowden-esque anti-NSA) theme and so on that was present in this version, but I did like the exploration of the disturbing “brave new world” territory we’ve entered in which robot and human are merged and where bad and unethical things can come of that. I could have done without the scenes in which “innocent” Iranian Muslims are harassed and “wrongly” killed by robots and so on. But the Black Bill O’Reilly played by Samuel L. Jackson is spot on. Jackson’s “Pat Novak” and “Novak Elements” show is actually too kind to bloviating Bill Falafel/Loofah O’Reilly.
If you’ve seen the original, you know the story: it’s the future (2028), Detroit is still crime-ridden, and a Detroit cop (Joel Kinnaman) is nearly murdered and left for dead by crooks. But what is left of him–primarily his brain–is brought back to life as a robot and a cop a/k/a “Robocop” by a company that builds robots and wants a contract to police Detroit and bring down crime. When Robocop starts patrolling the streets and taking justice into his own hands, crime goes down, and the people of the city are ecstatic. But soon Robocop is too effective, and the crooks and their partners in the corrupt police department want him stopped and put out of commission. The CEO of the robot company (a somewhat zaftig and aged Michael Keaton) is sleazy and lies about Robocop to his family, plus he interferes with Robocop’s brain and software. Gary Oldman plays a doctor who works with and develops Robocop. He’s always an excellent actor (one of my absolute faves) and definitely too good for this movie.
Like I said, it’s the same movie with better graphics and a few updates, but still a mostly liberal tone.
HALF A REAGAN



* “Endless Love“: More like, “Endless Movie,” as it went on and on and on. Or seemed to. I never saw the original 1981 version of this (starring Brooke Shields) from beginning to end, so I can’t compare, but what I did see was just stupid. And the same can be said for this. The movie is silly. And it has the typical stock evil White rich people characters in it. They are snobs in a way that doesn’t exist anywhere but in the movies anymore. The two lead actors in this movie are Brits playing Americans, but only one of them (Gabriella Wilde, a descendant of the British Royals, whose real name is Gabriella Zanna Vanessa Anstruther-Gough-Calthorpe) doesn’t let the English accent peek out.
The story: Alex Pettyfer plays a working class kid who’s had a longtime crush on his high school classmate, Jade Butterfield (Wilde), a waifish girl from a rich family. He finagles his way into her life and they fall in love. But he’s “from the wrong side of the tracks” and Jade’s father doesn’t like him because he’s poor and doesn’t plan to go to college. The father (Bruce Greenwood) has ambitions for her to take a medical internship, attend Brown University, and become a doctor. So the father meddles and attempts to push them apart. Aside from being cheesy and predictable, the movie is dated in a number of ways because, today, fewer and fewer men are attending college and grad school, and the majority of students are women. It’s become fashionable for men to be slackers with no ambition and for women to marry down to them. That’s feminism.
As I noted, Alex Pettyfer’s British accent repeatedly sneaks out. He’s not a bad actor, but the movie isn’t great. The only good thing about it (other than that it ends) is that it does not feature the annoying Lionel Richie/Diana Ross song of the same name that went with the 1981 original. Thank Heaven for small favors.
HALF A MARX



* “Winter’s Tale“: A horribly pretentious, boring, New Age attempt at a love story thriller. It fails miserably, despite using time travel, a magic, flying time-traveling horse, amnesia, the devil and angels, and other assorted devices thrown in to make a messy muddle. The confusing, disjointed story features a thief (Colin Farrell) who is an abandoned baby that came ashore in a toy boat in New York in the 1920s or 30s or something. His parents were deported and lowered him into the water in the toy boat. He was adopted and raised by a gangster boss (Russell Crowe), who also happens to be a demon (who answers to the devil Will Smith). Farrell crosses Crowe and escapes on a flying horse. Then, when robbing a house, he meets a very sick redheaded woman who has a strange illness that makes her very hot and makes the snow melt under her feet. They fall in love, but she dies. Then, suddenly he is in the future and has amnesia and discovers his role in life is to save a redheaded little girl who has cancer. Huh? Yup, that’s this movie.
And, believe me, I’m making it sound far better than it is. Also, throughout the movie, loud orchestral music constantly plays and some woman in an English accent says silly, pretentious things, like, “What if we were all 100 stars in the sky but we were meant to be 100 jellybeans?” Okay, she didn’t say exactly that, but pretty close. Huh? times a thousand.
ONE MARX



* “Run & Jump: A long, boring, pointless, pretentious waste of time about a medical researcher (Will Forte) who moves to the home of an Irish stroke victim, his wife, and family. The researcher is studying the behavior of the stroke victim, who goes a little nuts and becomes childlike. He cannot fulfill his duties as a father and husband and instead obsesses with talking to animals and carving wooden balls (he used to make furniture out of wood). The wife and kids fall for the researcher and try to make him part of their lives, but he resists at first. This movie was weird in addition to being a snoozer. Yuck.
TWO-AND-A-HALF MARXES

Wknd Box Office: Argo, Sinister, Here Comes the Boom, Seven Psychopaths

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last weekand THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!

Wknd Box Office: Argo, Sinister, Here Comes the Boom, Seven Psychopaths


By Debbie Schlussel



I liked three out of the four new movies debuting at theaters, this weekend.



* “Argo“:



Argo: Great Reminder of the Islamic Threat, Despite Affleck’s Anti-US “History” Lesson & Jimmy Carter’s Whining

By Debbie Schlussel



“Argo,” in theaters today, is a great movie sandwiched in between two bad far-leftist monologues. Director Ben Affleck tries to justify the Iranian revolution and the violent, deadly actions of Iranian Shi’ite Muslims supporting Ayatollah Khomeini at the beginning of this film. And he gives Jimmy Carter free reign to whine and take credit at the end. But despite Affleck’s best efforts at that, the movie is gold sandwiched between these two slices of crap. No matter what, it’s a great, unvarnished reminder of the Islamic threat that keeps repeating itself. And so I still recommend it.


The Real Tony Mendez (Right), Retired CIA Chief of Disguises & Fake Documents, Today @ Age 70



“Argo” is the story of the six Americans at the U.S. Embassy in Tehran, Iran, who escaped when Shi’ite Muslim followers of Ayatollah Khomeini overtook our embassy and held everyone inside hostage for 444 days. The six found refuge in the Canadian Ambassador’s residence (the English and the Australians, it should be noted, turned them away to what could have been the Americans’ deaths). The movie is a thriller detailing the mission by CIA agent and disguise and forgery expert Tony Mendez (played by Ben Affleck) to get them out and safely back to America. To rescue them, Mendez pretends he is a Canadian movie producer of a science fiction film, called “Argo.” He goes to Hollywood and recruits Jewish producer Lester Siegel (Alan Arkin) and “Planet of the Apes” make-up man John Chambers (John Goodman) to help him with his ruse, setting up an entire fictional production, complete with movie posters, actors doing read-throughs, and a studio office. I wondered why they recruited a Jewish guy, given that the Khomeini’ist Shi’ite Muslims (and all Sh’ite Muslims) hate Jews. I researched this, found no real-life producer named Lester Siegel, and learned that the character is a “composite” character and I wonder if the real producers involved were actually Jewish (I bet not). I also wondered why they featured scantily clad women on the movie posters and at read-throughs. And I was on to something as that issue of modesty comes up later in the movie, as you’ll see. And, finally, I wondered if the nail-biting, thrilling climax of the movie actually happened that way in real life. And, it turns out, my suspicions were correct–that’s the only part of the movie that isn’t true to what happened in reality. I enjoyed the movie, which is thrilling, well-told, and entertaining, BUT . . . and a big BUT it is.




Here’s the BUT: Sandwiched in between Howard-Zinn-fan director and star Ben Affleck’s anti-American “history” lesson about why the Iranian Shi’ite Muslim Khomeini freaks were right to hate America and and storm our embassy in Tehran at the beginning of this movie, and Jimmy Carter’s monologue whine about how he should have gotten the credit for the mission depicted in this movie, there was actually a great movie about a real life event. And, other than his America-hating history BS and one other “evil Americans” scene, the movie was clearly depicted as accurately as possible. The words, Muslim and Islam, however are predictably only mentioned during the diatribe at the beginning, in which a female narrator tells us how we destroyed Iran by deposing Mosaddegh and allegedly imposing the pro-American Shah or Iran. That ain’t exactly how it happened, but you know the drill. I don’t need Mr. Affleck’s chick voiceover artist to tell me that the Shah tortured people, when he did very little compared to the guys who took over from him. Oh, and he was an ally of the US and Israel, but who cares about that, right?



There are also a couple of news footage scenes (Affleck uses a lot of real footage and well-replicated scenes of actual scenes and events) of Americans kicking Iranian students in America. Frankly, Americans were far too kind to the few Iranians they attacked, and were very nice to most of them here. That’s despite the fact that thousands of Iranian students overstayed their visas here, became illegal aliens, and actively supported the Khomeini’ites. A former top INS official detailed how thousands of those Iranians protested in front of the White House and were arrested by the INS. And, yet, President Carter ordered that the Iranians be freed into the American abyss without ever being fingerprinted, identified, and/or booked. Affleck doesn’t show you that, either. (One thing I noticed missing: any mention of Ronald Reagan, who actually got the other hostages out.)



But once the actual story is told, Ben Affleck’s politically correct fantasy of Iran and Shi’ism cannot overcome the reality of what Muslims did to our embassy and our people. And he tells that story accurately and well, something that I must recognize in this review. Yesterday, I spoke with my friend, Kevin Hermening, who was the youngest of the American hostages taken by the Shi’ite Muslims for 444 days. I asked him about several of the scenes I saw, and he confirmed their veracity. I’ll be posting separately, later today, about my interview with Kevin. A U.S. Marine stationed at the embassy, Kevin will be seeing the movie in about a week and says he will call me with his detailed review, which I’ll try to post here. Kevin confirmed to me an important scene in the movie. The Iranian Muslims are shown taking the U.S. hostages in the embassy in blindfolds to a room where shooters are lined up in front of them. They all thought they were going to die. The shooters begin shooting, but the guns are not loaded. Kevin told me that’s exactly how it happened, and that, unlike in the movie, every single hostage was lined up for this mock execution they all thought was real.



Back to the six who escaped to the Canadian Ambassador’s compound. They are not the most likable bunch in the movie. They’re shown as whiny liberals, some of whom side with the Khomeini Shi’ite revolutionaries and think America should release the Shah to the Muslims to be tried and executed. Not all of them even wanted to leave the U.S. Embassy, believing the Muslims wouldn’t really take over and harm them. When Mendez comes to rescue them, they are stubborn and don’t want to be rescued. They’d rather risk their lives in Iran, despite the fact that the Canadian Ambassador must leave and will have to abandon them to the wolves. You get the idea that this is exactly how State Department far-left liberals who seek out posts in Muslim countries behave and act. (And you wonder if these people were worth rescuing if this is really what they were like.)



It’s a harrowing mission for Mendez, and the movie depicts the bureaucratic idiocy that is the CIA and how the Carter Administration wouldn’t even sign off on the mission until the last minute when it was forced to do so or face American deaths and bad PR. The movie is also funny at times and gets the stylistic stuff right: eyeglasses, ties, lapels, and men’s hair–all of them on the big side. (One thing I think many moviegoers will not get: the term “exfil” is used a lot in the movie, without anyone ever saying it’s short for “exfiltration.”)



Given all of this, Ben Affleck’s exercise in America-hating at the beginning and his open mic to Jimmy Carter to whine about “me, me, me” didn’t affect the unintended message of the movie: that the Shi’ite Muslims of Iran are brutal, evil people who hate Americans. Yes, there is the typical “good Muslim”–a housekeeper. But make no mistake: Muslims will not like this movie. I do.



The best part of the movie is when the plane clears Iranian airspace and an announcement on the plane’s intercom announces that alcohol is served.



Learn more about the real life Tony Mendez and his amazing, heroic mission. And make sure you stay through the credits to see how lifelike and real Affleck made everything–he shows many pics of the real people and places and the ones in the movie. You will have to plug your ears though. Or you’ll hear good ‘ole Jimmuh.



THREE REAGANS (Would be FOUR But for Ben Affleck’s Anti-US History Lesson & Billy Carter’s Bro’s Whining)



* “Sinister“: I’ve seen so many scary, creepy, violent, graphic movies that I’ve, unfortunately, become somewhat desensitized to this stuff. I rarely get scared by a horror movie anymore, and usually laugh at the obvious attempts by most of these movies to scare audiences with cheap stunts. But I found this movie very scary, very suspenseful, and even though I saw it at last night’s Midnight show so I could review it for you (the screening was on the Jewish holidays, so I had to miss it), I was awake and riveted the whole time, until the ending (the “whodunit” was a silly letdown). It’s a very, very creepy movie. On the other hand, it’s very bloody and the graphic violence depicted in it isn’t scary, just disturbing and unnecessary. It takes away from the movie.




Ethan Hawke plays a once successful true crime writer. He has one very successful book, and the rest were duds, with one getting it wrong and clearing an actual murderer. Now, he is broke and trying to write his next hit to get himself and his family out from under water. (Ironically, in Hawke’s last movie, which I reviewed on this site, this past summer, Hawke also plays a once successful writer with one very successful book, who is broke and trying to write his next big hit to get himself out from under water. But that’s where the similarities in the two movies end.) Hawke has moved his family into a home where a horrific murder took place–the murder which is the subject of the book on which he’s working. The entire family was hung from a tree, except the youngest daughter, who remains missing. The crime was never solved, and Hawke’s family does not know they are living at the scene of the crime. When they move in, Hawke finds a box of Super 8 home movies of the family . . . and of the murders. It spooks and disturbs him. Soon, strange things begin happening, scary noises and odd events occur. He’s finding connections between the murder and others in the past that took place. And his obsession with the story of the murders and writing the book keeps Hawke from doing the right thing and leaving immediately. He’s a selfish guy, a user, and self-absorbed to the max.



To tell you more would be to reveal some spoilers. But rest assured that it’s very, very creepy and chilling. Still, as I said, I’m bothered by the graphic violence, which serves no purpose but to desensitize people to violence and give evil people evil ideas. And it’s a crutch–a sign of a weak horror movie, as the best in the genre use the psychological to scare their audiences, as this film does in its scariest moments. Just like the title of this movie, whoever dreamed up the violence is sinister.



I’m torn as to what rating to give this. As a scary movie, it succeeds in psychological creepiness, thrills, and chills, and would get at least TWO REAGANS. But since it is far too filled with graphic violence, that negates much of what is good about it, and I can only give it (and I’m being generous) . . .



HALF A REAGAN



* “Here Comes the Boom“: If you’ve seen any of Kevin James’ other movies, such as “Paul Blart, Mall Cop” (read my review), you know what you’re getting here. It’s a light, funny, entertaining movie that is fun to take your whole family to (although there is some Mixed Martial Arts violence and a funny but disgusting vomiting scene). Yes, it’s predictable and has the less-than-believable happy ending. Yes, it’s really a light version of the far superior, “Warrior” (read my review). But it’s upbeat, positive, and an escapist nearly two hours of Rocky lite using a Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) setting.  If you like MMA, you will like this.  But if you don’t, you will still probably like this.



The story: James plays a stereotypical public school biology teacher. He comes late to class, doesn’t care, and tells his students that nothing they learn in his class will be relevant to their lives, so there’s no point in learning it. But by opening his big mouth and promising the nearly impossible to impress the school nurse he wants to date (Salma Hayek), James finds himself in a situation in which he quickly matures and lives up to his responsibilities.



A music teacher (Henry Winkler) learns his job will be cut, just after he’s found out his 48-year-old wife is expecting a baby. He can’t afford to lose his job, and James promises that he will raise the money to save Winkler’s job and the school music program. But he’s unsure how to do it and desperate to impress the school nurse. First, he returns to teaching citizenship test classes for immigrants. One of them wants extra tutoring, and when he comes to the student’s apartment, he learns the student was a Mixed Martial Arts champion in Holland, and that there’s money in it, even if you’re the loser. James, who was a college wrestler back in the day, decides to go for it. He’s too old and out of shape, but he trains and keeps trying. And you know the ending.



Enjoyable, and you’ll laugh a lot. I did. It’s very cute and kind of patriotic, too. If you don’t like POD’s song, “Boom,” bring ear plugs. It’s in the movie a lot, as the title of this movie would indicate.



TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS



* “Seven Psychopaths“: This movie began with an interesting premise and could have been entertaining, but it degraded into a violent, bloody waste of time. Oh, and there’s even anti-American crap in it. Yay. Colin Farrrell is a Hollywood screenwriter trying to come up with an idea for a new script. He has two friends (Sam Rockwell and Christopher Walken) who are dognappers. They kidnap dogs for a living, then return the dogs to their owners in return for cash rewards. Farrell comes up with an idea for a script about psychopathic killers, “The Seven Psychopaths,” for which he gets a lot of material as told to him by his friend, Rockwell. While this is going on, Rockwell and Walker unwittingly kidnapped the dog of psychopathic mobster Woody Harrelson, who wants his dog back and is on to them. At the same time, there are a number of killings which inspire Farrell. They are real life killings by a mysterious serial killer who only murders mobsters and gangsters.



Did I mention that one of the killers Farrell comes up with for his script is a killer of American soldiers? His goal is to murder them because his family was murdered by Americans during the My Lai Massacre during the Vietnam War. He wears a bomb vest and blows up a gathering of military veterans because, after all, they deserve it, right? Disgusting. What actually happened at My Lai is one of the most distorted, misreported, exaggerated events during the Vietnam War–a political Trojan horse used often in anti-American propaganda, particularly lies about the Vietnam War.



I could go on and on about the myriad plot twists and connections in the movie, but why bother? They don’t make it interesting. This movie’s just a depraved, stupid, gratuitously violent waste of time you’d best skip.



If I can say one good thing, it’s that I got a cool “freebie” from it: Sam Rockwell’s character wears a cute knit hat with a dog’s face and ears on it. And I now own one, too, thanks to the studio. Thanks, but I still hated the movie.



THREE-AND-A-HALF MARXES

Wknd Box Office: Total Recall, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days, Ruby Sparks

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last weekand THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!




Wknd Box Office: Total Recall, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days, Ruby Sparks

By Debbie Schlussel



I didn’t hate any of the new movie releases, this weekend. And I really liked two of them. I’ll start with the one I liked least and in which I was most interested.



* “Total Recall“: Uggh! They took a perfectly campy, funny, cool 1990 movie and removed all of its campiness, fun, humor, and coolness–turning it into a long, slow bore overstuffed with excessive, non-stop vomit of action and special effects. What was interesting and unique in the original has been removed, and the movie has been turned into a dark, serious, paint-by-the-numbers, formulaic action film. Yuck. The storyline is very similar, but it feels more like a cheap knock-off of the original, far superior “Total Recall,” and it is. There was absolutely no reason to remake it, except to replace all the roles that used to be played by White men and women with Asians and Blacks and to get rid of the cool, smart-alecky Black cab driver from the original. Do yourself a favor and rent the original before you see this (even if you’ve already seen the original before). You’ll see how much of a disappointment this cubic zirconium version is, when the real thing is fresh in your mind.



There is no Mars in this one, there are no holographic cab drivers (or any cab drivers at all), and there’s no mutant Mars brothel with all kinds of strange-looking prostitutes, including the woman with the three breasts. Oh, sure, the tri-breasted woman is in this one, too, but merely injected to get hormonal teen and twenty-something guys to buy a ticket, without explanation, as an Asian prostitute. In the original, she was a Mars mutant, thus the deformity. Gone from this version are the best lines and the best scenes. There is no scene in which Quaid–then played by Arnold Schwarzenegger–shoots his fake wife, Sharon Stone, in the head and says, “Consider that a divorce.” (See the video clip of that, below.) The scene at Rekal (in the new movie it’s spelled with two Ls, as “Rekall”)–the fake-memory implantation company– is devoid of all of the quirky dialogue. In the original, Quaid picks his ideal fantasy woman, and is asked “Do you want her to be classy or sleazy?” (he picks sleazy) and whether he wants her breasts to be large or small (he picks large). There is no rebel leader named Kwato–the wise, talking baby protruding from the stomach of one of the rebels.



This Scene From the Original Is NOT in the “Total Recall” Remake . . .





Instead, the movie and the story have been sterilized of all oddities and strangeness (other than the tri-chesticles) that made the original movie different. And now that it officially stinks, the filmmakers are insisting it’s not a remake. Make no mistake–it’s definitely a remake. Just a very poor one.





As much as I loathe crotchwoman Sharon Stone, she was excellent in the original as Quaid’s double-agent wife, far better than Kate Beckinsale, whose hubby, Len Wiseman, directed this cheap replica and cast her in the role. Beckinsale quickly becomes tiresome (doing the same thing over and over again), while in the original, the wife was killed off early on–just the right time. Jessica Biel’s freedom fighter rebel is no match for Rachel Ticotin’s hooker-as-rebel-liaison, which was more edgy. And with all due respect to Colin Farrell, he just can’t fill the shoes of Arnold Schwarzenegger on this one, as much as I loathe the ex-Governator. The role was really written for him and his out of place Austrian accent and cyborg-like appearance. Farrell’s faux-American accent makes it dull.



In the original, scenes from Mars’ underworld and seedy nightlife were the frequent stand-by setting. It was creepy, and that’s where the rebels hid in plain sight. But in this movie, there are frequent cuts back to a cheap futuristic Chinatown set that looks ripped off from the set of “Blade Runner,” another movie based on a Philip K. Dick work. Let’s hope they don’t remake (and ruin) that movie, too.



Instead of Mars, the setting for this is “the colony,” which is some sort of post-utopian version of America where workers are being replaced by synthetic soldiers and workers (robots) by the colonizing masters in the United Federation of Britain (UFB). As in the original, Quaid (Farrell) keeps dreaming that he’s elsewhere with a brunette woman whom he tries to save from falling to her death. He wakes up to another woman, who is his wife (Beckinsale). Also like the original, he is a working-class man who goes to Rekall, a memory implantation company, which implants false memories in your mind of vacations and adventures you want to experience but don’t have the opportunity to experience in real life. And like in the original, something goes wrong, Quaid discovers that his wife isn’t who he thinks she is and he’s not who he thinks he is. And as in the original, rebels are at war with the establishment government. And so on. If you haven’t seen the original, I don’t want to give too much more away than I already have. But it’s basically the same storyline. The original had sort of an Occupy Wall Street vibe to it. It’s been amped up in this one but meant to also resemble a post-futuristic Boston Tea Party.



Also, this version is only rated PG-13, despite the fact that every other word is the S-word and there’s the three-breasted nude woman. The original was rated R.



While this movie would be fine on its own (had it not been a cheap remake of a much better original that didn’t need remaking), as a remake 22 years later, it simply isn’t better or worth $10 to pay to see computer-generated images superimposed non-stop on what was fine as is, circa 1990.



It’s not that the movie is absolutely horrid. It’s okay. It’s just unnecessary and a tawdry shadow of something that was better. Who needs ground beef when you can have fine, dry-aged prime rib?



ONE REAGAN PLUS TWO O.J. SIMPSON FAKE ROLEX WATCHES (for Cheap Replica)




* “Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days“: Absolutely hilarious, and terrific for kids and the whole family! This is the third “Wimpy Kid” cinematic installment, and I like this one the best (read my reviews of the first and second “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” movies). And like the second one, it’s very funny, fast-paced, and entertaining. This is what a good kids’ movie is supposed to be like (even if it was a little gross–that’s what little boys like, and little girls will like this, too). And it ends up showing a positive father-son relationship in an intact nuclear family, something you hardly ever see anymore in any entertainment media. Kids might not get some of the jokes–such as a great one involving a Civil War re-enactment, but I suspect those jokes are in there for the adult parents who accompany their kids to the movie. I laughed a lot during this movie.



It’s the end of the school year, and the “Wimpy Kid,” Greg Heffley (Zachary Gordon), still has his eyes on the pretty girl he met in the last installment. But you needn’t have seen any of the previous “Wimpy Kid” movies to know what’s going on here. Greg is invited to the country club by his best friend, Rowley, where he sees the girl. Because he wants to hang out with her and catch her eye, Greg lies to his parents and tells them he’s gotten a summer job at the club. And, then, whatever can go wrong ultimately does. It’s the same situation when Greg goes with Rowley and his family for a weekend at their house near the boardwalk. And during a camping trip in a Boy Scout-esque explorers group, in which Greg’s dad is an assistant troop master. Then, there is the fact that Greg’s family just got a new dog, that Greg’s dad feels competitive with their “perfect” neighbors, and Greg’s older brother, who is still terrorizing and extorting/blackmailing him.



The movie is clearly aimed at kids. If you have young kids, this is the movie to take them to see, especially if you want to be entertained, too.



THREE REAGANS



* “Ruby Sparks“: This is sort of a hipster/slacker, self-absorbed version of “The Twilight Zone.” I found it charming and entertaining to a point, even if I do not care for the whole hipster ethos. It’s written by and stars Zoe Kazan, granddaughter of famed Hollywood director, Elia Kazan. It also stars her real-life boyfriend, Paul Dano.



Dano plays a former child prodigy author, who is still living off of his hit “Catcher in the Rye”-esque novel, written about a decade or more ago, when he was in his late teens. Now a hipster slacker living in a fancy, modern Los Angeles-area condo, he continues to feel like a loser because he cannot write anything else and cannot live up to that first novel. But soon he begins writing about a woman he’s dreamed of, Ruby Sparks (Kazan). And he becomes obsessed with her, typing day and night on his typewriter (he does not use a computer). Before long, she suddenly comes to life in his apartment and they are lovers, just as in his book. While Dano is shocked, his brother (Chris Messina) is even more surprised. They take Ruby to meet their preppy-turned-hippie mother (Annette Benning) and her second husband (Antonio Banderas). Dano learns he can make Ruby do whatever he wishes, if he only types it that way. But manipulating people you love to do as you wish has its price.



TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS

Wknd Box Office: Conan the Barbarian, Fright Night, One Day, The Guard, Point Blank

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/  reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last week and  THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed!  This all  follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!


Wknd Box Office: Conan the Barbarian, Fright Night, One Day, The Guard, Point Blank


By Debbie Schlussel



It’s mid-August, the pet cemetery to which Hollywood studios send all of the worst movies to die a quick death. So, it’s no surprise that the best new movies, this weekend, are a remake of an ’80s vampire flick and a French action thriller arthouse movie. “Spy Kids: All the Time in the World in 4D” was not screened for critics.















“Conan the Barbarian“: Absolutely awful. Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn’t have much to worry about with regard to Jason Momoa (best known for his role on “Baywatch Hawaii”) replacing him as undefeated Conan. This movie was long, boring, pointless, confusing, stupid, and extremely bloody and violent for no reason. A more apt title is “Pirates of the I Don’t Care-ibbean,” since it has scenes with pirates and water. I so badly wanted to walk out on this movie throughout, but had to stay in order to review it. 1.5 hours of life I’ll never get back. Thanks, Hollywood.



The original Conan movie, starring Schwarzenegger, was known to be very violent for its time, but it’s a G-rating compared to this slaughter-fest and bloodletting. Think, “Saw: The Ancient Times.”



Conan, the son of Ron “The Jewish Barbarian” Perlman, watches his father get murdered by a rival tribe seeking the last piece of a powerful, magical mask. With the mask in hand, the evil king of the tribe needs the blood of a monk (oddly, a female who has sex with Conan–I thought monks were dudes who are celibate) in order to obtain the masks power. Conan tries to save the monk-ette, sleeps with her, and ultimately, she is captured by the rival king and his evil daughter. The evil daughter wears platform boots a la Lady Gaga. Who knew bizarro designers from the “Born This Way” tour were around back in the Barbarian age?



Like I said, so stupid, so pointless, so . . . well, just avoid it at all cost. It stank. The movie is 3D for no apparent valid reason.



FOUR MARXES




* “Fright Night“: This is a remake of the 1985 movie of the same name. I did not see the original, but I understand the story is similar. And the movie, while not a great movie, is entertaining and enjoyable in a cheesy/campy way.



Real-life Russian Jewish immigrant Anton Yelchin plays an average high-school teen-age boy in the Nevada suburbs. He’s one of the popular kids and has a cute, blonde girlfriend. His former childhood best friend is now one of the unpopular kids and warns him that his new next door neighbor, Colin Farrell, is a vampire and kills people. Yelchin doesn’t believe him, until he suddenly finds neighbors and fellow students missing and puts two and two together.



While not a masterpiece, it’s fine and somewhat fun. Despite graphic violence, blood, and language issues, it’s aimed at teens and 20-somethings, but if you’re a little older, you still might find it okay. People I know who’ve seen the original liked that one better.



Colin Farrell is good as a vampire (I always thought he looked like one, anyway), and I enjoyed the Vegas magician/phony vampire slayer character, too. This is in 3D.



ONE REAGAN





* “One Day“: This lifelong romance movie is boring, dull, stilted, and lacks spark. It’s a chick flick and is heavily weighed down by the annoying Anne Hatha-Neigh, er . . . Hathaway and her absolutely horrid fake English accent. She and Jim Sturgess play star-crossed lovers who spend the night together when they are graduating college. Thereafter, we see them over the years on the same date, June 15th–which is a British holiday or something. Sometimes they are together, sometimes not. Sometimes, he is pining for her, sometimes she for him–but never at the same time. It’s predictable. You know what happens. But you won’t care, nor will I. Seemed like five hours long. Hated both these people and couldn’t have cared less whether or not they finally got together. Will you care? Not likely. And the point of this movie was? Not sure. Again, don’t care. Save your ten bucks.



TWO MARXES





* “The Guard“: This is a cop buddy movie, but not your typical cop buddy movie. It was a little over the top and not my kind of movie, but it might be yours. Brendan Gleeson is an Irish cop who likes hookers, booze, and drugs. An FBI agent, Don Cheadle, comes to Ireland to investigate and bust an international drug smuggling ring run by local Irish gangsters. At first, they do not get along, but they grow to like each other. The movie is mostly about them, not the investigation (though there is some of that). This was kind of slow for me, and not that funny for a movie that’s supposed to be something of a comedy.



ONE-HALF MARX






* “Point Blank [A Bout Portant]“: This is a French thriller with English-language subtitles. It’s fun, fast, and a thriller involving criminals, corrupt cops, a male nurse, and his pregnant wife. It has non-stop action, car chases, and goes by very fast.



The story: a male nurse in training catches a man trying to kill a patient. After returning home to tell his pregnant wife what a hero he is, he finds an intruder who beats him and kidnaps his wife. He’s told via cellphone that if he ever wants to see his wife again, he must help free the man in the hospital–the patient another man had tried to kill. The man, it turns out, is a wanted criminal. The nurse does as he is told, but doesn’t exactly get his wife back. Instead, he and the criminal patient he’s just freed are framed for the murder of a high-ranking police detective. He spends the movie trying to find his wife and save her, while fending off corrupt cops and the honest ones who believe he committed murder.



Enjoyable, quick, entertaining, thriller.



TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS

Weekend Box Office: “Horrible Bosses”

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/  reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last week and  THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed!  This all  follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!




Weekend Box Office: “Horrible Bosses”

By Debbie Schlussel



Most of the critics are raving about “Horrible Bosses,” the guy buddy comedy which debuts in theaters today. But I’m not. Forget the word “Bosses” in this movie’s title, and you get my review: “Horrible.” (I did not see “The Zookeeper,” but I heard it stinks.)







While, yes, there were some laughs, I mostly didn’t find it that funny. Instead it was mean, filthy, and just thin. It’s yet another movie in the Judd Apatow mold, meant for and aimed at 20-something frat boys and 30-something slacker boys who haven’t grown up. I found last summer’s evil boss/eager employee movie,”Dinner for Schmucks” (read my review and read the New York Times article quoting me about the movie), far more charming and funny.



This movie was just cold to me and kind of clunky. Sterile, yet filled with so much filth and class warfare. Yes, especially in these hard times where you have a choice between a bad boss or no job, many people fantasize about doing all kinds of things to their bosses. But few bosses are as bad as the ones in this movie. And it looked like a United Workers of the World fantasy that eventually goes bad, not a comedy for escape from my real life and yours.



And I could have done without “Horrible Bosses’” mocking of my religion and religious observances. When a sexually harassing dentist (Jennifer Aniston) squirts her male hygienist’s groin with water, she says, “Shabbat Shalom. Somebody’s circumcised.” Shabbat Shalom is the greeting I and my fellow Jews use to wish each other a good Sabbath, the observance of which is the key religious observance in Judaism. Can you imagine if Hollywood had the gall to say, “Happy Ramadan. Somebody’s circumcised.” Or “Alhamdillullah [praise allah], somebody’s circumcised”? It would never happen. And if it did, the filmmakers would already be negotiating with HAMAS’ CAIR Action Network to provide sensitivity training workshops and a buttload of cash and t-shirts.



If there was one high point in the movie, it’s that it shows the sexual harassment situation in the workplace as one between a harassing female boss (Aniston) as the aggressor and her male employee as the victim. Yes, women can be pigs, too, and don’t ever forget it, despite what the left (and now the right) says. But that’s been done before, and far more effectively and accurately in the 1994 movie “Disclosure,” starring Demi Moore and Michael Douglas.



Another high point in the movie is Jamie Foxx. As much as I don’t like the guy and his pro-Muslim statements (his real-life father was Muslim), he played his role as “murder consultant” and financial scammer well against three silly, gullible White guys looking to kill their bosses.



The story: three guys who are buddies have horrible bosses. A dental hygienist (Charlie Day) has a nymphomaniac dentist (Aniston) as his boss. She insists he have sex with her, but he is engaged and doesn’t want to. Yet, he cannot leave his job because as a sex offender (he is on the list for urinating on a playground at night), no one else will hire him. Another guy (Jason Bateman) is angry at his evil boss (Kevin Spacey) who denied Bateman a long-promised promotion and took the title and salary for himself. And, finally, there’s Jason Sudeikis who worked for a wonderful boss (Donald Sutherland), who suddenly dies. The new boss, his son (Colin Farrell) is a cokehead creep with a combover, who forces him to fire a guy in a wheelchair and fat employees. The three of them decide to combine forces to kill their bosses. But, as with any wannabe comedy, they can’t exactly carry it out correctly. They, instead, screw things up and “hijinks” (or something) ensue.



And it’s not just that the movie is filthy that made me hate it. I’m no prude and like comedies like “The Wedding Crashers.” I just hated this. There just wasn’t enough humor or anything else to cut the bite.



Like I said, a few laughs here, but not too many. And this was instead a cold, raunchy disappointment. Thought I’d like this. But I just didn’t.



ONE-AND-A-HALF MARXES