Showing posts with label Magic Mike. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Magic Mike. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

“Fifty Shades of Grey”: Not “Mommy Porn,” Just Porn; Disgusting, Violent Fantasy of Middle-Aged Unhappy Women

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing a book that came out over the summer. This follows this post some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!





“Fifty Shades of Grey”: Not “Mommy Porn,” Just Porn; Disgusting, Violent Fantasy of Middle-Aged Unhappy Women

By Debbie Schlussel



Yesterday and previously on this site, I told you that “Fifty Shades of Grey,” “Twilight,” and “Magic Mike” are the fantasies of unhappy middle-aged women who need fantasy because they don’t appreciate the real men in their lives. Today, Rush Limbaugh said almost the same thing on his show. I recently read the mindless “Fifty Shades of Grey” book, the first of three installments in a trilogy by pudgy, disgusting middle-aged former BBC producer Erika Leonard a/k/a “E. L. James.” And I was appalled. A young virgin college student is deflowered by a billionaire in his late ’20s who is the son of a crack whore (and was tortured as a young kid with cigarette burns) and insists that all women in his life agree to bondage and sado-masochism as his victim. The girl decides to assume this role because, hey, he’s rich and handsome. For the privilege of spanking her, slapping her senseless with a belt, tying her up and cuffing her to grids and bedposts, and then having sex with her, he gives her a Mac laptop, a Blackberry, a new Audi car, and a closet full of fancy designer clothes. And this crazy lady who wrote this thinks this is romantic. Sadly, too many American women do, too. And that’s why this crap is a big hit. They are drinking it up like sweet wine, intoxicated and turned on by the idea of being beaten senseless by a handsome man with money. Where I come from we have a name for that: “ho.” But, instead, “The View” has had several segments on the book, including one with sex toys and whips “inspired by Fifty Shade of Gray.” Yup, this is the kind of stuff Islamic terrorists are talking about when they recruit suicide bombers based on our “decadence.” They should just make this book part of the jihadist recruitment package.











E.L. James: Warped, Zhlubby Chico’s Victim Author of “Fifty Shades of Grey”



It’s not just that the book is filthy, vulgar, low-class, and every other word is the F-word. It’s that it’s crap. It’s poorly written (reads like it was dictated verbatim from a fourth grader), involves zero thought, and has the vocabulary of a Valley Girl. The repetitive lines will drive you nuts, and they’re not the words of a young college grad. “Oh, my”–the expression of a 70-year-old PBS-viewing cat lady (and probably E.L. James)–is the most common phrase in the book, followed by a gazillions repeats of “Holy crap,” “Holy s–t,” “f—” (and other forms of the F-word), “he frowned,” “I frowned,” “his mouth was in a straight line,” “he runs his hands through his tousled hair,” “my just-f—ed hair,” “my sex,” and constant repeats of he exact lines about how handsome this guy is, the same outfit he always wears, and how pants hang on him. Even the sex scenes are exactly the same, repetitive, filthy, and stupid, not to mention gross (period sex and blood all over–believe me, I’m even more embarrassed and disgusted writing about this on my site than you are reading it, but you need to know how depraved America’s women are becoming in their preferred “class” of entertainment and how low we’ve sunk as a society). There’s no difference between this and the trash in the Penthouse Forum. It’s ridiculous and could be the basis for a juvenile drinking game. The book is an illicit time bandit. Valuable seconds, minutes, hours you’ll never get back. It’s empty carbs. And it’s filled with Britishisms that Americans don’t use, yet it’s about Americans. But, hey, it’s wrapped in pretend culture. Christian Grey, the “sick but sexy” billionaire in the book, listens to classical music and can play it on piano (just like Condoleezza Rice!). And now there’s even “Music of Fifty Shades of Grey” compilation, so that Bach and Beethoven’s ghosts are also unwillingly enslaved in this farce of pretentiousness and weird sex and violence.



When I was a kid, they had a name for this: Harlequin Romance. Only stupid, idiotic women, whom no one took seriously, read them, then. And that’s who’s reading and enjoying this horrible book, now. Unfortunately, the marketplace is taking these idiots seriously because the only bottom line is the almighty dollar. (Plagiarist, faux-conservative Monica Crowley of FOX News, by the way, is one of the mindless middle-aged connoisseurs of this crap.) They won’t appreciate real, masculine men, who try hard every day, working and putting food on the table. They’d rather be feminists, berate their husbands and boyfriends, and then writhe in enjoyment in this S&M whips fiction. It’s sad, pathetic. And as I noted yesterday, it’s beyond sick. You gotta wonder what kind of women are into the young teen boys of “Twilight” and so on. If the gender roles were reversed, we’d call them pedophiles and pigs. And that’s what these women are. The women who read this garbage are upset that the book is often derided as “mommy porn,” and they’re sort of right. There’s nothing “mommy” about it. It’s just porn.











Limbaugh got it wrong on the “Fifty Shades” books. He says feminists wouldn’t like it. Au contraire, mon frere. This is the new feminism. Bored, unhappy feminists need more, and for these sick women, this is the more. They know about these books and deliberately haven’t said a thing about it. In fact, as I e-mailed a friend last night, “Where the heck are Gloria Steinem and the feminists on this book, which advocates violence against women and sex slavery as romance?” As I noted to my friend, they are strangely silent, just as they are about Islam. I also noted to my friends that the same feminist women who were up in arms about Rush Limbaugh calling Sandra Fluke a whore seem to have no prob with this book that advocates agreeing to become a victim of violence. That’s because the “Fifty Shades” is the full circle of feminism and it’s hypocritically acceptable to feminists the same way Islam’s treatment of women is. It’s also because these women have now beaten and degraded men in every forum: college and grad schools (where women dominate the student bodies and men are falling behind), the workplace (where women are taking a lot of the jobs, due to affirmative action in hiring and other reasons), the home (where women are now the ones in many cases bringing home the larger paycheck and, therefore, have the power), and in entertainment (where movies with topless, writhing men, like “Magic Mike,” are big hits; and even the kids’ movies are feminist, anti-male animations, like “Brave”). You even have women coaching men’s football teams. They run everything, and, for them, the only way to feel rewarded, in our incredibly spoiled and unsated country, is to seek the more exotic and deviant: to be dominated by men in just one arena, where they sickly believe they are really calling the shots by agreeing to this bizarre sexual violence. Since women now have much of the power, the only way–as delusional as it is–for them to feel feminine is to be part of or fantasize about being beaten.



I’d hate to be this woman’s husband, Niall Leonard, because this deranged “Twilight” fan–yes the 49-year-old is an extreme fan of the movies and books meant for young adults–clearly wrote about what she wishes her husband was but isn’t. Despite the fact that he’s a successful writer of UK TV shows, it’s clearly not enough for her. And now, by dint of her porno book’s success, he’s gotten his first book contract, to write a young adult book. The problem is that young adults are reading his wife’s BDSM porno books. And that his biggest success is on the coattails of his schlubby wife’s disatisfaction with him and daydreams and fantasies of some sick fairy tale. That he’s still with her tells us where his testicles are: long ago separated from him, never to return. He’s joined the lowlifes panting at his slovenly wife’s every word. Today’s women are coarse, and they’ve made this slob-ette a god, to the point that their worship at her alter-of-the-fantasy-of-older-fat-chicks got her named to the TIME Magazine list of the 100 most influential people. Sorry, but my G-d isn’t an unsatisfied, overweight fashion victim of Chico’s. And my religion’s gospel isn’t prurient crap intended to dumb down the world through salacious fertilizer.



Remember that the majority of people in America who bought this book also elected Barack Obama. BDSMs for Obama. (How ironic that the letters are so similar to the BDS group attacking Israel and trying to put the Jewish state out of biz. How further ironic that this authoress of dung, E.L. James, was a producer at the British network, BBC, which is trying to do the same.)



Fifty Shades of Grey is an IQ test for American women. If you liked it, you failed. You’re common. And you have no class.



TEN MARXES PLUS FIVE BIN LADENS [OFF THE SCALE]










Friday, July 6, 2012

Woman Who Bragged About Brazilian Vagina Wax, Orgasms Now Headlining Obama Women’s Campaign

Here is an interesting article from  http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ about Eva Longoria as Barack Obama's advisor. This follows this post about graduation in NYC.  This follows this post about some of the music that was poplular during 2011. This follows THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!






Woman Who Bragged About Brazilian Vagina Wax, Orgasms Now Headlining Obama Women’s Campaign

By Debbie Schlussel



I’m no fan of faux conservative Mitt Romnesty, but at least he isn’t resorting to hiring this embarrassing chick to head up his campaign targeting women, as Barack Obama is. Eva Longoria spent a great deal of time informing the world about how she gets Brazilian bikini waxes and when she had her first orgasm, and now she’s officially a part of Obama-Biden ’12, telling women why they should vote for Obama at various campaign women’s forums. Maybe Obama should call this, “Obama TMI-Time for Women.” USA Today says that by using Longoria, Obama is targeting women “where they live.” Do they live in their vaginas? Just askin’. But, hey, this is what we get in the “50 Shades of Grey”/”Magic Mike” era of women as pigs and pervs. I’ll take Ann Romney, stay at home mom who battles MS, any day over these disgusting “Desperate Housewife” whores enlisted by Obama. Even more ridiculous: Longoria is going to be telling women about “paycheck fairness.” Huh? Doesn’t this chick get paid a gazillion dollars a year for the recently-canceled “Desperate Housewives” and its reruns on sundry cable channels? Doesn’t she make another mint for her L’Oreal cosmetic and haircare ads? Paycheck fairness???? Tell it to your mirror, chica. (She also, by the way, believes that America is “occupied” by us and is really Mexican territory.)









The Obama campaign, in a major effort to galvanize female voters, will launch a series of interactive summit meetings in key swing states this summer.



The Women Vote 2012 Summits will allow women “to hear directly from senior campaign officials and leaders about issues that are important to them and the different visions that President Obama and Mitt Romney have for women and their families,” the campaign said in a statement.


The campaign panel features Valerie Jarrett, a Democratic strategist appearing in a personal capacity; Kate Chapek, the national women’s vote director for the campaign; and actress Eva Longoria. Issues on the summit agendas will include paycheck fairness, health care (including birth control), abortion rights and education.




The voter summits are part of the Obama campaign’s Operation Vote program, which works to boost turnout among what the campaign calls “our core demographic groups.”



The first event is July 1 in Denver. Colorado is one of several states where the women’s vote could be decisive. Summits are planned in other key states as well, including Pennsylvania (with an event in Philadelphia), Florida (Miami) and Nevada (Las Vegas).



Hmmm, I wonder if she’ll display any of her typical classiness on “women’s issues” at the Obama forums:



Eva Longoria says her Brazilian wax boosts her sex life.



The ‘Desperate Housewives’ beauty, who is dating basketball star Tony Parker [DS: who since cheated on and divorced her], claims the extreme bikini wax is worth the pain – because it improves her prowess in the bedroom.



She revealed to America’s Cosmopolitan magazine: “It makes sex better.



“Believe me, the first time I did it, the technician did half, and I was like ‘Stop!’ She said, ‘Sit down, I have to finish.’ But then it gets easier. The more you do it, the less hair grows back. But yeah, I love it. I swear by it.



“Every woman should try a Brazilian wax once. And then the sex they have afterward will make them keep coming back.”



Eva, who plays cheating Gabrielle Solis in the hit show, recently confessed she didn’t have an orgasm until she was 26.



The 30-year-old beauty revealed: “I didn’t have my first one until I was twenty-six.



Yup, meet Obama’s new women’s healthcare guru-ette. There seems to be no shortage of super-skanks recruited to pimp women on the (non-existent) virtues of Obama.



And don’t forget that this idiot, Longoria, is also a big advocate for illegal aliens (which became part of her storyline in “Desperate Housewives”) and Marxist Chicano Studies which, again, says America is “occupied Chicano territory.”



Brazilian Waxee America-Haters for Obama. Only in America.





















Monday, July 2, 2012

Wknd Box Office: Magic Mike, Ted, People Like Us, Your Sister’s Sister, Safety Not Guaranteed, Where Do We Go Now?

Here is an interesting article from http://www.debbieschlussel.com/ reviewing some of the movies that came out over the past weekend. This follows this post some of the movies from last week and THIS POST about some movies that have been released over the past few years that you might have missed! This all follows this post about guidelines to chosing good movies to watch yourself!





Wknd Box Office: Magic Mike, Ted, People Like Us, Your Sister’s Sister, Safety Not Guaranteed, Where Do We Go Now?

By Debbie Schlussel



Apologies for the late movie reviews, but I wasn’t feeling well Friday afternoon and don’t post on the Jewish Sabbath. Better late than never. None of the new movies is anything I can recommend. A couple of them were depressing, a couple of them gratuitously filthy, and three of them inexplicably feature the very unattractive, nerdy actor Mark Duplass as some sort of hot stud. Please stop lying to us, Hollywood.


* “Magic Mike“: Absolutely awful. It’s basically “Showgirls” with men. And that’s an insult to “Showgirls,” which at least had a tad better plot. In addition, the story in this movie was depressing. And the movie had a huge gay vibe to it. I saw enough close-ups of Channing Tatum’s and Matthew McConaughey’s naked asses to last me five Liberace/Tom Cruise/John Travolta lifetimes. Ick. And the scene of McConaughey writhing his body against another guys in a mock sexual act was not something real heterosexuals wanna watch. Ugh. This is one of those movies that makes me ask myself if maybe I’m getting too old or that it’s weird and unstylish to have class and dignity and not get excited at this gross display. I’m not turned on by seeing a bunch of oiled up, completely waxed guys romp around naked in very gay thongs. And the women who are, well, there is something weird about them, not me. But the female mega-squealing and cheering at this movie is more evidence that in our 50 Shades of Grey/Magic Mike era, the real pigs and chauvinists are women, not men. But women can get away with it. When men react this way, they are “perverts.” Aside from that, the movie is predictable, stupid, and just plain Razzie Award-worthy bad. Since when did the crass and the crude become hot commodities? And why on earth is any woman turned on by some stranger in a thong writhing his junk on her face?




The female lead in this movie is someone I never heard of: dull, one-note actress Cody Horn. But then I looked up her bio, and it explained everything about why she was cast as a star in this Warner Brothers movie: “Cody Horn is the daughter of Warner Bros. President and COO, Alan F. Horn.” I’m sure that had nothing to do with her getting the job, right? (He’s now Chairman of Disney and gone from Warner Brothers, but he ran Warner Brothers when his daughter was cast in this movie. Her mother is Cindy Harrell-Horn, a has-been B-television actress who starred in the “Ghostbusters” music video.) There was probably a quid pro quo: then less-known Tatum was allowed to get his movie made if he agreed to cast the studio chief’s daughter as the female lead. That’s how stuff gets done in Tinseltown. Also, I wonder what the ghost of Elvis thinks about his granddaughter, Riley Keough, playing a druggie slut in this low-class movie.



The story: Channing Tatum is a “Magic Mike,” a stripper (as he was in real life prior to becoming an actor). He longs to become an industrial-style furniture designer and is only stripping so he can make enough money to finance his career. He also works a number of odd jobs, including construction, where he meets Adam (Alex Pettyfer). Adam, like the real-life Tatum, dropped out of a small college where he attended on a football scholarship. And like the real-life Tatum, he’s living in Tampa on his sister’s couch. Mike takes Adam under his wing, showing him how to become a stripper, party, and pick up women. The strip club is owned and run by Matthew McConaughey. Soon Adam is partying too much, doing drugs and selling them. And he gets jammed up. Also, McConaughey and Tatum get into a fight. During all of this, Tatum is trying to pick up Adam’s sister (Cody “my Dad headed Warner Bros.” Horn), a healthcare worker who doesn’t like the whole male stripper lifestyle. And he’s also sleeping around with a woman (Olivia Munn) who wants nothing to do with him beyond sex. Shocker.



If any of this sounds new to you, you haven’t been to the movies in ages, and probably shouldn’t make your return with this low-class, low-budget-looking tripe. It stank. The plot and the acting were sub-par. The naked male butts in my face were unwelcome. This flick is great fodder for “Beavis & Butthead” or “Mystery Theater 3000″ commentary. Nothing more. And I wouldn’t be surprised if a big chunk of the audience is the gay crowd, to whom the studio has been heavily marketing this trash.



I felt like I got STDs just watching this. It’s a rancid taste of lowlifery I’d rather not digest. I definitely wasted two hours of my life I’ll never get back, watching “Frankie Goes to Hollywood,” the 2-hour extended remix. The ghost of Betty Friedan and the rest of the ugly feminist crowd got their wish: the men here are the new women–scantily clad bimbos acting like idiots. Great Gitmo torture material here.



FOUR MARXES PLUS TWO BETTY FRIEDANS PLUS TWO VILLAGE PEOPLES



* “Ted“: Mark Wahlberg–attempted murderer who took out a Vietnamese immigrant’s eye out with a meathook–plays a guy who is in arrested development and can’t grow up. The reason: his boyhood toy bear, Ted. When Wahlberg was a kid, he had no friends, and he wished that his boyhood favorite toy, a teddy bear, would become real. His wish is granted, and Ted becomes a filthy, low-life jerk, 30 years later, when Wahlberg is supposed to be an adult. Instead, Wahlberg is constantly late to work because he’s too busy smoking pot with Ted, and he otherwise goofs off. He’s dating Mila Kunis. He’s been dating her for four years, and when she thinks he’s going to propose, he gives her a pair of cheap earrings from a mall kiosk. She gives him an ultimatum: either he breaks up with Ted and kicks Ted out of the apartment, or she wants nothing to do with him.



While there are some really funny lines and moments in this movie (there is a running “Flash Gordon” movie gag running through it, complete with aged actor Sam Jones), it’s mostly just vile and disgusting. And that’s aside from the fact that the plot is stupid and predictable. If your idea of funny is topless women floating around, gratuitous sex (with a teddy bear, no less), and just vulgar language and imagery (including human feces on an apartment rug), then this movie is for you. For decent Americans, skip this piece of tripe. Gross.



FOUR MARXES PLUS TWO BIN LADENS


* “People Like Us“: This movie was just way too much melodrama for me (or anyone paying to see it). People go to the movies to escape, not to see people whining and yelling and screaming like this. Who needs it? None of the characters in this movie were likable.



Chris Pine plays a fast-talking, smooth-operating salesman for a bartering company in New York. When he learns that his father died, he tries to avoid going to Los Angeles for the funeral because he hated his father, and they weren’t close. But his girlfriend (Olivia Wilde) hamstrings him into going, and while he misses the funeral, he is staying in Los Angeles with his ice-cold mother, Michelle Pfeiffer. Soon, he discovers that he has an illegitimate sister (Elizabeth Banks) he never knew. His father leaves him $150,000 cash to give to the sister’s son. He wants to keep the money because he’s heavily in debt, but he goes to find his sister and insinuates himself into her life without telling her who he is. She falls in love with him.



Yes, that’s icky and sick. But the movie is also dumb. He has the same last name as his (and her father), and yet for weeks on end, she lets Pine hang out with her and take care of her son, without asking his last name or knowing anything about him. Would any normal person do that? No, but if she did, it would resolve the whole movie instantly. Also, in a stupid plot “twist,” Pine is instantly investigated and brought up on charges for a deal in which boxes of tomato soup exploded and leaked all over a train. Um, the government doesn’t work that fast, and the Federal Trade Commission couldn’t care less about leaking tomato soup. Whoever wrote this cockamamie script didn’t do the least amount of a reality check. Ditto for the scenes in which nebbishy actor Mark Duplass is some “hot” airline pilot with whom the beautiful Elizabeth Banks has an affair.



If there is anything useful in this movie, it’s what a mess people, who have no father in their life, turn out to be. But then we knew that, and didn’t need this movie to show us. While there is a touching scene at the end of the movie, it isn’t worth sitting through the rest of this dysfunction fest. The people in this movie are NOT like us. And we have zero reason to want to watch them annoy and aggravate us for two hours and ten dollars we’ll never retrieve.



TWO MARXES



* “Your Sister’s Sister“: Mark Duplass plays a loser whose brother just died. At the funeral, he delivers a eulogy which is an attack on his brother. His brother’s ex-girlfriend, Emily Blunt, is his best friend and tells him he’s a mess. She sends him to her father’s cabin in the woods for a respite to work out his issues. But when he gets there, he meets her lesbian half-sister (Rosemarie DeWitt), sleeps with her, and might have gotten her pregnant. But he’s in love with Blunt, who apparently has a thing for him. A silly, ridiculous love triangle and brooding is basically what this movie is about. And the ending is a rip-off. Skip-worthy to the max.



FOUR MARXES



* “Safety Not Guaranteed“: This movie could have been charming, but instead, it was an amateurish small-budget movie that was nothing more than a waste of time. A sleazy Seattle Magazine reporter (Jake M. Johnson) goes to a small town to find out the identity of the person who took out a strange newspaper ad for a companion on a time travel trip. He’s really using the trip to visit an ex-girlfriend from high school. And he takes two interns on the trip, whom he forces to do his work for him. The female intern (Aubrey Plaza) stakes out the geeky, nutty, paranoid man who took out the ad (Mark Duplass), and she falls in love with him. The reporter also corrupts the male intern, a geeky stereotypical Indian (Karan Soni). While the ending is somewhat charming, the rest of the movie isn’t. Don’t waste your time. I’ve seen film school class projects that are better. A lot of them.



THREE MARXES


* “Where Do We Go Now?“: Atrocious. This is basically “Hee Haw” for Arabs. And that’s an insult to “Hee Haw.” This movie, which takes place at some fictional city in the rural Lebanese countryside, is about the sudden rivalry and fighting between heretofore “peaceful” Muslim and Christian Arabs in a town. The men suddenly hate each other and are at war, but the women all get along and bake marijuana into the baked goods and spend their money to bring Ukrainian strippers to perform for their husbands, in order to make everything better like it once was. Sound stupid? Believe me, I’m making it sound better than it is. It’s far worse. This long, boring, pointless, horrible, never-ending movie tries to be a million things–comedy, musical, drama, romance, etc.–and fails miserably at each one. The “humor” is so backward and dated to several decades ago, it’s just annoying. Even the late Rodney King’s “Can’t We All Just Get Along?” BS is an improvement on this waste-of-time fraud of a movie. More proof that the Arab world is inept at film-making.



FOUR MARXES