Midweek Box Office: Django Unchained, Les Miserables, Parental Guidance

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post about some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!

Midweek Box Office: Django Unchained, Les Miserables, Parental Guidance


By Debbie Schlussel



Sorry I didn’t post my reviews of the new movies out Christmas Day, but I wasn’t feeling well and needed a brief break. This is supposed to be the time of year when Hollywood puts out its best stuff. No such luck. Not even close. It’s just dreck. I can’t recommend any of the new movies that debuted in theaters yesterday, and here’s why:



* “Django Unchained“: This movie is a three-hour-long anti-White racism-fest. Yes, slavery happened in America, and the slaves were Blacks who were enslaved by Whites (and some other Blacks). But there were also some good White people, abolitionists who worked for the freedom of slaves. And, yet, not a single White American in this movie is a good person. All of them, with the exception of a German immigrant dentist/bounty hunter, are evil (and stupid). And you know why director Quentin Tarantino made the one good guy a German, don’t you? Because four score (the movie takes place in 1858) years later, the Germans were the Nazis we fought, the Nazis who enslaved the Jews. You’ve probably heard about Jamie Foxx bragging on “Saturday Night Live” that he gets to kill White people in this movie and gets paid for it. But that’s not news, since he utters the same line in the movie and that line is in many of the trailers promoting it.



And, since this is a Tarantino flick, it goes without saying that the movie is extremely bloody, gory, and violent–perhaps more than the other Tarantino movies. If Tarantino really wanted to do a good western, he wouldn’t have done this. Instead, he wanted to do a tribute to the Obama fans of the world and pile on everyone else, somehow justifying the non-stop affirmative action, minority set-asides, and other race-based favoritism in America. He also wanted to give the hip-hop, single-mother, welfare-addicted, drug-using segment of our society something to feel good about . . . that they are better than the White “crackers,” who “did this” to them. But, in fact, most Whites in America today, don’t come from that stock. For example, my ancestors were busy being raped and tortured in pogroms by anti-Semitic Poles in Europe at the time. They had nothing to do with slavery or what happened then. So, this movie, as a justification for all the Black racism against White people and all the legs up the government gives minorities, just doesn’t work for me. The “Get Whitey” ethos of this movie isn’t what we need more of. We need far less. And, as you may have read, it’s full of the N-word, though I expected that, since it does take place at the time of slavery in the South.



The story: a German immigrant dentist/bounty hunter (Christoph Waltz) travels the country rounding up criminals, dead or alive, for the bounty. In the course of that, he looks for, finds, and frees a Black slave known as Django (Jamie Foxx). Together, they partner up in the bounty hunter business, while they look for Django’s wife, Broomhilda (Kerry Washington), a German-speaking slave who was once owned by a German family. They find and try to buy her freedom from a haughty but not-too-wise plantation owner (Leonardo DiCaprio a/k/a DiCrapio). Along the way, they also meet another plantation owner, who is also haughty but not-too-wise, played by Don Johnson (yup, that Don Johnson of “Miami Vice” fame; Tom Wopat from “The Dukes of Hazzard” also co-stars). They also meet up with many small town residents and cowboys, all of whom are racist. Oh, and did I mention that White people are racist? In case you didn’t get that, there are scenes, such as DiCaprio and his other slave-owning friends and associates holding and watching a private mandingo death match between slaves as entertainment. Yeah, you see what those crackaz did in 1858? So, we deserve our Obamaphone and then some!



I would be lying if I didn’t say that there are some mildly entertaining and funny moments amid the race-baiting. But that doesn’t justify it, and mostly the movie is long, slow, and boring, between brutal, graphic killings, that is. Like I said, the movie is extremely bloody and violent, and extremely racist. And it’s not necessary at this time, unless of course, it’s to provide more justification for the re-election of Barack Obama, the ever growing ranks of American food stamp and welfare recipients, and the disintegration of urban America. You know datz right.



If you do go to see this race-baiting cinematic screed, don’t drink anything beforehand. It’s nearly three hours, and you’ll need a pretty strong bladder (and a lot of patience). I like a good spaghetti Western. This ain’t it.



FOUR MARXES PLUS AN AL SHARPTON PLUS A JESSE JACKSON


* “Les Miserables“: Miserable definitely describes my mood sitting through this nearly three-hour exercise in bad singing and an even more atrocious story. For years, I’ve heard every female relative I know and many of my friends rave over the Broadway musical upon which this is based. And, now, that I’ve seen it, I wonder, is that all there is? I have to say the fans of Les Mis vastly overrate utter garbage. What’s to rave about? An abandoned mother (Anne Hatha-neigh, er . . . Hathaway) toils in a factory to pay for her daughter who is being kept by evil, sleazy inn owners (Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter). When she’s fired from the factory, the mother becomes a prostitute and gets sick and dies. Then, the man who fired her, a former prisoner and lawbreaker (Hugh Jackman)–he was imprisoned for 17 years for stealing a piece of bread for his sister to eat–feels bad, so he gets her young daughter and raises her. But he is forever in hiding and escaping from a lawman (Russell Crowe). Oh, and he dies on the daughter’s wedding day. And this horrid tragedy is somehow a “great” musical? Oy.



I found this to be long, slow, and very boring. I couldn’t wait to go to the bathroom, as it’s waaaaay tooooo looooong. Also, while Hathaway has a great singing voice, the same cannot be said for the men, who sound horrible. It sounded like someone was beheading sheep. Not only can’t Russell Crowe sing, it’s almost as painful to hear Hugh Jackman, who supposedly was a great singer on Broadway and in his native Australia. Maybe something happened to his vocal cords since he began playing Wolverine in the X-Men movies?



I’m also shocked at all the parents who would take their kids to see such tragic, lascivious stuff with scenes of prostitutes and sex for money and so on. But maybe I shouldn’t be, since a porn star (Kim Kardashian) is the heroine for kids these days. Sad.



Don’t believe the hype over this flick. It’s a pointless bore, set to music and songs most memorable when they are the butt of “Seinfeld” jokes (“Master of the House”).



TWO MARXES




* “Parental Guidance“: this extremely stupid, utterly cliched, unfunny “comedy” makes it official: Billy Crystal and Bette Midler are soooo over. This is the best they could do? Sadly, yes. Sorry, but dumb bathroom humor “jokes,” such as a kid calling his grandfather, “Fartie,” fall flat. Not funny.



The story: Marisa Tomei and Tom Everett Scott play pretentious, left-wing, New Age parents. When, at the last minute, Tomei gets a chance to go on a vacation with her husband, they reluctantly call her parents (Crystal and Midler) to babysit. Tomei doesn’t like them much or want to entrust them with her kids because Crystal and Midler are traditional, normal grandparents who don’t engage in the New Age silliness. That was the good part of this movie–showing how ridiculous the “never say no,” “no winners, no losers” and “no good, no bad” childcare philosophies of left-wingers are (but that wasn’t enough to save the movie or make it worth seeing). Crystal is aghast when, attending his grandson’s Little League baseball game, he learns that there are “no strike-outs” because kids are allowed to swing until they score a hit. And there are no scores either, as there are no “winners” and “losers.” He is not allowed to discipline his grandkids or criticize them, and is told, instead, to tell them to “think about your words.” Ridiculous, along with the kids’ ridiculous names, “Harper,” “Turner,” and “Barker.”



You can probably guess what happens, because this movie is all too predictable. Not worth 2 hours or ten bucks. Sorry. A great statement on the BS of today’s upper middle class American parents, just not a great movie. Not even remotely so.



HALF A REAGAN

“The Dark Knight Rises”: Good, Not Great Superhero Flick; Way Tooo Loooong

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post reviewing a book that came out over the summer and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!

“The Dark Knight Rises”: Good, Not Great Superhero Flick; Way Tooo Loooong


By Debbie Schlussel



I have mixed feelings about “The Dark Knight Rises,” the latest installment in the Batman movies, which debuts in theaters at Midnight, tonight. Overall, I liked it. I especially loved the ending (and there are sort of two endings). But why did I have to sit in my seat for nearly three hours of repetition and sullenness to get there? The movie clocks in at 164 minutes (2hours and 44 minutes), and it feels like it. At the critics’ screening I attended, a bulb burnt out and we had a brief bathroom break intermission, which this movie badly needs, though not as badly as editing and cutting. Plus, at times, I needed a translator to understand some of the muffled English peppered with a British accent. And that’s not to mention the muddled Occupy Wall Street message, which is at once vilified, but also glorified. (My fellow Detroit movie critic Tom Long calls it, “Occupy Batman.”)









Christian Bale and Gary Oldman are two of my favorite actors, and that makes the movie likeable, as with every movie they grace. And there are other likeable aspects, such as the new addition of Joseph Gordon-Levitt, as a smart beat cop who was raised at a Gotham City orphanage and knows something big and bad is going on when others don’t notice or, worse, dismiss his worries. Also, as much as I usually don’t like her, Anne Hathaway as Catwoman (who is never called that in the movie, but wears her leather get-up) is good in this role. Still, the movie was far too long, had too much going on, and was at times very confusing. An hour could have been cut from it, the script tightened, and it would have been much better. And they could have cut out a few characters. There were repetitive scenes: of how sad, brooding, and hermit-like Bruce Wayne had become, of how brutal it became in an underground prison pit where he ends up, and the like. There is also poor attention to detail. Most of Gotham’s cops are trapped in tunnels under the city for more than three months. And yet when they come out there is barely a day’s stubble on their faces. Doesn’t make sense, nor do other plot details.



The story takes place eight years after the last movie (which debuted four years ago). Bruce Wayne (Bale) is now a wounded misanthrope, who lives like a Hermit in the top floor of his mansion. His company is almost broke because it doesn’t make anything anymore, since he’s not there to attend to it. The only thing in which he’s involved is an attempt at clean energy mechanisms, in which a wealthy woman (9/11 Truther Marion Cotillard) has invested. Also, Batman is seen as a bad guy around Gotham and thought of as the murderer of Harvey Dent, because the world doesn’t know the real story of what became of Dent. The demogogic Gotham mayor takes full advantage of this and denounces Batman. But Gotham is calm and doing well because new laws have created law and order.











But, soon, an evil villain, Bane, escapes from custody and, through his strength and power, grows an army of bad guys in the Gotham sewers and tunnels. They take over the stock market and assume control of assets, ultimately obtaining a nuclear bomb from inside Wayne industries, which they use to blackmail all of Gotham into fear. Bane is Occupy Wall Street on steroids and exemplary of the type of terrorist ethos and tactics practiced by the real Occupy crowd. There are some spectacular terrorist explosions he and his men perpetrate in order to instill fear in Gotham. And since Gotham is superhero speak for New York City (and looks exactly like it), it’s kind of scary because it reminds us of the 9/11 attacks and gives pointers on more things the terrorists might do the next time they try. Islamic terrorists would have been more realistic enemies in this movie for that and other reasons. It’s never explained why Bane uses Occupy speak–decrying the wealth being held by a few while the masses go without, and yet, he keeps the power and never gives the wealth to anybody else. What is his motive? Why must Gotham be destroyed in his view? It’s kinda, sorta explained when we learn with whom he is working. But not really. And it seems silly. We’re never really sure why he wants to destroy New York, er . . . Gotham, and its inhabitants, even with the measly “explanation.” Also, Bane (played by Tom Hardy), has his face in a spider-like mask that covers his mouth and nose, but it’s barely explained why. Given his English accent, muffled by the mask, at times, it’s nearly impossible to decipher what he’s saying. English subtitles, please.



Bane draws Bruce Wayne back to the real world and gives him a reason to be Batman again and fight evil. But his strength is puny compared with Bane. How he ultimately overcomes the brutal villain seems hard to be believed as does the way he saves the day toward the end. No, that’s not a spoiler–Batman always saves the day, doesn’t he?



Selina Kyle (Hathaway) is the cat burglar who is supposed to be Catwoman (but again, that name isn’t mentioned in the movie). She steals from the rich because they deserve it and can afford it. There’s your “Occupy” BS again. She comes to the attention of Bruce Wayne because she breaks into his safe, steals his mother’s pearls and also takes his fingerprints for some sort of identity theft scheme, which is ultimately part of Bane’s plot to ruin Batman and Wayne and take over Gotham. She has some female friend, who is never really explained, and appears to be some sort of partner-in-crime galpal/pseudo-lesbian. Or something. And there are a lot of “or somethings” throughout the many confusing plots and subplots. And not in an intriguing way.



Still, Hathaway’s and Gordon-Levitt’s supporting roles are interesting and their acting is good. As is Bale’s and Oldman’s. And that of the old stand-bys, Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman, as Bruce Wayne’s respective butler and gadget guy. (Cotillard was awful.)



It’s a workmanlike superhero movie and it’s good. But if they’d shortened, tightened, and clarified the movie, it would have been great. The great actors make it good, and the ending is very charming. The special effects are the usual greatness you expect from blockbuster superhero movies. And I liked it much better than “The Avengers” (read my review) and the new “The Amazing Spider-Man” (read my review).



Just make sure to take a bathroom break before the movie. You’ll be sitting there a long time. And, again, I loved the ending. Both of them. The old and the new . . . . Hint, hint.



TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS

Wknd Box Office: Conan the Barbarian, Fright Night, One Day, The Guard, Point Blank

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/  reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last week and  THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed!  This all  follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!


Wknd Box Office: Conan the Barbarian, Fright Night, One Day, The Guard, Point Blank


By Debbie Schlussel



It’s mid-August, the pet cemetery to which Hollywood studios send all of the worst movies to die a quick death. So, it’s no surprise that the best new movies, this weekend, are a remake of an ’80s vampire flick and a French action thriller arthouse movie. “Spy Kids: All the Time in the World in 4D” was not screened for critics.















“Conan the Barbarian“: Absolutely awful. Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn’t have much to worry about with regard to Jason Momoa (best known for his role on “Baywatch Hawaii”) replacing him as undefeated Conan. This movie was long, boring, pointless, confusing, stupid, and extremely bloody and violent for no reason. A more apt title is “Pirates of the I Don’t Care-ibbean,” since it has scenes with pirates and water. I so badly wanted to walk out on this movie throughout, but had to stay in order to review it. 1.5 hours of life I’ll never get back. Thanks, Hollywood.



The original Conan movie, starring Schwarzenegger, was known to be very violent for its time, but it’s a G-rating compared to this slaughter-fest and bloodletting. Think, “Saw: The Ancient Times.”



Conan, the son of Ron “The Jewish Barbarian” Perlman, watches his father get murdered by a rival tribe seeking the last piece of a powerful, magical mask. With the mask in hand, the evil king of the tribe needs the blood of a monk (oddly, a female who has sex with Conan–I thought monks were dudes who are celibate) in order to obtain the masks power. Conan tries to save the monk-ette, sleeps with her, and ultimately, she is captured by the rival king and his evil daughter. The evil daughter wears platform boots a la Lady Gaga. Who knew bizarro designers from the “Born This Way” tour were around back in the Barbarian age?



Like I said, so stupid, so pointless, so . . . well, just avoid it at all cost. It stank. The movie is 3D for no apparent valid reason.



FOUR MARXES




* “Fright Night“: This is a remake of the 1985 movie of the same name. I did not see the original, but I understand the story is similar. And the movie, while not a great movie, is entertaining and enjoyable in a cheesy/campy way.



Real-life Russian Jewish immigrant Anton Yelchin plays an average high-school teen-age boy in the Nevada suburbs. He’s one of the popular kids and has a cute, blonde girlfriend. His former childhood best friend is now one of the unpopular kids and warns him that his new next door neighbor, Colin Farrell, is a vampire and kills people. Yelchin doesn’t believe him, until he suddenly finds neighbors and fellow students missing and puts two and two together.



While not a masterpiece, it’s fine and somewhat fun. Despite graphic violence, blood, and language issues, it’s aimed at teens and 20-somethings, but if you’re a little older, you still might find it okay. People I know who’ve seen the original liked that one better.



Colin Farrell is good as a vampire (I always thought he looked like one, anyway), and I enjoyed the Vegas magician/phony vampire slayer character, too. This is in 3D.



ONE REAGAN





* “One Day“: This lifelong romance movie is boring, dull, stilted, and lacks spark. It’s a chick flick and is heavily weighed down by the annoying Anne Hatha-Neigh, er . . . Hathaway and her absolutely horrid fake English accent. She and Jim Sturgess play star-crossed lovers who spend the night together when they are graduating college. Thereafter, we see them over the years on the same date, June 15th–which is a British holiday or something. Sometimes they are together, sometimes not. Sometimes, he is pining for her, sometimes she for him–but never at the same time. It’s predictable. You know what happens. But you won’t care, nor will I. Seemed like five hours long. Hated both these people and couldn’t have cared less whether or not they finally got together. Will you care? Not likely. And the point of this movie was? Not sure. Again, don’t care. Save your ten bucks.



TWO MARXES





* “The Guard“: This is a cop buddy movie, but not your typical cop buddy movie. It was a little over the top and not my kind of movie, but it might be yours. Brendan Gleeson is an Irish cop who likes hookers, booze, and drugs. An FBI agent, Don Cheadle, comes to Ireland to investigate and bust an international drug smuggling ring run by local Irish gangsters. At first, they do not get along, but they grow to like each other. The movie is mostly about them, not the investigation (though there is some of that). This was kind of slow for me, and not that funny for a movie that’s supposed to be something of a comedy.



ONE-HALF MARX






* “Point Blank [A Bout Portant]“: This is a French thriller with English-language subtitles. It’s fun, fast, and a thriller involving criminals, corrupt cops, a male nurse, and his pregnant wife. It has non-stop action, car chases, and goes by very fast.



The story: a male nurse in training catches a man trying to kill a patient. After returning home to tell his pregnant wife what a hero he is, he finds an intruder who beats him and kidnaps his wife. He’s told via cellphone that if he ever wants to see his wife again, he must help free the man in the hospital–the patient another man had tried to kill. The man, it turns out, is a wanted criminal. The nurse does as he is told, but doesn’t exactly get his wife back. Instead, he and the criminal patient he’s just freed are framed for the murder of a high-ranking police detective. He spends the movie trying to find his wife and save her, while fending off corrupt cops and the honest ones who believe he committed murder.



Enjoyable, quick, entertaining, thriller.



TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS