Showing posts with label case against divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label case against divorce. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Michael Medved on Media and the Family

A very interesting book review from www.UCG.org  about media's affect on the family. This follows this post analyzing media professionals in the U.S.  This follows this post about the Black Caucus hurting Black Americans with their immigration stand. This follows this post about how to Report Illegal Immigrants! For more that you can do to get involved click HERE and you can read another very interesting book HERE.

Michael Medved on Media and the Family






article by Jerold Aust





An interview with Michael Medved, author of "Hollywood vs. America"



The Good News: One of the things that I noticed in your best-selling 1992 book Hollywood vs. America was your analysis of the way movie producers are out of touch with the American public's wants and needs as they relate to movies as entertainment.



Since the writing of that book was based on the prevailing data and statistics of the late '80s and '90s, would you bring us up to date as to Hollywood's ignorance-or willing ignorance-of what the public wants in its movies and television viewing?



Michael Medved: One of the things that has happened since the book came out, and the book played a role in achieving, was the deflation and destruction of the idea that the R rating [restricted: children under 17 not admitted without a parent] was some kind of advantage in marketing a movie. In 1992 there was a great emphasis by studios in releasing as many R-rated titles as they possibly could. Largely that was a response to the kind of movies that directors and producers wanted to make, but it was also based on the idiotic idea that more people embraced R ratings more regularly and more readily than they embraced other more family-friendly ratings. In the book I spent a good deal of time and effort debunking that idea.



There has been a series of studies confirming that research, showing that the R rating is in fact a commercial disadvantage. The result of all of these studies has been a deemphasis on that rating and a higher percentage of PG and PG-13 films. In fact, it has become common, and it never was before, that filmmakers-as part of their contract-have to promise that they will avoid an R rating.



So that's the good news, that there's a spreading recognition that people do not really crave harsh language and graphic sexuality and violence. One of the big surprise hits of the summer of 2001 was a G rated film. In fact, one of the most successful G-rated live-action films ever was The Princess Diaries , which is really a charming film. It's by the maker of Pretty Woman and Runaway Bride , Garry Marshall.



In fact, we've seen a whole tendency of some very well-known directors to release G and PG material, directors who were noted for other material. For instance, David Lynch did quite a lovely film called The Straight Story that was rated G-that's the same David Lynch, the maker of Blue Velvet , rated R. We also had David Mamet, a playwright and filmmaker known for harsh language, release an outstanding G-rated film-really one of the best films of recent years-called The Winslow Boy.



GN: So they can do it?



MM: They can do it, and again that's worked out fairly well. The downside of all of this, and there is a downside of course, is that to some extent the ratings have slipped. In other words, some movies that will slip in with a PG-13 rating now would definitely have been R-rated 10 years ago. The film that most disturbed me with a PG-13 was a film called Crazy Beautiful , which included very graphic sex and alcohol abuse by a 17-year-old, and it never, never should have been rated a PG-13.



GN: You wrote in your book Hollywood vs. America that, back in 1992, movie producers were attacking religion, assaulting the family and glorifying ugliness. In your opinion, has this condition gotten worse or better today?



MM: It's hard to say overall. America is a very complex country, and the movie industry is a very complex business. There are aspects of the entertainment industry that are worse than ever. Consider the music business. American popular music has never been so ugly, so profane, so degrading, so lacking in any restraints at all, so ready to promote larceny and rape. American popular music and the music-video industry are in terrible shape. By the same token, television is more sexual than ever before-more intense and edgy sexual references, lots of nuances of some gay sexuality. But at the same time the violence has been dramatically toned down.



GN: Let's turn to the amount and level of violence and sex in movies and compare what you found in 1992 with what we have on television and in the movies today. How can someone rate the level of violence and sex in movies, by what method?



MM: There are people who actually rate this, quantifiably. What they do is have graduate students watch prime-time TV for a week. So I don't think there is any question about this. If you look at any of the top-rated television shows, there are no top-rated violent shows right now. They just don't exist. But there are a lot of toprated sleazy shows. One of the most violent shows on TV is also one of the most critically acclaimed- The Sopranos , available on cable. So it's complicated.



In terms of movies, there has certainly been a deemphasis on violence. You can't mistake it. It's obvious. The popularity 10 years ago of what I call creeps and killer machines-movies with mass slaughter in them, that kind of film-has pretty much slipped from view. They're just not being made right now. That doesn't mean that the movie business is going through some kind of renaissance or that things are vastly better. Anyone who looks at the pathetic quality of movies today can't celebrate.



But there are notable exceptions. One of the notable recent developments was Prince of Egypt , the animated film that told the story of Moses, where for the first time a major studio made an effort to reach out to religious believers of every stripe.



It was generally true to the Bible, though perhaps borderline as a teaching tool. They were very, very careful not to offend anybody's sensibility. At the same time they made a visually spectacular, entertaining film and a quite successful one. But Jeffrey Katzenberg of DreamWorks Studio met with several hundred religious leaders, including people like Jim Dobson [of Focus on the Family], beforehand to have them consult and advise on what they wanted to see in the film-and he actually listened to people.



GN: Did he also involve rabbis in the process?



MM: He did. A number of them, including some Orthodox rabbis, and the film was a commercial movie. But it was such an obvious thing to do to try to get the goodwill of the religious community, and it's just amazing that it wasn't done before.



GN: On a related subject, you collaborated with your wife, Dr. Diane Medved, on a book titled Saving Childhood: Protecting Our Children From the National Assault on Innocence [1999]. How do the media figure into the assault on our children's innocence?



MM: The book is divided into two fundamental parts. The first part is called the assault, and the second part is called the defense. When we talk about the assault on childhood innocence, we talk about the assault coming at kids from four directions at once.



First is the media, which represent such a huge portion of everyone's life. Secondly, the schools, where the school system no longer has the least respect for childhood in a sense and in fact makes a point of scaring children often and assaulting their innocence.



The third area is the peer group, and the fourth is the parents, who often play a role in corrupting their own children.



GN: On the subject of television viewing, did you have any connection or collaboration with Steve Allen, whose book Vulgarians at the Gate was published recently around the time of his death?



MM: I did indeed. I knew Steve for many years, and he's terribly missed. He was an absolutely wonderful man. He really represented a lot of what was best about American culture three and four years ago. He was witty and cutting-edge, and he didn't change. He was always a decent, wholesome, good man.



What happened was that the culture changed around him. I worked with Steve in a group called the Parents Television Council, where we were both on the board. He and I largely agreed. The only area that Steve and I might have disagreed on is that ultimately I believe the real solution, particularly for people of faith, is not just working for more wholesome, more substantive TV but actually watching less TV, both for adults and children.



I've been telling people on my national show, actually telling them repeatedly, that the real problem isn't the low quality of media; it's the high quantity of media. Even if the quality were improved, it still would be disastrous for our kids and for us to be spending so many hours a week watching TV. The average American household now watches close to 50 hours a week of television.



One of the ironic things is that there is talk of a boycott by black families of network TV because of their treatment of African-American characters and issues. I think that would be a wonderful idea because there is a huge problem in the African-American community. The average African-American family spends over 62 hours a week with the TV on.



Blacks watch TV much more than whites do, which helps to explain differentials in school performance. It's become almost commonplace among educational psychologists that if they could cut back on the level of black TV watching some of the differentials in school performance could be reduced.



Children watch too much TV. Parents watch too much TV. It's a major contributing factor to marital breakdown. My wife wrote a book called The Case Against Divorce , a very controversial book that came out 12 years ago. It was a first of its kind. It was the first book to really attack the divorce industrial complex.



It's still generating controversy. One of the things that Diane found out in The Case Against Divorce , and we allude to in Saving Childhood , is that this obsession with television is a contributing factor to marital breakdown-and a major contributing factor because couples don't have time to talk to each other. They are spending a lot of downtime watching flickering shadows on a cathode-ray tube. That does nothing to enrich your marriage or to improve your communication.



GN: Can it also reshape our thinking, say, from a standard of morals that we were raised to follow?



MM: There's no question about it. But the point that I emphasize in Hollywood vs. America , and that I've emphasized in all my work, has been that the real power of TV, movies and popular music is not that someone is going to see something and then run out and immediately imitate it. That happens, but it doesn't happen with everyone. What happens with everyone is that we allow mass media to normalize outrageous and unacceptable behavior.



That deals with, for instance, language. I don't think there is any question, for anyone who is sensitive to this at all, of the deterioration in language, the breaking away of moral restraints.



I recently took my 14-year-old daughter on a trip to a big city where I used to live. It was the first time I had been there in three years. But walking down the streets with my daughter was incredible this time.



Of course people, like those on a construction site, would use a lot of four-letter words. For them that's normal. But here, walking down an upscale street and seeing elegantly dressed people hollering at each other, effing this and effing that-it's just really collapsed out there. There's no question that mass media have led that trend. They haven't just followed it.



GN: So it's not just a matter of art imitating life.



MM: Right. This is just one example. The other example would be homosexuality. If you read every study, gay behavior is very, very rare. It is not 10 percent of the population. It's not even 5 percent of the population.



GN: Aren't those percentages actively promoted?



MM: Yes, they are. Of course, on TV and in the movies there is such a tremendous emphasis on it. This was incredible to me: The Lambda Gay and Lesbian Education Fund released a study showing that gay behavior has gone up dramatically in America in the last 10 years, and nobody is able to figure it out-because they say you're programmed, you're born gay, you can't do anything about it. So why would this behavior go up? The spokespeople for these gay organizations said it was media influence. They said that the normal appearance of gay people in mass media made it more acceptable for people to express their gay sexuality.



GN: Doesn't that suggest our gullibility?



MM: Yes, it goes without saying because if you see the most glamorous people in the world engaging in some behavior, whether it is violence or promiscuous heterosexual sex or homosexuality or foul language or whatever it is, it provides a sanction, an acceptability, for others to do the same. That's the whole idea behind advertising. That's why they have sports stars and movie stars appearing in ads: because you want to be associated with these people, so you're going to imitate the behavior that you see. It not only works in ads, unfortunately. GN

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Thursday, June 21, 2012

How can I deal with and heal from a divorce?

An interesting article from http://www.ucg.org/ about handling a divorce. This follows this post about drug and alcohol abuse.  For a free magazine subscription or to get this book for free click HERE! or call 1-888-886-8632.

How can I deal with and heal from a divorce?


God intended marriage to be for life. When it ends in divorce, it has painful consequences for all involved. How can you heal and help your children cope with the devastation of divorce?



Answer:



A number of people have asked us for literature on healing and starting over after a divorce. Unfortunately, we don't have anything in print on the subject. This answer will provide you with some overall principles, but we invite you to write with specific questions that you have.



A colloquialism on the subject goes: "Divorce is a death that never ends." There is much truth in those few words, for the impact divorce has on people is much like death—without any closure for one's grief. Like all heavy trials, you can recover from the damage divorce inflicts by working at it one day at a time with God's help.



In a healthy marriage relationship husbands and wives inadvertently hurt each other, but their willingness to forgive and to work through problems produces healing and actually strengthens their relationship. In an unhealthy marriage, these qualities are lacking. The relationship may deteriorate slowly over a period of years, inflicting countless emotional wounds in the process.



When divorce occurs, there's no opportunity to heal the wounds in the same way as within the marriage relationship. A mixture of frustration and anger often overwhelms you. And any subsequent disputes with an ex spouse over child custody, property or finances reopen the old injuries. Children of divorce have their own hurts and need security and nurturing from you. It's truly difficult to provide these necessities for your children when you feel so much in need of them yourself. Nonetheless, it is possible to work your way through the emotional quagmire, as well as to help your children.



There are many helpful books on the market that can guide you through this difficult time, for example, What About the Kids? by Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee.



Guilt and forgiveness after divorce

Thankfully, we can count on God for His help. Christians often feel guilty in a divorce, thinking that God might not help them, since He tells believers to resolve differences instead of divorcing. We can take comfort in the fact that He recognizes that relationships sometimes fail. Christ inspired the apostle Paul to address divorce in 1 Corinthians 7:15But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.



See All...: "But if the unbeliever departs [from the marriage], let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage [bound in the marriage] in such cases. But God has called us to peace." That is, if one's spouse breaks up the marriage, the Christian should not blame him or herself. Let him or her go.



God mentions peace, a quality typically lacking in a home that's breaking up. In such an environment, a believer struggles to be able to live God's way of life. God knows that we need a reasonable amount of peace to be able to think clearly and act properly; He doesn't demand that we stay in a situation where peace is impossible.



Additionally, remember that God Himself experienced divorce. He was in a marriage relationship with the nation of Israel, which was unfaithful to Him (Jeremiah 3:8And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.



See All...). It's true that He would not choose to divorce, if His people had been willing and able to be faithful (Malachi 2:16For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.



See All...). But it takes two willing and committed partners to make a marriage.



In a divorce, a Christian also struggles with guilt because of realizing that he or she has made mistakes. After humbly and truly repenting to God of any sins, we must accept God's forgiveness and not allow ourselves to be imprisoned by guilt. Part of the cruelty of divorce is that it deprives you of the opportunity to address mistakes that affected your relationship. Still you can make changes you now see you should make, even though it's too late to make a difference in the marriage.



You will likely only hurt yourself further if you expect your ex spouse to make you feel better. In a healthy relationship, you can expect to find forgiveness for your wrongs from your spouse, but you can't in a divorce. However, we can always find forgiveness with God—and we need to seek it regularly. Although God forgives us every time we sincerely repent (1 John 1:9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.



See All...), we may not "feel forgiven," due to the emotional shake-up we suffer in divorce. But continue to look to God, and He will help you.



(Please review our booklet, Transforming Your Life: The Process of Conversion for guidance on the way to repentance.)



Again, in a healthy marriage relationship, your spouse makes changes and/or apologizes for mistakes, making it easier for you to forgive. When there isn't any change or apology, it's hard to forgive. Divorce is a betrayal of the promise made to stick with you "for better or for worse" and "to love, honor and cherish . . . 'til death do you part."



Here again, God's way of life helps us. Jesus set the example of forgiving betrayal by His prayer: "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do" (Luke 23:34Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.



See All...). Jesus' betrayers didn't reconcile with Him or the Father. Full reconciliation won't take place until those people change. Yet Jesus remains willing to forgive all people when they repent. Similarly, you can have some measure of closure by being willing to turn your right to seek revenge over to God, to let go of your anger, even when there isn't any change or apology forthcoming from your ex spouse.



Having a forgiving nature is godly—and healthy. Contrariwise, holding on to anger over wrongs done to you can become a bitterness that consumes you. God tells us: "Pursue peace with all people, and holiness...lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled" (Hebrews 12:14-15 [14] Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:

[15] Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;





See All...).



Emotional support in healing from divorce

Friends can be helpful in getting your mind off of your pain. Spend time with friends who will lend you emotional support—not people who encourage you to vent your negative feelings, but rather stable people whose companionship helps bring out the best in you. Pray that God will bless you with such friends.



Seek to be a friend yourself and serve others at every opportunity. It really is "more blessed to give than to receive," for, rightly motivated reaching out to others will give you a sense of purpose and fulfillment.



Please don't make the mistake of becoming a best buddy with your child or children, sharing confidences with them that you would not if you had a spouse. There's a strong temptation for a single parent to do this, especially over issues with your former mate. But that person is their parent, regardless of the wrongs he committed. It doesn't help them or you to vent about your hurts to them. And it doesn't help them for you to lean on them for emotional support, for it deprives them of the nurturing leadership they need in a stable parent.



Learn to meditate (that is, to focus your thinking on a single theme) about positive ideas or places. It's a peaceful and heath-giving habit. The psalmists often wrote of meditating about God and the inspiring aspects of His creation or of His truth (Psalm 63:6When I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night watches.



See All...; 77:12; 119:15, 23, 27, 48, 78, 148; 143:5; 145:5).



Find places that are peaceful where you can go occasionally for restful and restorative time. In the famous 23rd Psalm, David wrote poetically of green pastures and still waters, which symbolize peacefulness and security.



Take care of your physical health too. This will aid and enhance what you are doing for your emotions and spirit. Eat a balanced diet, exercise sensibly and get good rest.



We suggest that you review our booklet Making Life Work for help with all manner of relationships, including those with children, friends and employers. It also addresses building and maintaining a healthy relationship with God.

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Thursday, October 30, 2008

Two Books Against Divorce

I previously sent a recommendation here http://brianleesblog.blogspot.com/2008/10/two-books-on-marriage.html about some interesting marriage books. Now I'm sending some recommended books against divorce. Granted, the Bible does give allowances for divorce in some instances like fornication, abandonment, and non-acceptance by a non-Christian spouse, but nevertheless in some cases divorce can cause unexpected problems, both for the marriage partners and any children. I hope you find this interesting. Also, don't hesitate to look for these books in the library or bookstore!

http://www.amazon.com/Case-Against-Divorce-Diane-Medved/dp/0804106339/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1225397857&sr=1-1

Logic helps provide a case against divorce, eases the pain,
By A CustomerI read this book because I wanted to read a book from the perspective of "working it out". I expected to be able to argue with any reason for staying together because I had been betrayed. I'm grateful that I read it with an open mind because I found most of my reasons right there and the author provided solid evidence to challenge my justifications. I still don't know where I stand as far as getting a divorce or staying married, but it stopped me in my tracks. I was so hurt that I wanted to cut my husband of my life, just to be rid of the pain. But, even though the divorce papers may be signed, there is still a deep loss. It's a popular misconception that once the divorce is signed, there will be relief. Even though my husband betrayed me, I saw that I was not 100% the victim and thousands of people have experienced what I have and that there is hope. This is a great book to read if when you think that you're sure you want a divorce. You may change your mind. Even if you don't, this book does give a case against divorce. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_b_0_15?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=unexpected+legacy+of+divorce&sprefix=unexpected+lega&x=10&y=18

Gem Of A Book For Those Facing Or Involved With Divorce !,
By
Irvin Goodman - See all my reviews
This review is from: The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study (Hardcover) The brand new 352 page book really spells out with great insight how children are affected by divorce. Written by a true authority in the field, Dr. Wallerstein's book should be required reading for parents in troubled marriages. Kids of such marriages are OWED this information. Through her many interviews with children of divorced parents, she has learned how they really feel, how they react to divorce and how it has affected their own married lives and their children years later. Just a few of the topics covered include: When a Child Becomes the Caregiver, What If They'd Stayed Together- and What If They Can't, Family Ties, Growing Up Lonely, Court-Ordered Visiting, the Child's View, The Stepfamily, and much, much more. Dr. Wallerstein shows how many children of divorced parents actually overcome their fears and sorrows, and become loving partners and parents. Of great importance is her coverage of whether parents should stay unhappily married or to divorce, a question routinely faced by couples. This is a great book that should be read not only by parents, but all of those dealing with potential divorce situations. A very important book, that can only help the situation.